Out in a desert place of a world we know, Mattchu is dragging himself along, panting, sweating. He did not want to climb the mesa again. He also did not want to fall down the mesa again. Falling was not Fun. He also did not want to face the Prophet again. Prophets were not fun.
He is thirsting terribly. There has been no sign of water or of civilization for hours and he is nearly fainting from exposure.
Suddenly, up ahead, he sees something. It appears to be some sort of vehicle. It is at a standstill but it seems to be hovering just a foot or so over the ground. His brain turns this over for a few moments. Then he sees two figures in the vehicle. One, closest to him, is a male creature that seems to have some sort of fiery skin and outfit. The other, a female, is colored bone white and wears an icy blue outfit. She seems to have snow coming from her hair. The two are laughing, talking, and eating some sort of vegetables.
They also have canteens. Mattchu's energy is renewed. He runs towards them screaming...
MATTCHU: Ssssss!!! You two! Heeeeellllpsssss me!!!
The fiery being turns. He notices Mattchu and jumps from the vehicle with a concerned look on his face. The female watches, equally concerned. Then she sits up with a start.
SNOWDROP: Oh, no! It's that silly little troll thing that's been making a nuisance of himself!
BRIMSTONE (looking back): Is it? The one Sheila mentioned?
SNOWDROP (frowning): Yes! What does HE want?
Mattchu, meanwhile, has slown down, his energy spent. He falls almost at Brimstone's feet, face down in the sand. Panting, he extends a single arm over his head.
MATTCHU: W...waaa....
BRIMSTONE: Pardon?
(Mattchu looks up. He gasps, then smashes his face back into the sand and begins throwing a tantrum, pounding on the ground with his fists and feet.)
MATTCHU: AAAAGGHHH! More Holdingsssesss toonsssses! Can't ssssstandssss thissss!
BRIMSTONE: Well, it IS his world, old chap. What is it you need?
MATTCHU (sighs, ceases tantrum): W...wwaater...pleassse.
BRIMSTONE: Oh! Of course! (He turns to Snowdrop.) My canteen, sweetheart?
Snowdrop tosses Brimstone a canteen, somewhat dubiously. Brimstone begins to unwork the stopper, but stops to think a moment as Mattchu holds up his arm piteously.
BRIMSTONE: I say, chap...didn't you just write that silly piece on Mr. Holding's take on clients and patronage and the matter of salvation?
MATTCHU (groans, slaps forehead): Yessssss! Ssssso what!!
BRIMSTONE: Well, you see...after reading that...I'm not so sure I actually can give you any water.
MATTCHU: WHAT!!! I'ssssss thirsssty!!!
BRIMSTONE: Yes, well...let me explain. The thesis of your article was what, now?
MATTCHU: Gaaaahhhh....Holding's attempt to provide a context-based understanding of how words like "faith," "grace", "love", and other words from the New Testament has resulted in some inconsistencies that actually do more damage to the modern Christian Church then Holding would intend. If he'sssss right then no one has the relationship with God that Holding thinks that the earliest Christians would've had.
BRIMSTONE: I...see. And how did you arrive at this conclusion? You do not actually dispute Mr. Holding's findings, correct?
MATTCHU: NO!!! Holding has written an essay called "Fallacious Faith" in which corrects misunderstandings that he believes are misconceptions of what faith is all about. As part of this, he also offers what I think is a better understanding of how the earliest Christians saw their relation with God. It is not my purpose here to dispute Holding's definition of "faith" or his study of it...
BRIMSTONE: So in other words, if you're right, it isn't a problem for Mr. Holding per se; it is a problem for Christianity at large, correct?
MATTCHU: YESSSS! OKAY? NOW WATER!
BRIMSTONE: Not so fast. Please, if you will, explain the problem.
MATTCHU: GARRR! Holding believes that we need to form a patron-client relationship with God. According to the new covenant, Jesus, being an Israelite holy man, would serve as a broker for the covenant which was based on the concept of kinship loyalty.
BRIMSTONE (nods): Of course. Go on.
MATTCHU: If one does happen to read Malina's book very carefully, one will notice that a patron-client relationship, that Holding advocates, presupposes the concept of the limited-good. If goods are not limited, then patron-client relationships are unnecessary. Malina saysssss --
BRIMSTONE: Er...just a moment.
MATTCHU WHAT???? I'sss a geniussss expounding! Why you interruptssss?
