Screwballs
of the month
June 2005
It was a weird month mainly because the mailbag didn’t get a
single screwball. Maybe they’re on summer
vacation. So to take their place, we’ll give the hinorany
role to a report of some personal encounters by a member of the “GODISNOWHERE”
ministry in
A supposedly messianic
"Christian" who told me all about how Paul was a heretic who we
should take out of the Bible, because after all, he taught different things
than the Twelve and Jesus in His earthly ministry, and he wasn't a disciple
under Jesus like the Twelve.... He also said he thought John should have taken
some Lithium before writing his Revelation.
We had one fellow who said Jesus was a spiritual "Master," and that
he himself has met two Christs in this lifetime. Both
of these "Masters" had what sounded like east
Indian names, though I'm not sure. A few moments later he figured out that we
are a Christian ministry, and suddenly became literally enraged, shouting at us
that we are "fundamentalist" Christians (which we're not), and
cussing up and down, right and left, calling us vulgar names, saying we are
pure evil, etc. I asked him calmly if this is the fruit of his spirit, the
evidence of the wisdom those two "Christs"
imparted to him? Was this the face of his faith, the true nature of his inner
peace and joy? One of us finally told the man he had to leave, or we would call
the police. The raving lunatic eventually left, still shouting obscenities at
us. As he departed, I thanked him for showing the world the fruit of his
spirit.
The "Catholic" who told us that Jesus probably didn't even die, much
less resurrect, and that he simply doesn't care if he
goes to Hell or not because, after all, he's served the purpose for which God
created him -- a few years ago, he used his psychic powers to prevent an
airliner crash disaster.
Nice to know they’re out there live, too.
In fact, maybe a lot of the screwballs are on vacation because we just don’t have many. Or maybe they don’t want an award any more.
Golden duh award winners
And luther was a nazi because he was german,
right?
Brooks Trubee (“jimbo” on TWeb) adds to his collection of Gold awards with a thread at http://www.theologyweb.com/campus/showthread.php?p=1054590#post1054590 in which he commented on last month’s feature thus:
The following was
taken from the May issue of "J.P. Holding's" Screwballs of the
month feature. In it, "Holding" makes a strange comparison: Dan
Barker was a Christian preacher who lost his faith in Christianity and waited a
few months before announcing his loss of faith to his friends, his neighbors
and his congregation (Barker admits he didn't have the courage to do so).
"Holding" compares this situation to Nazi concentration camp guards
realizing that murdering Jews was wrong but then continuing to murder Jews for
months regardless. It would seem
that Holding is comparing a person preaching Christianity to Nazis murdering
Jews. Just as the person in this instance who preaches Christianity and knows
it is wrong but continues doing it, the Nazis in Holding's example who murder
Jews and know it is wrong but continue doing it.
What do you think?
By the way, I would strongly urge you to check what "Holding" wrote
before he changes it out of embarrassment.
By the way, I didn’t change it. I like Hamster’s answer:
Do we need drawings in
Crayon to understand the above, Jimbo? Because I am pretty good with MS Paint and can create a reading
tutorial for you.
Fred: I believe that baking cakes is like murdering children.
George: So you are going to stop baking cakes?
Fred: No... I .. need
the money, you know.
George: So you are going to keep baking cakes even though you think it's
comparable to child murder? Isn't that kind of like being a murderer who knows
what he is doing is wrong but does it any way because he needs the money? Where
is your sense of integrity?
Jimbo OMGosh!!!!!
GEORGE Just said that BAKING CAKE IS LIKE MURDER!!!!
So the question is: Why does Jimbo want to advertise the fact that he has the
comprehension skills of a 7-year-old or the disingenuousness of lemon-selling
car salesman?
Congratulations, "Jimbo".
You're the first person to ever WIN a Screwball Award because you were complaining
about a Screwball Award.
Greco-roman scholars should check an english dictionary
“Khushrenada” at http://www.blizzforums.com/showpost.php?p=1375358&postcount=692 tries to defend against scholarly understandings of pistis (faith) with….an English dictionary:
Again i tell you - no part of what you mention mentions the
bible, 2000 years ago or anything you MERELY SAY 'faith' which is word that
CURRENTLY EXISTS.
It's origins unless you directly mention them via
context are largely irrelevant.
You mentioned nothing
pertaining to it's origin at all, thus i must
assume you are using the word as defined in the dictionary.
