as analyzed by Sheila Rangslinger

The book of Leviticus even tends to bore Christians, who don't realize that they were no more intended to read it -- a technical manual for priests -- than the Electrical Code. And so it's no surprise to see SAB foaming at the mouth over their inability to "get it". Much of what we offer here will be a reference to the item here --where I put the word CLEAN in CAPS is where the answer is found in that article. SAB just doesn't "get it" when it comes to the meaning of ritual impurity in the ancient world, or for that matter, of the meaning of ritual at all. We'll also refer often to Glenn Miller's item here by the word FEM in CAPS.

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1-9 God gives detailed instructions for performing ritualistic animal sacrifices. such bloody rituals must be important to God, judging from the number of times that he repeats their instructions. Indeed the entire first nine chapters of Leviticus can be summarized as follows: Get an animal, kill it, sprinkle the blood around, cut the dead animal into pieces, and burn it for a "sweet savor unto the Lord." CLEAN -- notice that SAB just bigotedly assumes, "Because I find it boring and irrelevant, or outrageous, it is." We presume SAB does not eat meat or wear leather shoes.

1:3, 10 Only unblemished males are to be killed and offered to God. Females don't even make good burnt offerings. FEM -- did it ever occur to SAB that this was a break for thge females? Can you imagine Gloria Steinem demanding "equal rights" on this one?

3:16 When you are making your animal sacrifices, be sure to remember that "all the fat is the Lord's." God loves blood and guts, but most especially fat. And he doesn't like to share! More cultural bigotry, as SAB merely assumes his phobia about blood and guts is universal. Again, we hope he doesn't ever eat at a steakhouse. As for "sharing": presumably SAB thinks God does not deserve honor and can have the leftovers. Try that at Christmas with the wife and kids.

4:2, 13, 22, 27 "If a soul shall sin through ignorance...." But how can someone "sin through ignorance?" Don't your have to at least know that an act is wrong before it can be sinful? Maybe by the modern English definition, but Biblical Hebrew, which didn't have many definitional options, uses the word chata which just means "to miss".

4:20, 26, 31, 35 In Leviticus we are repeatedly told that sins are forgiven by offering bloody sacrifices to God. But in Hebrews (10:4, 11) this is explicitly denied. Actually what Hebrews denies is that such things remove or cut off sins. The word in Leviticus just means to cover. The clear implication, as Hebrews also says, is that the annual sacrifices were only a temporary measure; otherwise they would not need to be repeated.

4:22-28 When a king sins only the best sacrifice will do -- he must offer a male goat to God. But if a commoner sins, a female will do. FEM. Ever occur to SAB again that this is actually a "break" for females? I still don't hear complaints from Ms. Steinem...

5:2-3 If you touch any unclean thing (like a dead cow or a bug) or the "uncleanness of man" (?), then you'll be both unclean and guilty. CLEAN. See how SAB adds the question mark?

5:8-9 Wringing off the heads of pigeons for God. What's he want? Tiny little pigeon guillotines?

5:10, 16, 17 These verses say that God will forgive our sins if we offer him bloody sacrifices. But this is denied in Heb.10:4, 11. Same as above.

5:15, 17 According to these verses it's possible to sin without even knowing that you've done something wrong. Same as above.

6:7 Does God forgive sins if he is offered the burnt bodies of dead animals? This verse says that he does: Hebrews (10:4, 11) says that he doesn't. Yeesh, how many times will he repeat this one?

6:25-27 Whatever touches the dead body of a burnt offering becomes holy. CLEAN. And despite the implication, it's not like the instructions are to go around "holifying" just anything.

7:1-6 The holy law of trespass offering: Find an animal; kill it; sprinkle the blood around; offer God the fat, rump, kidneys, and caul; burn and eat it in the holy place, for "it is most holy." CLEAN plus more of that same bigotry. We hope again SAB is a vegetarian. If not maybe he would like to see a meat packing plant.

7:18-27 Be careful what you eat during these animal sacrifices. Don't eat fat or blood -- these are for God. (And he doesn't like to share!) Same as above. Apparently SAB thinks repeating it 5,839 times makes it more worth the effort and convincing.

