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Here are the top ten early warning signs that you may have JP
Holding Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (JPHOCD).
...number ten...You dedicate your Tweb avatar and/or your signature in an
effort to disparage him.
...number nine...You start countless threads about his debating style, rude
behavior, un-Christ like persona, his inability to properly dress himself, etc
...number eight...You’ve programmed a google
robot that each night while you sleep, scours the web for all new references to Holding, and
then each morning when you wake up, you read them over your morning cup of
coffee.
...number seven...You start countless, multiple, parallel threads that examine
some incredibly trivial nuance or detail about some anal theological musing he’s posted on his backwater website, in an effort to finally prove
his flawed thinking.
...number six...You actually start your own registered website, or dedicate a
special shrine, just to disparage and warn others about this evil apologist.
...number five...You spend your days writing e-mails and letters to any and all
peoples that Holding may ever interact with, to warn them of their folly in
associating with Holding.
...number four...You have a personal diary filled with a list of all the
puerile names JP has ever called you on Tweb, and
there are endless doodles of his caricature being tortured in the margins…
...number three...You’ve personally traveled to Florida
and stalked Holding, sleeping in your car over many weeks, in hopes you can catch him on videotape
in his bathrobe and bunny slippers.
...number two...You start reading and complimenting other Christian apologists
who you completely disagree with theologically,…simply
because they are NOT JP Holding…
...and the NUMBER ONE early warning sign that you may have JP Holding obsessive
compulsive disorder....
You're thinking about something Holding posted that day, while you’re in bed having sex with your spouse!
---list created by "LakeGeorgeMan" (yes, that one!)
JP Obsession (Song Parody of Prozzak's
"Infatuation", lyrics by Johnny EC.)
J, P, O-B-S, E-S-S-I-O-N
J, P, O-B-S, E-S-S-I-O-N
I got this little problem that meakes me ill you
refuted the works of Farrel Till
My frustration and pain made me log on Tweb and my
fingers started up again
<CHORUS>
It's not just that I dis-a-a-a-a-a-agree with
you...
It's not just that I dis-li-li-li-li-like
you...
I just hate the way you write, the way you talk, the way you riposte
OH YEAAAAAAH!
And I can't let go
JP Obsession's got a hold on me (woah,woah,)
I find it is linked to my insecurity,
And I can't let go
It is making me lose my grip on reality,
JP-P-P Obsession
J, P, O-B-S, E-S-S-I-O-N
J, P, O-B-S, E-S-S-I-O-N
I complain that you aren't nice when I ask you to do live debate you say
"no dice"
I don't have to refute essays or play the "research game" because
I know J.P Holding isn't your real-name.
<CHORUS>
<Guitar solo>
I tracked you down to
I got this little problem I cannot control I was put in Jail but now I'm on
Parole.
<CHORUS>
It's not just that I dis-a-a-a-a-a-agree with you...
It's not just that I dis-li-li-li-li-like
you...
I just hate the way you write, the way you talk, the way you riposte
OH YEAAAAAAH!
And I can't let...
And I can't let...
And I can't let go!
JP Obsession's got a hold on me (woah,woah,)
I find it is linked to my insecurity,
And I can't let go
It is making me lose my grip on reality,
JP-P-P Obsession
Parody of Phantom of the Opera by Nightwish (by Darth Eexecutor)
[Jimbo (Brooks)]
In sleep he points at me, in dreams he mocks,
The voice which laughs at me
And ridicules my face.
And do I dream again? For now I find
James Patrick Holding is there
inside my mind.
[JP Holding:]
Lose once again to me, another debate;
Your humiliation by me grows stronger yet.
And though you turn from me to glance behind,
James Patrick Holding is there
inside your mind.
[Jimbo:]
Those who have seen your site
draw back in fear.
I am the trophy you wear.
[JP Holding:]
It's me they hear.
[JP Holding & Jimbo]
Your stupidity and my butt kicking in one combined;
James Patrick Holding is there
Inside my/your mind.
[Voices:]
He's there James Patrick Holding.
Beware James Patrick Holding.
[JP Holding:]
In all your obsessions, you always knew
that mocker and refuter
[Jimbo:]
Were both in you.
[Jimbo & JP Holding:]
And in this labyrinth where fundamentalism is blind,
James Patrick Holding is here
inside my/your mind.
[JP Holding:]
Sing, my fundy atheist cannon fodder!