Ok nothing surrounding the text, immediatly near the
text, or in the comment that the text was in response to is there anything to
indicate the words meaning has been changed from it's defined meaning.
If you mentioned christianity, 2000 years ago the
middle east or antyhing you claim you did the prof would be relevant. However he is not and we're talking
about basic rules about the use of the English language.
So should Hebrew scholars.
for that matter
Offered: “Shadowfury200” with
new advice on how to understand the Hebrew in Leviticus 18:22:
Lev 18:22 Do not lie with a man as one lies with a woman;
that is detestable.
From that quote alone, isn't it possible that's just a translation issue and it
meant to say 'no man shall lie to another man'? The quote is taken out of
context, but you see my point.
And God also should
have waited until we invented the DVD player
Advice to the divine from “Happy Backslider”:
Given that the Bible
is a primary means that God chooses to disseminate his message, it seems
rather an embarrassing oversight to introduce it at a point in history 1500
years before the advent of the printing press, let alone the fact that vast
areas of the world didn't have any copy in their language whatsoever. Perhaps
God needs to go back to school to learn how to better market his product!
Baptize me in dasani, thanks
“smaller” on TWeb is confused about salvation. I can’t imagine why.
Listed below are
several scriptures that describe various ways and means of salvation, some
admittedly tongue in cheek but worth a read from the sheer diversity of
presentations:
1.) Salvation by being flesh:
And all flesh shall see the salvation of God. (Luke 3:6)
2.) Salvation by drinking water:
“But whoever drinks of the water that I will give him shall never thirst; but
the water that I will give him will become in him a well of water springing up
to eternal life." ( John 4:14)
(because all things came through Jesus, all
water given to drink thus comes from Jesus)
3.) Salvation by
giving a cup of cold water: (perhaps a sub-category of the above)
"And whosoever shall give to drink unto one of these little ones a cup of
cold water only in the name of a disciple, verily I say unto you, he shall in
no wise lose his reward." (Matt. 10:42)
9.) Salvation by child bearing:
"And Adam was not deceived, but the woman being deceived, fell into
transgression. Nevertheless she will be saved in childbearing IF they continue
in faith, love, and holiness, with self-control." (1 Tim. 2:14,15 )
10.) Salvation by fire
“If any man's work shall be burned, he shall suffer loss: but he himself shall
be saved; yet so as by fire.” (1 Corinthians 3:15)
11.) Salvation by being handed over to Satan:
hand this man over to Satan, so that the sinful nature may be destroyed and his
spirit saved on the day of the Lord. (1 Corinthians 5:5)
12.) Slow Death Salvation:
Most Christians believe that if one repents of their sins and confesses Jesus
as their personal Lord, they are saved. So those who die slow deaths from
cancer for example have MUCH better chances of getting saved than those hit by
cars, bullets, bombs, etc. because they know in advance they are going to die
and can therefore confess and repent of their sins.
13.) Salvation by Location:
The greater the chance one has of hearing the gospel or reading the Bible, the
greater the chance one will get saved. Therefore where one is born greater effects their chances of getting saved.
14.) Salvation by Time of Birth:
Those born in time periods in which the gospel was not preached because it
wasn't revealed yet or hadn't reached that part of the world never had a chance
hear the gospel and be saved, therefore those appointed to be born into time
periods where the gospel was greatly preached had much better chances of being
saved than those who were born into time periods where the gospel couldn't
reach them.
15.) Salvation by confession of the mouth: (an all time classic)
For it is with your heart that you believe and are justified, and it is with
your mouth that you confess and are saved. (Romans 10:10)
24.) Eating flesh and drinking blood salvation:
"He who eats My flesh and drinks My blood has
eternal life.” (John 6:54)
25.) Salvation by persecution, torture, or imprisonment:
“Women received back their dead, raised to life again. Others were tortured and
refused to be released, so that they might gain a better resurrection.”
(Hebrews 11:35)
In many areas of the world, a sovereign king would declare his kingdom a
particular sect of Christianity. Everyone either subscribed to that religion or
were severely persecuted, lost property and jobs, or
were killed. That's why many European countries had state religions.
And so on, up to 50.