7:30-36 God gives instructions for "wave offerings" and "heave offerings." He says these offerings are to be made perpetually "by a statute for ever." Have you made your heave offering today? Better yet, are you a signator to the Deuteronomic contract? See here.

8:7-8 Moses dresses up his brother Aaron with "the curious girdle of the ephod." And SAB thinks it is funny to say "girdle" of a man, apparently. This is the sort of brilliant commentary you get from ignoramuses looking for a cheap laugh.

8:14-32 Moses does it all for God. First he kills an animal; wipes the blood on Aaron's ears, thumbs, and big toes. Then he sprinkles blood round about and waves the guts before the Lord. Finally he burns the whole mess for "a sweet savour before the Lord." Paging Bigot Central! Shall we summarize what this meant to an ancient person? The ears, thumbs, and big toes sprinkled signifies the ritual purification of that which was used to hear, manipulate, and walk -- participation in daily life. Other than that, SAB's "bloodophobia" is not a universal.

9:8-21 More killing, sprinkling of blood, waiving animal parts, and burning carcasses "before the Lord." More bigoted commentary. He finds it useless, so it is. Gotcha.

10:1-3 Two of the sons of Aaron "offered strange fire before the Lord" and "there went out fire from the Lord, and devoured them, and they died before the Lord.... And Aaron held his peace." So Aaron just watched as his sons were burnt to death by God. Sure, and let them worship the god with the 200 foot hoohoo also. What can be said? SAB begs the question as always that God and worship of Him is unimportant, and that there is no need for a proper relationship with Him.

10:6 If priests misbehave by uncovering their heads or tearing their clothes, then God will kill them and "all the people." Um, no, it's not a "universal" as SAB implies; it was a specific forbiddance of mourning Aaron's wayward sons who thought it fine and dandy to serve drunk at the altar. According to SAB, God should just put up with this sort of behavior and be glad we look his way at all.

10:15 God commands the Israelites to keep doing these wave and heave offerings "by a statute forever." See above. The Israelites -- bingo, SAB.

11:2-4 Which kind of animals may we eat? SAB doesn't care, he's a vegetarian. Right? In a link SAb sets out a multitude of verses that give eating instructions to a variety of people over time, which shows extreme naivete. Presumably SAB thinks these are all for universal instructions, but they are not -- each diet specified group membership, and in many cases relationship within a certain covenant, up until NT times when all distinctions were erased. Eating was an act weighted with symbolism in the ancient world and each diet represented something different. SAB lacks the contextual knowledge to realize this so he assumes these are all universal diet plans, including Is. 7:14-15's prescription of butter and honey!

11:5-6 The bible says that hares and coneys are unclean because they "chew the cud" but do not part the hoof. But hares and coneys are not ruminants and they do not "chew the cud." See here.

11:10-12 Clams, oysters, crabs and lobsters are abominations to God. CLEAN. So why can't SAB overcome his bigotry?

11:13, 19 Bats are birds to the biblical God. Rather, to anachronistic translators. See here.

11:23 Be sure to watch out for those "other flying creeping things which have four feet." (I wish God wouldn't get so technical!) We wish SAB would do homework. See here.

12:1-8 Women are dirty and sinful after childbirth, so God prescribes rituals for their purification. If a boy is born, the mother is unclean for 7 days and must be purified for 33 days; but if a girl is born, the mother is unclean for 14 days and be purified for 66 days. This is because, in the eyes of God, girls are twice as dirty as boys. Ha. FEM and CLEAN; SAB is mixing up "dirty and sinful" with "ritually impure". And as Miller says: I think the answer might be found in the social understanding of ritual uncleanness. Ritual uncleanness was not a specifically moral notion--e.g. houses could be 'unclean' (Lev 14.36: The priest is to order the house to be emptied before he goes in to examine the mildew, so that nothing in the house will be pronounced unclean. ). If you look at the general restrictions on someone's behavior while unclean (esp. in Lev 15), you can see that they were not permitted to participate in religious ceremonies, they must avoid touching other community members (e.g. at the market), they must not handle items handled by others, they could not touch beds other than their own, they could not touch clay pots or wooden cooking utensils. In practical terms, they could do NOTHING but stay at home. They could do no housework or cooking, no shopping or cleaning. ALL THEY COULD DO is stay at home and "play with the kids"! What the above passage means, given this understanding of the practical dimensions of 'uncleanness' is that God was simply giving mothers more "time off" for having a girl than for having a boy! Whether this was for the mother's simple enjoyment of the mother-daughter experience, or for the additional bonding, or for additional communication of nurturing warmth (or all of the above), we will not be able to determine from the text. But the fact remains--the mother got to play with her girl babies twice as long as her boy babies before she had to 'go back to work'! It never occurred to SAB that this was another "break" for the females.

