• 1:7-11 The king throws a party and encourages his guests to drink to excess. Then, when they are all drunk, he orders Queen Vashti to show her stuff before him and his guests. Yes, and the problem is, what? Is SAB denying the historicity? Complaining prudishly about the mirror image? What?
• 1:10-12 Vashti refuses to entertain the kings drunken guests by dancing before them. For this she is no longer to be queen, to be replaced by someone better (prettier?). Ditto.
• 1:13-22 Because of Vashti's disobedience, the king decrees that "all the wives shall give to their husbands honor, both the great and the small" and "that every man should bear rule over his own house." Yep. Again, what's he complaining about? Does he think male chauvinism didn't exist?
• 2:2-4 So "all the fair young virgins" throughout the kingdom are brought before the king, and the one that "pleaseth" the king the most will replace Vashti. Still waiting for an actual problem to be noted. Just don't start reciting a history of the Third Reich or SAB will go into shock.
• 2:8-9, 12-17 When it was Esther turn to "go in unto the king," she pleases the king the most. So, having won the sex contest, she is made queen in Vashti's place. Still waiting. I guess we'll have to wait.
• 2:9, 12 But since women are inherently dirty, she must be "purified" for twelve months before she can be made queen. "Inherently dirty"? Not a word says that. This is referring to the equal to attending a luxury spa.
• 2:23 Esther has two men "hanged on a tree." And the problem is, what? Does SAB want to argue about capital punishment?
• 6:6 "Haman thought in his heart." Most people think with their heads, but biblical folks think with their hearts. See here.
• 7:6, 10 Esther has another man (Haman) hung. Who, being that he was planning genocide, didn't deserve it.
• 9:13-14 Our heroine (queen Esther) suggests that the ten sons of Haman should also be hanged (She already got Haman hung 7:10). So "they hanged Haman's ten sons." Ditto.
• 9:16 The Jews kill 75,000. Praise God! Who would have killed them otherwise. Praise SAB!

Job

• 1:1, 8, 22; 2:3 According to these verses Job was perfect, upright, and sinless. Yet many other verses in the Bible say that such a person has never existed. See here.
• 1:6, 2:1 Here we are told that "the sons of God came to present themselves to the Lord." Why then does the New Testament claim that Jesus was God's only son? No, His only begotten Son. Try again. Familial language was often used of social ingroups as well as "blood" relations.
• 1:7, 2:2 God asks where Satan has been lately (apparently God didn't know), Rather, was asking the rhetorical question typical of ancient conversation between a monarch and his subjects and Satan answered saying, "From walking to and fro in the earth, and from walking up and down on it." This verse inspired Mark Twain's delightful "Letters From the Earth.". That's nice. So what?
• 1:12 God gives Satan power over all that Job possesses. And the problem is, what? Argument by outrage? If Job's story affected the lives of billions over history, then even Job would say it was worth it.
• 1:19 God (or Satan) sends a wind that kills Job's sons and daughters. Ditto.
• 2:3-7 God and Satan play a little game with Job. God allows Satan to torment Job, just to see how he will react. Ditto.
• 2:9-10 Job's wife rightly says that if Job is to keep his integrity, then he should curse God (for paying vicious games with Satan) and die. Job replies that she if talking like a "foolish woman." Job was right. SAB can marry Job's wife. Ditto on above.
• 3:1-3, 11 Because of God's cruel wager with Satan, Job curses the day he was born. And the problem is, what?
• 6:6 Job asks the important question: "Is there any taste in the white of an egg?" SAB plays the bigoted provincialist with no appreciation of ancient wisdom literature and discourse.
• 7:7-9 These verses say that death is final and that there is no afterlife. But this contradicts many other Bible verses. See here.
• 7:19 "Till I swallow down my spittle." Yuck. Yuck? Why? Has SAB been sucking on dirt?
• 9:6 The earth rests upon pillars and doesn't move (unless God gets angry or something). See here.