The long road to
insanity
Jason Long of “Biblical Nonsense” wins yet again for his
latest replies http://www.tektonics.org/lp/longj01.html
-- the best of the lot:
How would Holding justify the notion that neither of two distinct cities has
its own unique culture? Culture, after all, is the set of patterns, traits, and
products considered as the expression of a particular period, class, community,
or population. Does every city not have its own unique culture? Does Holding
believe that there was nothing special about
Wow. Long has now turned the killing of even a single person into
"genocide" -- ater all, every person has
their own unique "patterns, traits, and products" (ie, we each have our own sets of fingerprints -- or maybe
you can NOT commit genocide by killing only one in a pair of identical twins.
The landover
original
http://www.jesus-is-savior.com/ wins gold for their craziness which includes such lunacy as, “Spiderman is a Satanist”:
http://www.jesus-is-savior.com/False%20Religions/Wicca%20&%20Witchcraft/signs_of_satan.htm
and for even considering worth reporting, the “sounds of hell” hoax:
http://www.jesus-is-savior.com/Basics/sounds_from_hell.htm
and for saying that even lexicons and reference aids are evil:
http://www.jesus-is-lord.com/goliath2.htm
and best of all, King James Onlyism to the extreme:
http://www.jesus-is-lord.com/emascula.htm
The
marketing guys at IBS, publisher of the NIV, say that the NIV
is easier to read, right? In the scripture comparison that we're about to
examine we will find the word "emasculate" in the NIV.
I didn't know what this word meant until today. It incorrectly replaces the
phrase "cut off" in the autborized KJV…
Our scripture passage is Galatians 5:12. The context: the apostle Paul is
speaking to the Galatians concerning false doctrine brought in by a
troublemaker (ref v. 10). What did the Apostle Paul want to happen to this
person?
The Authorized King James:
Galatians 5:12, I would they were even cut off which trouble you. (troublemakers, begone)
Now, the New International Version: Galatians 5:12, As
for those agitators, I wish they would go the whole way and emasculate
themselves! (troublemakers, cut your genitals off!)
Which one do you think the great apostle Paul said? Is
wishing someone would cut off their genitals consistent with a godly, sold-out
Christian like Paul? What a terrifying, bloody, horrible thing to say to
someone. But you never know what you're going to get with the NIV--I almost
couldn't believe this one. Last note: the NASB and the RSV
say that the troublemakers should "mutilate themselves"!!!!
Tv guide is EVIL!
This one from “TheOneandOnly” was done in February but is too good not to
less pass.
Leviticus 19:26 (New
International Version) New International Version (NIV)26 " 'Do not eat any meat with the blood still in it."
'Do not practice divination or sorcery.
Definition of divination: Quote: Divination: is a "foretelling
future events, or discovering things secret by the aid of superior
beings, or other than human means."
http://www.reference-guides.com/smiths_bible_dictionary/Divination/
Therefore TV guides are a form of divination
and should be prohibited under Mosaic law, and
probably some NT rules as well.
Scratch the trip to
long john silver’s, then
“jdc123” wins an award for this performance with one of our readers:
JDC: didn
the bible say that christians
should not eat fish? and all sort sof
other things that 99% of christians do in modern
times? unless you do none of them, you have no say in whats right and what isnt,
thanks.
DE: All right boy, tell
me which laws i'm not following that I should.
JDC: you shouldnt be eating fish.
DE:Verse
please.
JDC: hey youve read the bible multiple times,
you should know where it is.
DE: Could it be in
Matthew 14 where Jesus gives people fish to eat?
JDC (at end): jesus hates you.
“FormerFundy” Gargamel wins one also for one of his usual mistakes he’ll never admit:
Jaltus: Don't read the Bible literally, read it literarily.
FormerFundy:
Is that the best you can muster? Pointing out a typo? I would expect more from
the revered Dr. Jaltus, Defender of the Universe.
“Steen” from debatex.com wins one for these comments:
INFERENCE?!?!?!?! You mean that we can't just trust the
literal text, you mean that we have to interpret and
explain it?
WHOOOOAAAAAA!! "Context"? As in "not
literal, but paying attention to the situation"? Isn't that a step
AWAY from literal reading?
"Common
sense" is to claim that the measurements simply are not stated precise and
with enough decimals etc. to get an accurate value of Pi, perhaps because the
text was not about science but rather about God's message to us. And that does
seem to be what you are trying to say here. It certainly is NOT "literal
sense."
And, an award to Johnny Skeptic – just for
showing up on TWeb again at all.
Silver duh award winners
Just give me an anacin
We have to start a website award for http://www.justgivemethetruth.com/ which says:
Are you ready to hear
about
The BIGGEST Blunder of the Church for the past 2000 years!