14:2-32 God's treatment for leprosy: Get two birds. Kill one. Dip the live bird in the blood of the dead one. Sprinkle the blood on the leper seven times, and then let the blood-soaked bird fly off. Next find a lamb and kill it. Wipe some of its blood on the patient's right ear, thumb, and big toe. Sprinkle seven times with oil and wipe some of the oil on his right ear, thumb and big toe. Repeat. Finally kill a couple doves and offer one for a sin offering and the other for a burnt offering. "Treatment"? No, it's all ritual cleanliness stuff, not treatment. CLEAN.

15:2-15 Long, tiresome, and disgusting instructions regarding the treatment of men who have a "running issue" out of their "flesh." Very enlightening. "And if he that hath the issue spit upon him that is clean ..." I guess SAB's moral values and personal entertainment needs are the plumb line for all of society throughout time, huh? Mere bigotry here.

15:16-18, 32 This passage tells you what to do if you get your "seed of copulation" on yourself, your clothes, or your partner. Thank God this is in the Bible. SAB might better thank God for his Victorian prudery. This from a guy who again is a bigot against ancient ideas of ritual purity (CLEAN). The ancients would WANT to know stuff like this because such purity for them represented the larger sense of maintaining order in the cosmos.

15:19-30, 33 God lays down the law on menstruating women. Such women are to God both filthy and sinful, and anyone who comes near them is contaminated by them. Filthy? Sinful? Once again SAB confuses ritual purity with sinfulness and dirt. See FEM and CLEAN. Ever occur to him that this was a way of giving women working time off? As Miller puts it: This section describes the restrictions on the woman's activities during her period. In general, they mean exemption from required activities (including 'church'), from potentially uncomfortable sexual activities (cf. 15.24) and from many of the household duties (presumably handled by maidservants, children, relatives, or husband)--amounting to a great deal of flexibility.

15:24 A man who has sex with a menstruating woman "shall be unclean seven days." But in Lev. 20:18 God says that such a man and his menstruating partner "shall be cut off from among their people." Which of these nasty laws are we supposed to enforce? The one you pay attention to -- see here.

16:6-28 God explains the use of scapegoats. It goes like this: Get two goats. Kill one. Wipe, smear, and sprinkle the blood around seven times. Then take the other goat, give it the sins of all the people, and send it off into the wilderness. It's like this: SAB thinks merely telling us about it is some kind of argument against it. Don't you wish it were this easy in the other direction? Call it the "presuppositionalism" of Skeptical apologetics.

17:1-5 Who may offer sacrifices to God? On this one SAB clumsily juxtaposes these verses against a couple in Samuel where an individual makes a sacrifice away from the tabernacle. Problem is, this comes after a long list of instructions about atonement sacrifices -- which are therefore specifically what is in mind in Lev. 17.

17:10-14 God forbids eating meat without first draining the blood. JW complaint. We'll pass.

17:11 According to this verse, God ordained animal sacrifice to atone for human sin. But Hebrews (10:4, 11) says "it is not possible that the blood of bulls and of goats should take away sins." Same danged one for the 54,938th time. See above.

18:6-18, 20 Don't "uncover the nakedness" of any of your relatives or neighbors. Just ask them to keep their clothes on while you are around. And the point of this carp is, what? Cheap humour? So SAB approves of whooping it up with your relatives and neighbors? Reserve on orgy in the name of SAB, please.

