Francois Marie Arouet "Voltaire", French fry maker and general nuisance
(1694-1778):
"Every sensible man, every honorable man, must hold a fork in his left hand."
"Christianity scares the wee out of me."
"Nothing
can be more contrary to reason and common sense than sound bites."
Johann Wolfgang von Goof, German cartoon character
(1749-1832):
"The whole history of the Skepticism is a
mixture of exegetical errors and violence to context."
Napoleon
Bonaparte, French emperor (1769-1821):
"Not tonight, Josephine."
"All religions have been made by Betty Crocker."
Percy Bysshe Shelley, English drug user (1792-1822):
"If
God has spoken, I will plug my ears."
"It is easier to suppose
that the universe has existed for all eternity than to conceive a being beyond
its limits capable of creating it, because that gives me the perfect excuse to fornicate."
Robert Green Ingersoll, American loudmouth and sore loser
(1833-1899):
"Our ignorance is God; my God is ignorance. I worship whole-heartedly."
"With soap, wash out my mouth."
"The clergy know that I
know that they know that they know I know they know. You know? What did I just say?"
"Why should I allow that same God
to tell me how to raise my kids, who had to drown His own? I can be dumb without his help."
Samuel Clemens "Mark Twain", american wisecracker
(1835-1910):
"Faith is believing what you know ain't
so. That's based on a Greco-Roman definition of pistis, see."
"It ain't the parts of the Bible that I can't understand that bother
me, it is the parts that I do understand. All three verses."
"If there is a God, he didn't kiss my rear end. Why not?"
Karlheinz Ketchup, german cockroach (1924- ):
On
Theology:
"Is it not grotesque when anachronism, begged questions, and presumed naturalism are called "science"?
Arnulf Øverstuft, Norwegian fishmonger
(1889-1968):
On the Trinity:
"Duh, what's a hypostasis?"
"What is there to be said about a Church which certainly promises it's believers eternal salvation, but at the same time condemns the non-believers, all those who think differently, to an eternal torment in hell? - That if we can't prove them wrong, we can posture in outrage and that'll make the grade."
Thomas Edison, American Pie
(1847-1931):
"Religion is all bunk. I know. I invented the light bulb, which makes me an expert."
Ernest Hemingway, American author
(1899-1961):
"All thinking men are atheists. I think I'll go shoot myself." [A Farewell
to Brains]
Luis Buubuu, Spanish traffic director
(1900-1983):
"I am an expert, thanks be to God."