BRIMSTONE: The extensive quote of Malina is just fine, but where does he says that patron-client relationships cannot exist without limited good as a background context?
Mattchu blinks repeatedly. He says nothing.
BRIMSTOME: You see, my beloved Lady Ketterling and I (he gestures to his wife, who smiles) - well, we ARE from a society in which patronage is indeed the norm. But we simply don't tie it to limited good that way. We don't come to those we wish to be clients of and say, "We're here because of limited good." Do you know WHY we seek patronage, Mattchu?
MATTCHU: Uhhhhhhhhhhhhh.....
BRIMSTONE: You see, you're missing a step. We become patrons of clients because of need. And it is the need that we see as being caused by limited good. Limited good doesn't cause patronage to function; need does. Do you see?
MATTCHU: But but but - Malina sayssssssss -
BRIMSTONE (sternly): Malina says nothing of the sort you say he does. Indeed, one wonders if he'd endorse your idea himself. All he says is what we have: That people needed help; and that limited good meant that help was not easy to find. Need, not limited good, was the driving force behind patronage. And people today hardly have any lack of understanding of need. Indeed, the basis for even the most basic form of evangelism is that we need salvation from the consequences of sin. The need for a patronage relationship is just as clear as it ever was, my boy; even though the idea of "limited good" as applied to things like honor or wealth has vanished from your modern world, conceptual recognition of the very basic need for rescue from the consequences of sin, as taught by Christianity, remains to this day --- and it is also fair to say that the idea of need itself is far from gone, even without limited good as a paradigm!
Mr. Holding would agree that moderns DO lack a certain sense of reciprocity inherent in the system -he'd agree if you said that. But that's been a lack noted as well by teachers who have no idea about the patronage background. Really, old boy, you should have stuck with Mr. Holding -- you obviously didn't finish your training.
(Mattchu blinks several times. Horror dawns upon him. He starts another temper tantrum.)
MATTCHU: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! ARGH! I MESSSSSSED UP AGAIN! CAN'T BE! I'SSSSSSS A FREETHINKER! GENIUSSSSSSS! ARGHHHH!
BRIMSTONE: But anyway, that's why I can't give you this water. You see, you are NOT a member of our type of society that recognizes limited good.
MATTCHU (stops and stares from the ground): HUUUHHHH?
BRIMSTONE: You see, if I give you this water, you'll become my client. You'll become indebted to me. But since you don't believe in limited good, well --
(Brimstone shrugs, puts the cap back on the canteen, and walks back to the vehicle. Snowdrop is trying very hard not to laugh.)
MATTCHU: NO!!! I AGRESSSS! I'SS WRONG!
BRIMSTONE (turns): Oh? So you no longer say that the idea of a patronage contract is "out of place"?
MATTCHU: YESSSS!!
BRIMSTONE: And you will now agree that a dyadic contract only presupposes a need to be fulfilled - not limited good?
MATTCHU: YESSSS!! WHATEVER! (He reaches for the canteen; Brimstone holds it up and out of his reach.)
BRIMSTONE: Not so fast. Just one more. Do you admit, then, that the basis for evangelism in the modern world would be to get people to recognize a need for salvation, and that this is a need which they cannot fulfill themselves? In other words… (Brimstone smiles a bit)...salvation is a "good" to which their access is limited?
(Mattchu gawks. He nods vigorously.)
MATTCHU: YESSSSSS! NOW GIVESSSS WATER!
BRIMSTONE: Here you are, then!
He hands Mattchu the canteen. Mattchu drinks greedily for a moment, then his eyes fly open and he throws the canteen away and starts dancing around.)
MATTCHU: AHHHHHHH!!! HOT! HOT! WATERSSSSS BOILING HOTSSES!
BRIMSTONE: Oh, dear! I'm sorry about that, old chap; I had it in my hands too long! (He turns to Snowdrop, who looks concerned.) Beloved, do you have your canteen…?
SNOWDROP (rises, holds canteen aloft): Here, troll! Catch!
She tosses the canteen to Mattchu. He eagerly extends his arms, but misses the catch; the canteen hits him square in the forehead with a loud BONK. He is knocked senseless and silly. Or just silly. Brimstone hesitates, then walks over to pick up the canteen. He opens it and chuckles ruefully as he turns to his beloved.)
BRIMSTONE: Ice. You've been holding yours quite a while too, love.
SNOWDROP: Oh, dear! Is the little troll all right?
BRIMSTONE: We'll see next time, I suppose!