Expect to be shocked!
"For the word of God is quick, and powerful, and sharper than any two
edged sword" (Hebrews 4:12b)
Just as Judas was indwelled by Satan to betray Jesus, Paul was indwelled by
Satan to destroy Christianity! Paul taught ANOTHER Gospel! Why else did
Constantine and the Pagan leaders take out the books of the disciples and put
in Paul's! To lead YOU away from the truth and into a FALSE Gospel!
It’d be a gold, except that it’s been done before by people like Ken Schei (Christianity Betrayed) and Hyam Maccoby. Snoooore. It also features stuff like:
King James was a
homosexual mason, 33rd degree. He hired Sir Francis Bacon to translate the KJV.
Sir Francis Bacon, also a 33rd degree mason, was also known as Shakespeare.
Maybe just as screwy if not worse -- http://www.sollog.com/
The modern Bible is
full of inaccurate translations. If you want to know what the Bible really says
then read Jesus Is Not God - The Biblical Truth.
Sollog prefers not to be called by his birth name,
John P. Ennis, considering it an insult, and claims instead that "Sollog", "God" and "God Almighty"
are his only legal names
Also a “screwball silver mine” this round at http://www.iidb.org/vbb/showthread.php?t=127864 where obsessed atheists tell about their dreams, such as:
I had a very bad
nightmare last night involving the Mormons, about whom I know very little
(something about funny underwear is the limit of my knowledge). I dreamt I was
in
Dan Brown’s Body
Someone found this on Christianforums, showing that Da Vinci Code is alive and well:
-----Is Jesus God?
---------->This is based on biblical evidence. Of cause the bible confirms
that Jesus is part of the trinity, otherwise modern Christians would think
otherwise. The view that Jesus was God wasn't however held by many early
Christians. In the vote (I can't remember the name) in which early Christians
decided upon the answers to many questions about there religion, the decision
that Jesus was God only won by a minute majority. Surely this is prominent
evidence against Jesus being God?
I thought the gift was
repentance?
And a wild guy named “Steve” joins the list with this comment:
God wishes that none
would perish but that all would come to repentance. God
has shown love by condeming all homosexuals to
eternal damnation; His righteous decree has found homosexuality to be an
abomination and has in the past brought fire down on men, women and children
because of it.
Steve offers his version of how he was thrashed on TWeb, on his own site:
This debate took place in May of 2003, on a discussion forum at TheologyWeb, a site which claims to debate theology
seriously. The thread
started by Steven was entitled: "Why God has shown love to the
homosexual", located in the Christianity 201 Forum Room. Most of the
people who populate the rooms of TheologyWeb have
been highly educated in Christian theology via universities, seminaries and
colleges of various nature, and they claim faith in
Christ. But, as we found out, when it comes to the issue of
homosexuality they arrogantly think that their opinionated assertions overthrow
&/or reinterpret the Scriptures, all the while condemning themselves for
the day of Judgment. Thus, these are the type of
people who are gracing the halls of our so-called 'chrisitan'
educational institiutions: lovers of pleasure rather
than lovers of God.
Come out of that
cookie, you demon!
Steve has some
paranoid friends, too, like “Chris” who says:
I cracked open my fortune cookie at
the end of lunch. It was a double-fortune, one of those where the two little
slips of paper are stuck together, thus increasing the fortunate good sayings
always contained therein. One slip said, “Good news will come from far away,”
and the other, “You are heading in the right direction.”
Being a Christian, I do not believe in fortunes. If
these two fortunes were read by a wicked, godless, man who believes in omens,
portents, witchcraft, spells, wizardry, spiritualism, occultism (they are
legion), he would consider this yet another good fortune of his, a hopeful
reading of his future because he is convinced he is O.K. and heading in the
right direction. He also hopes, as does any sane person, for good news
from a far country.
Not the only
gem from Chris, either. Try these:
Recent trends in
entertainment, children’s books, etc, try to show demons in a humorous light,
or even in a benefactor role. “E.T.”: was especially apt at
sucking people in.
What is the purpose of this
entertainment? Of course, the main purpose is to make money. Movies are
especially lucrative, therefore the main avenue for these portrayals of demons
as benefactors. Children’s books have been loaded with sort of thing for years,
buttering the children up for the big screen and computer games. Did you see
dollars signs everywhere? Have you been asleep? Barney is a
purple demon on
If you think Barney is a
lovable, non-offending terrycloth dinosaur, so be it. The scales are not far
underneath that costume, however. He is just a spin-off from E.T. and its
cousins. Demons today like to start things off as being humorous, then proceed to acceptable, then to desirable, then to
exemplary. Look at the recent trend in
homosexuality, for instance.