• 9:17, 22-24 Job complains that God "multiplies his [Job's] wounds without cause, ... destroys the perfect and the wicked, ... will laugh at the trial of the innocent, ... and covereth the faces of the judges." No attempt is made to deny the truth of these accusations. Not until the last chapters of Job. Oops.
• 10:3 Job asks God an excellent question: "Is it good unto thee that thou shouldest oppress, that thou shouldest despise the work of thine hands?" God doesn't answer. Not until the last chapters, again.
• 11:7 "Canst thou by searching find out God?" It seems that for once the Bible agrees with reason and answers no to this question...But Paul disagrees in Rom.1:20. Hello? It's a rhetorical discourse question. See here to "get" what kind of lit Job is.
• 12:6 Job says that God rewards evildoers with wealth and happiness. But the Psalms (34:21) say that they will be desolate. See here.
• 13:16 JW obsession issue, we pass.
• 14:4 Speaking of births, Job says: "Who can bring a clean thing out of an unclean. Not one." So according to the Bible, women are dirty (sinful), giving birth is dirty (sinful), and the newborn baby is dirty (sinful). SAB can't seem to differentiate "dirt" from ancient conceptions of ritual purity, which did not apply only to sin and physical dirt.
• 19:17 Job says "my breath is strange to my wife." Mine too. That's nice. SAB the Junior Don Rickles.
• 20:7 Job says that humans perish at death like their own dung. Well, one might fault him for his choice of words, but the idea seems sound enough. Ditto. This is how SAB treats the wisdom literature of other cultures.
• 21:7 Job complains the wicked live long and prosper, contrary to several Bible verses which say the opposite. See above.
• 21:24 "His breasts are full of milk." Poor SAB the prude must have got a kick out of that one.
• 26:11 Heaven is set upon pillars that tremble when God gets mad. See above.
• 27:8-9 JW obsession, we pass.
• 29:6 When things were going well for Job he washed his steps with butter and rocks poured out rivers of oil. SAB has problems with ancient figures of speech.
• 30:27 Poor Job's "bowels boiled." Now that doesn't sound pleasant. Ditto.
• 30:29 Job is the brother of dragons. Try "jackals". Not the KJV-loving dragons.
• 36:13-14 JW obsession yet again, we pass.
• 38:4-6 The earth is set on foundations and it does not move. See above.
• 38:4-7 When were the stars made? Creationism issue -- see Genesis.
• 38:7 "All the sons of God ..." But according to Jn.3:18 and 1 Jn.4:19 there is only one son of God -- Jesus. See above.
• 38:22 God has snow and hail all stored up to use later "in time of trouble." See here.
• 38:31 More JW obsession. We pass.
• 38:37 "Who can stay the bottles of heaven?" Gosh, I don't know. I didn't even know there were any bottles in heaven. See 38:22 item.
• 39:9-10 "Will the unicorn be willing to serve thee?" The unicorn referred to here is probably not the single-horned mythical creature, but rather a wild ox that was mistranslated in the KJV. Correct. Too bad SAB doesn't get this elsewhere when he complains about unicorns in the Bible.
• 40:15-24 Bible believers have identified the behemoth as a hippopotamus, dinosaur, wildebeest, or crocodile. But my favorite is the way these verses are translated by Stephen Mitchell:Mitchell is a Hebrew scholar, as it turns out, and SAB is getting jollies over his decision to translate "tail" as "penis". It may or may not be accurate, but it doesn't matter since SAB is like someone getting jollies out of the Venus de Milo.
• 41:14-24 I guess this fire-breathing monster is supposed to be God. No, it is leviathan, as stated in 41:1.
• 42:5 Job sees God. Yet in many places the Bible says that no one has every seen God. See here.
• 42:13-15 After God (or Satan) kills Job's first set of kids (1:19), he is given an even better set. Praise God. Praise SAB the short-term benefit analyst. See 1:12.