Mattchu wanders the desert, looking for a place to hide. He sees a nice rock. He can just fit under it if he squishes his butt up real good. Just as he is about to try, someone pops up from behind it...
SHEILA: BOO!
MAATCHU: AAAARGH! (groans) Oh, noooo....not sssstupid rabbitses again...
SHEILA: But of course. I am the star here. (Tosses her silken blond hair.) Besides, this latest rap of yours deserved some of my attention.
MATTCHU: I DON'T TALKS TO YOU NO MORE! DON'T TALKSSSES TO ANY HOLDINGSSES TOONS NO MORE!
With this, Mattchu plops down on his posterior and sticks his fingers in his ears. He begins to sing.
MATTCHU: LA LA LA LA LA LA LA......
Sheila stares for a moment. Then she reaches behind the rock. Like any good cartoon character, she can produce objects of any size from behind even the tiniest objects. This time she has an electric foghorn that is approximately 500 feet in diameter at the opening. What happens next may be left to the imagination. We will pick up 30 miles away with Mattchu twisting his fingers in both ears and moaning as Sheila once again approaches.
SHEILA: Now look here. Let's talk about this problem you have with responding to Mr. Holding.
MATTCHU: WHAT?
SHEILA: You know, you say you're appalled that Mr. H doesn't believe in evolution, and yet you can't even spell Richard Dawkins' name right. It's not "Dawkin's," my dear.
MATTCHU: WHAT?
SHEILA: Also, saying anyone who doesn't accept evolution is either ignorant, insane, or stupid won't help you earn any respect from anyone, except your fellow hypocrites.
MATTCHU: WHAT?
SHEILA: Anyway, you say you won't debate Mr. H or go on TWeb, eh? Let's see:
Many of the Christians who attend the cesspool known as "Theology Web" are also horribly uneducated and ignorant people on the subject of evolution...I see little value in going to "Theology Web" for any debates. Many of the Tekton fans there are almost as arrogant, self-righteous, and creepy as Dee Dee is (particularly fellows like "Mountain Man", "Tophet", and "JediPunkish". There is an extremely arrogant and loathsome moderator there as well who goes under the name "Jason"- I consider that fellow a very putrid individual). These folks also don't have a high opinion of me either. I was told that some of them think of me as a "screwball". I laughed out loud when I heard this. Being labeled a "screwball" by Tekton fans is as meaningful to me as being labeled a "n***er-lover" by the Ku Klux Klan. I really have no plans to ever return to "Theology Web" to debate any of the folks there. I have come to conclude that some of the Christians there have no real interest in a civil debate.
Well, it's not hard to see why, dear -- you'd lose your shirt, and that's partly because you've aligned yourself with that dreary liar Loftus. But that's fine. It took some time for your true moral fiber to show, and now that it has, you can't control yourself -- isn't that right?
MATTCHU: WHAT?
SHEILA: Hmph. For someone who says he would prefer a civil exchange you don't act the part. More likely you just want debate only with someone who either knows nothing about you or your associations with Loftus; or that you think won't beat you. No?
MATTCHU: WHAT?
SHEILA: Dear, don't try to fool the nice people. The whole reason you became a turned on Holding was because he insulted "your precious" Loftus. Now it's been shown what sort of person Loftus is, with no denials possible -- and you STILL stick by him. That seems to indicate a serious moral deficiency on YOUR part, doesn't it?
MATTCHU: WHAT?
SHEILA (sighs): Well, there's really not much more to say at this moment...these stale canards you've resurrected yet again have already been dealt with...well, except this:
Biblical scholar Hector Avalos has recently published a book called The End of Biblical Studies. There's no doubt that Tekton's president and his buddies, being the extremely arrogant and creepy people I consider them to be, will mock and scoff at the book but I think that Avalos has some great arguments. There are some minor points where I disagree with what I have read so far or think the argument could be stronger. But there is little doubt that Avalos will be arrogantly mocked as being stupid, dishonest, or even worse. Why not? He's not the supreme mega-intellectual that Tekton's president apparently regards himself as.
Avalos? Dearie, do be serious. This was a man who endorsed the Christ myth as plausible. Now as it happens, aside from this, Mr. H has only seen two things from that fellow -- one was a response to Glenn Miller, and Mr. H checked a single point at random and found Avalos completely misrepresenting Miller on that point. Then Mr. H also checked Avalos' treatment of Luke 14:26 -- and found that he was totally ignorant of the correct answer. (Shakes head.) That's not a very promising glimpse. Perhaps you should ask yourself why his book was printed by Prometheus Press and not a reputable publishing house that does things on Biblical scholarship.
MATTCHU: WHAT?
(At this, Sheila glares at Mattchu. She once again produces the foghorn. Before she can use it, however, Mattchu jumps into the air himself and goes twice as far as the foghorn itself would have sent him.)
SHEILA: Yes indeed. It's amazing how fast you can run from something when you're afraid.
