The Skeptics' Overrated Bible on Hosea and Joel
as analyzed by
Sheila Rangslinger
Hosea
- 1:2-3 God tells Hosea to commit adultery, saying "take ... a wife of whoredoms and children of whoredoms" because the land has "committed great whoredom." So Hosea did as God commanded and "took" a wife named Gomer. See here.
- 2:2-3 Hosea tells his kids to talk to their mother, "For she is not my wife." Then God continues to rant about "whoredoms" and "adulteries from between her breasts." He threatens to "strip her naked and set her as in the day she was born." Mere argument by outrage and imposition of prudery.
- 2:4-5 God "will not have mercy upon her children for they be the children of whoredoms. For their mother hath played the harlot." Ditto.
- 2:10 God says he "will discover her lewdness in the sight of her lovers." Ditto.
- 2:13 God gets jealous when women wear jewelry and pursue relationships with other men. It is a figure specifically for the Jews, and I assume SAB has no problem with his spouse (or future spouse) stepping out on him.
- 3:1 God tells Hosea to "love a woman beloved of her friend, yet an adulteress." See above.
- 3:2 In accordance with God's command, Hosea buys himself a wife for 15 pieces of silver and one and a half homers of barley. See above, 1:2-3.
- 4:3 Because of the Israelites' disobedience, the land mourns, and all the animals are dying. Mere outrage.
- 4:10 Committing whoredom by going a whoring with the spirit of whoredom. And the problem is what, other than SAB's provincialism against metaphors?
- 4:13 If you misbehave, God will make your daughters "commit whoredom" and your wife "commit adultery." It is not a cause and effect relationship stated, but a practice and result relationship.
- 5:6 God "hath withdrawn himself from them," contrary to verses that say God will help in our times of need. Rebellion is not a "time of need".
- 5:14 God's going to tear up Ephraim like a lion so "in their affliction they will seek me." That's nice. It sure it. Other than outrage, what's the problem?
- 6:2 "After two days will he revive us: in the third day he will raise us up, and we shall live in his sight." This may be the verse referred to in Luke 18:31-33 and 1 Corinthians 15:3-4. However, Hosea 6:2 refers to the people living at the time (hence "us") and therefore cannot be fulfilled by the the death and resurrection of Jesus. Get relevant clues here.
- 6:6 "For I desired mercy, and not sacrifice." It is nice to know that God desires mercy. However, look at Psalm 136:10 for an example of God's of mercy. As for sacrifice, what are the first 9 chapters of Leviticus about? Plus, God says he doesn't want animal sacrifice, contrary to other verses that say he does. Define mercy properly here and get understanding about negation idioms here.
- 6:9-10 More talk of lewdness and whoredom. More provinicialist prudery from SAB.
- 7:8-9 It's not clear in the KJV, but "people" and "strangers" are translated as "aliens" and "foreigners" in other versions. This would mean part of the reason for Ephraim's bloody fate is association with other races. I.e., who introduced them to their gods, in line with the propensity of ancient persons to stick with their deities.
- 7:13 God plays the control freak again, "woeing" them with destruction. SAB argues by outrage again, having no rational argument to present.
- 7:16 For their ungratefulness, God says the princes "shall fall by the sword." Ditto.
- 8:4 God, the all-knowing, didn't know about the princes that the Israelites made. SAB, the unknowing, doesn't understand sarcasm.
- 8:11-13, 9:3 Will Ephraim return to Egypt? See first entry here.
- 8:13, 9:4 God again says he does not want animal sacrifices. See above.
- 8:14 God will burn the cities of Israel and Judah. Mere outrage.
- 9:1 Israel has "gone a whoring" and sys "loved a reward upon every cornfloor." Mere prudery again.
- 9:7 The prophet is a fool, the spiritual man is mad." Wow, Hosea and I finally agree on something! Wow, SAB thinks a smart remark is worth making!
- 9:11-12 God will induce miscarriages and kill the children of Ephraim. The reference is to Epharaim's glory, not literal people.
- 9:14 In another "pro-life" passage, Hosea says: "Give them, O Lord: what wilt thou give? give them a miscarrying womb and dry breasts." Ditto.
- 9:15 God hates the sinner even more than the sin. Hardly says that, though "hate" means not looking after interests; see also here and here.
- 9:16 In answering Hosea's tender prayer, God swears he will "slay even the beloved fruit of their womb." The metaphor above continues and SAB is still a pedantic literalist.
- 10:14 God plans on punishing Israel the same way Beth-Arbel was destroyed; including the "dashing" of mothers and children. Outrage only.
- 11:1 "When Israel was a child, then I loved him, and called my son out of Egypt." Matthew (2:15) claims that the flight of Jesus' family to Egypt is a fulfillment of this verse. But Hosea 11:1 is not a prophecy at all. It is a reference to the Hebrew exodus from Egypt and has nothing to do with Jesus. Matthew tries to hide this fact by quoting only the last part of the verse ("Out of Egypt I have called my son"). See link above.
- 11:3-5 Will Ephraim return to Egypt? See above.
- 11:10 God can roar like a lion. SAB can pedantically evaluate metaphors.
- 12:14 The blame for Ephraim's bloody destruction falls on Ephraim, not on God. Even though God is the one who brings it about. As a result of, what? Ephraim was just sitting aroun playing checkers, of course.
- 13:7-8 God will rip humans apart and then eat them like a lion. Outrage and lack of appreciation of metaphor.
- 13:16 Because the Samaritans chose to worship another deity, God promises to dash their infants to pieces and their "women with child shall be ripped up." Outrage.
Joel
- 1:18-20 The animals are perplexed and cry out to God after he torments them by burning their food and drying up the rivers. Outrage.
- 2:1 "The day of the LORD cometh, for it is nigh at hand." Is every really bad day the "day of the Lord"? And is it always "nigh at hand"? Yes, see here.
- 2:13 God is "merciful, slow to anger, and of great kindness." Really? Is this the same god who orders Saul to slaughter "both man and woman, infant and suckling, ox and sheep, camel and ass" in 1 Sam.15:2-3? See above, Hos. 6:6.
- 2:25-26 God says he will repay Israel for the damage the locusts caused -- which he sent! And they will "praise the name of the Lord." Still just outrage rather than rational argument.
- 2:31 "The sun shall be turned into darkness, and the moon into blood." These "signs" were a lot more impressive before the causes of solar and lunar eclipses were understood. These "signs" are a lot less pedantic when understood as referring to government entities (as the Rising Sun means Japan, for example).
- 2:32 "Whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be delivered." But Jesus denies this in Mt.7:21. See here.
- 3:3 A boy is "given for a harlot" and "a girl for wine." Real conditions in the ANE. Does SAB say we should stop watching the news?
- 3:4 God says vengeance is only okay if he's exacting it. Where SAB gets such a reading is a mystery.
- 3:8 God plans to "sell your sons and your daughters." Mere outrage.
- 3:10 God commands you to "prepare for war" by beating "your plowshares into swords, and your pruning hooks into spears." Ditto.
- 3:16 The Lord will roar and the heavens and earth will shake. SAB will continue to be a pedantic literalist.
- 3:17, 21 Where does God live? See last entry here.