On judgment day, God will present these
images before their creators and before their audience. Then they will be seen
in the true light. They will also see real angels and real demons. They will then find out that these “aliens” and “monsters”
ideas were based in reality. The reality will testify against them that
they enjoyed the presence of demons and hated the presence of God and his
angels (oh, they hate God’s human servants, too). On that day, Jesus Christ
will be victorious over all these fictions that held men in bondage. Don’t just
Shrek this off. Demons are real and they want you to
be comfortable around them and they want you to hate the living God. Be
entertained by dragons if you will, but be aware that entertainment always has
a secret agenda, and it may cost you more than you know.
“Ponfyr” of TWeb wins one as well for this thread http://www.theologyweb.com/campus/showthread.php?t=55890&page=1&pp=16 on the cross as an evil symbol.
The site http://evangelicalatheist.com/ wins the Paranoid Hatred Award:
I won’t tolerate it
anymore. I’m certainly not the first person to write about this topic, and I
hope I won’t be the last, but I had to write a post about this simple and
wide-reaching way to evangelize atheism. Take a pen (I use a Sharpie) and leave
it on your dresser or night stand. At the end of each day, when you remove your
money from your pocket, take 10 seconds to make it constitutional. I like to
think of it as “money laundering.”
Some people like to cross out the entire phrase. I just cross out the word god.
Most people who will see the bill don’t know what’s there well enough to get
the point if I cross the whole thing out. If you want, you can substitute
something of your own, like “Ourselves” or “Timmy,”
but I like the simplicity of just a black line. If you are offended by this
phrase’s presence on our money, and you’re not doing this, you’re just lazy.
Be informed. Be
enraged. Buy a marker.
By the way, defacing money like that is illegal.
Bronze duh award winners
“jmebob” on TWeb had this gem with respect to gay marriage:
Seeing as your god and
jesus (or both combine as
they are in your mind) have never had sex with anyone, ever - never lived lives
like the couple above - Why do you feel that they are qualified to make
comments on them? Just a question that occured
to me - late night thinking.
Very late, I’d say. "No Daddy, you can't tell me
it's wrong to pull the doggy's tail, because you
haven't done it yourself!"
In the “say what?”
department we had this line from another forum delivered by a “smorgasboard spiritualist” as reported on TWeb:
I don't have a cut I
read and if something clicks with my perception of what the right thing should
be and if it feels right inside of myself I meditate on it and the answer is apointed to me I do have several different things I have
adopted from several different religions but I alot
of what I believe I have dreamed up per say and it works for me and that's how
I apply it to my life. I do not need someone to say hey that's bad or
that's wrong I get feelings unexplainable feelings as if the universe has
it's own way of telling you you've done good or wrong I explain it as Karma.
O-kay…and you’ll find the banana pudding on the right.
“DivineOb” wins one for the greasy performance at http://www.theologyweb.com/campus/showthread.php?t=54729 (which is too long to sum up well) as well as the statements:
That's right. When my life and my happiness are threatened then extreme measures are
justified…
Christianity is simple a disease of humanity which threatens
the existence of our species, and only if it is killed off as quickly as
possible (though it can be done, witness
Just to be sure I am clear, the danger is people who make decisions (especially
those that affect me) *without evidence*. I have *no* problem with people
making decisions different from mine *based on evidence*. Christianity teaches that data / evidence are the enemy,
and faith and hunches are a more powerful tool for
discerning the truth. That is an unspeakable evil and an unspeakable
danger.
“heathenangel”
from a
Faith shares a more common diagnosis which is known in the
psychiatric profession as schizophrenia; however, the item that differentiates
the two is that faith is most often a disorder that is instilled through mental
trauma at a young age (i.e.: churches, synagogues, mosques, temples, etc.)
Schizophrenia is most commonly a genetic abnormality but research indicates
that it can indeed stem from outside stimuli, thus bridging the gap between the
two disorders. Unfortunately there is no guaranteed cure for the disease; but
there is some hope for these individuals and it consists of a daily regimen of
free and rational thinking. It is advised that anyone exhibiting any of the
early symptoms of the disorder be treated early by an abnormally high dosage of
educational material. While the success rates of such treatments still remain
unpublished, the preliminary reports indicate rates at around 10-15%.
And more professional
psychoanalysis from “DuckieinDrag” to one of our
readers:
There is nothing in
there that puts you in a black and white image as you did with me. You
attempted to make me your inferior, and not worth your time. I was attempting
to help others not be sucked in. I understand that you have a hurt soul
underneath that rough exterior, and I do want to help. However, the first thing
to do would be to isolate your problems, for example, people who you attempt to
take advantage of. You are indeed a troll, but that does not mean anything bad.
It means that you wish to be accepted and to be paid attention, but the only
way you know how to do it is to hurt other people.
Obviously you have
given up on these people if you feel that "public owning" is the only
way to help them. How does it take public owning? If you merely extended the
hand of God to them rather than trying to force it down their throats, I am sure
that they would be able to understand where they are coming from. I however
have not given up on you. Even though I may not be a Christian, I believe in an
omnipotent and omnipresent god, and I feel that you have strayed from your
past. You need a shepard,
and I will take that role upon myself. And I shall never give up on you. I
offer you a chance to reclaim the self that you were before you resorted to
"publicly owning" people in order to achieve an artificial high. Be
the better man and accept my offer, so that we may help people understand.
Also recommended is a thread at http://www.abovetopsecret.com/forum/thread34489/pg5 for a number of gems by Christ-mythers.
“LakeGeorgeMan” wins the Unintended Humility Badge for this one:
I have access to the
accumulated knowledge of science that is based on the empirical scientific
method, and yet I have humility because I don’t claim to have any
“ultimate, absolute truth”, because I know that new discoveries can always
refine, or falsify, our current knowledge.
And wins a “Hypostasis? What’s That?” Award for this:
Anyway...I often
wonder how the universe kept working during those 2 days when the Christian god
was "dead".
Perhaps there exists a universe "auto-pilot" button? Perhaps he
turned over the controls and launch codes to a trusted angel, or Peter, or the
Vice-god?
“Da Blonde” on TWeb wins a silver for this dialogue:
Da Blonde: I'm not sure in what context you're using the term
"Biblical Sexuality" there. The Bible is a poor guide for surgery and
aeronautics, and just as inadequate to address sexuality.
JohnSparks: Uh, so your thinking goes like this:
Because they didnt have airplanes 2,000 years ago,
they also didn't have sex 2000 years ago.
Da Blonde: No, Sir, it does not.
And, Da Blonde the cultural judge has this to say as well:
The system of arraged marriages of the time was evil by
our standards.
Cu Mhorrigan gets another bronze for a performance in this thread (too large to sum up): http://www.theologyweb.com/campus/showthread.php?t=55061&page=1 and also for saying:
One of the things I
was taught about magic, (And this is via a comic
book,) is that Magic responds to need.
DivineOb wins one for his performance in http://www.theologyweb.com/campus/showthread.php?t=55139 most notably the use of a Navy SEAL as a point of comparison.
Poster at valleyadvocate.com wins for this “absolute” statement:
We need people to
stand up in public against the Christo-Islamic
alliance's assaults on relativism. It's been more than a generation since
anyone with access to a significant pulpit stood up for relativism. The clerics
have made "relativism' into a dirty word instead of what it actually is: a
term for the application of reason to public affairs. Turn your back on
relativism and you get absolutism. Show me a true believer and I'll show you a
bigot. Absolutism is at the heart of every religion -- our dogma or
nothing.
Which seems to have been read by “tmancour” of TWeb as well:
What is this obsessive
concern with truth and falsehood that Christians seem to have in spades? Everything
is "true", from some perspective, just as everything is false from another.
“Zipperhead” on TWeb wins for this advanced statement on Christology:
My point is that if
you say, for instance, that Jesus sold hotdogs, you're no longer talking about
the same Jesus, so you have the wrong Trinity, because you lie about the 2nd
person.
“Flour” on TWeb wins for this one:
The Christian God,
that is. Of course "Thou shall not commit adultery." is a no no, but what about a girl getting
pregnant from someone other than her spouse via artificial insemination? God
himself got Mary pregnant without having sex, so I think it's justifiable for
another man to get a woman pregnant without having sex.
As does “Wolf of Norway” for placing the origins of the faith in the medieval
period:
thou shalt follow me,
and in the process become a mindless follower of an articifial
religion created only to bring comfort to the cold people in the middle ages.
“
Atheists at http://www.iidb.org/vbb/showthread.php?t=127477 win a collective award for these comments:
Would you lie to
promote atheism? Have you ever faked a viewpoint just to get others to believe
you, so you could later slip in some self-promoting thing?
Yes, I do pose as a Christian on Christian
message boards in order to get around the prejudice they have against
atheists. I don't think there's anything wrong with
doing that.
I lie all the time,
though never about anything truly important. Telling lies convincingly can be a
bit of a sport. See how fantastic a claim you can make somebody actually
believe. The only real problem is that you need to avoid becoming a known liar.
So its a very fine balancing act.
Special award to a church in my area (in
DOWNLOAD YOUR SORROWS
-- GET ONLINE WITH GOD
Someone at the church obviously isn't up on Net lingo.
Maybe more funny than screwy is the site at http://www.jesusthemonstertruck.com/ -- it might work as social commentary of the Wittenberg Door variety.
Also http://hoax-buster.org/ which has stuff like:
I'm challenging their claim of "Patent on God."
Thou Shalt Not Patent God. AND
Thou shalt not terrorize children with threats of
Hell.
Religion by it's very nature is child abusing. I was
abused!!
Were you also abused? If you were brought up in faith you
were. Don't let this continue. Get the children out of church!
SAVE THE CHILDREN AND
SAVE THE CONSTITUTION
It's the most MORAL document ever written, inspired by
Nature's God.
God has already blessed
Moses and Jesus are just one person the Egyptian Pharaoh,
Amenophis IV. She appears to be a homosexual female,
(woman
with wife) who was stupid enough to believe her father was the sun.
The burning bush is the sun. The hoaxers who wrote the Bible left
fingerprints all over ancient documents. Catholics will, unless they
are brain dead recognize their MASS. I did not label the pope's hat
which Jesus is wearing. Look at the first 4 letters of her name, AMEN
While Moses was preaching and teaching his face started to
glow,
just like the glow from the cloud. Moses got too close to God, (ha!)
and his head caught on fire. That's what is
says in the Bible.
Pythagoras, who I quickly discovered was too dense of a cockroach to grasp Wisdom theology, wins for a few comments, such as:
But let us indulge the
trinitarians. Since they claim the Jews accused Jesus
of making himself God Almighty(Yhwh)
in John 10:33, shouldn't they specify to us also what
exactly the Jews meant by that accusation? Specifically, were the Jews accusing Jesus of making himself God the Father, God the Son or God the Holy Spirit ?
If Jesus had claimed to be God the Jews would not have
gotten upset or attempted to stone him, they would have taken him for a lunatic
deserving pity . Example: if your priest
claimed to be a roast turkey, would you get upset at him?
The Jews were upset at Jesus because his claim was not
a lunatic one, he claimed to be the Christ(in this regard the Jews were
witnesses to his miracles,John 10:38, John 10:32.)
And yet, it seems he did learn from me a little:
Did the Jews flat out
accuse Jesus of being God Almighty (i.e. Yahweh, I am that I am) or "equal
with God"? The latter would seem to indicate two Gods or a hypostatic union of some sort.
Remember, according to you the Jews of Jesus's time
had no concept of the trinity and saw God as an absolute One.
You don't know what the Jews accused Jesus of in John
10:33. You don't have a position to defend. Go back to the drawing board
and return when you have one .
HyperHobbes, an ultra-Calvinist, wins the “Data the Android” Award for his sociology:
They (non-believers)
are spiritually dead and never were alive, incapable of response. We mistake
them understandably for being like us, but they are not. Cunning
Replicas. Children of their father the devil.
…as well as for trying to move attention from himself to others by….posting again and again.
“NTSCRIBE” tries to explain how mutes are saved if tongues are required for salvation:
The mute also have
what our Bible calls "those who have an ear(spiritual), let him hear what
the Spirit says....if one have an ear, we can assume
that they have spiritual tongues,mouth and lips too,right? After all we are created in the image and
likeness of GOD(spiritually).
Mute believers have a real "spirit man" inside,
which is the temple of the HOLY SPIRIT....only our spirit man is born again.
Your spirit never goes to sleep...that's why you dream,
almost so real, it's not your brain.Ask people
who had "out of body" experienced.OR read
1 Cor.12...Paul's out of body experienced.I had experienced such
supernatural events myself....only in the power of the LORD JESUS CHRIST.