18:19 "Also thou shalt not approach unto a woman to uncover her nakedness, as long as she is apart for her uncleanness," Don't even look at a menstruating woman. CLEAN issue. Plus the above.

18:21,23 Don't let your "seed" pass through the fire or "lie with any beast." You probably weren't planning on doing these things, but now you know just in case you get the urge sometime. You may not have been planning it, but Levit's contemporaries had it on the calendar. See here. SAB of course just assumes that these people must have been the same as we were.

18:22 Homosexual acts are an abomination to God. And SAB proves that they are not, just by saying so. Easy.

18:25 If you do any of these things, God will cause the land to vomit you out. And of course you wouldn't deserve it. Paging 200 Foot Hoohoo god again...

18:29, 19:8 "Whosoever shall commit any of these abominations ... shall be cut off from among their people." I'm not sure what being "cut off" means exactly, but I bet it isn't any fun. He can learn here.

19:10 The Israelites are instructed to leave some grapes on their vines for the poor and for those that are traveling. Now that is a nice idea. Good, glad he likes it.

19:11 This verse says not to steal or lie. Elsewhere, however, the bible encourages stealing and lying. SAB offers a catalog of verses where he thinks people violated this commandment. We'll handle each at the specific verses in question.

19:13 In this verse God says: "Thou shalt not defraud your neighbor, neither rob him." but in Exodus (Ex.3:22, 12:35-36) God encourages the Israelites to rob their neighbors. Um, yeah. here.

19:14 In this verse we are given the kind command: "Thou shalt not curse the deaf, nor put a stumblingblock before the blind." But later, God's hero, David, says that "whoever kills the lame and the blind "that are hated of David's soul" shall be made "chief and captain." (2 Sam.5:8) D'oh! SAB seems to miss that this is a rhetorical response to the Jebusites in verse 6: "And the king and his men went to Jerusalem unto the Jebusites, the inhabitants of the land: which spake unto David, saying, Except thou take away the blind and the lame, thou shalt not come in hither: thinking, David cannot come in hither." We ain't talkin' literal blind and lame here.

19:15 Is it okay to judge others? See here.

19:16 Don't gossip. SAB likes this and the next one. Good for him.

19:17 Don't hate people.

19:18 "Love thy neighbor as thyself." This is by far the best verse in Leviticus, and one of the best in the entire bible. It seems out of place here, however, since in the next chapter God orders us to kill wizards (20:6), children who are disrespectful toward their parents (20:9), adulterers (20:10), and homosexuals (20:13). And throughout the Old Testament, God encourages the Israelites to kill their neighbors every chance they get. (See Numbers 31 and 1 Samuel 15 for just two of many examples.) Too bad SAB thinks "love" is mushy sentimentality and thinks that the ancient world was just a calm and orderly place. See here.

19:19 "Thou shalt not let thy cattle gender with a diverse kind: thou shalt not sow thy field with a mingled seed: neither shall a garment mingled of linen and woolen come upon thee." I'm glad God told me about this, I was just about to do some of these awful things. It was, as we say, on the ancient's calendars, but SAB of course assumes this is just dumb stuff Levit made up on the spot.

19:20-22 Rape of a slave woman is to be punished by scourging the victim (the slave woman) -- but the rapist's sins "shall be forgiven him." "Rape"? It doesn't say that, sorry, SAB just assumes it.

19:23 God tells the Israelites that the fruit from fruit trees is "uncircumcised" for three years after the trees are planted. SAB apparently got a ha ha out of a picture of fruit with male sex organs. It does say you shall "count" it as uncircumcised, which pretty well indicates too all but the dumb that this is a figure of speech meaning it is ritually unclean for them.

19:26-28 Don't eat anything with blood, don't round the corners of your head, mar the corners of your beard, make any cuttings in your flesh for the dead, or print any marks on you. In other words, don't read this from an ancient perspective of CLEAN. Assume bigotedly they are just dumb instructions made up at random.

19:31 Stay away from wizards and people with familiar spirits. SAB of course does not believe such people actually exist, but we assume Wiccans and the like might have some words on that...

19:32 Respect your elders. He likes this one and the next two.

19:33-34 Be kind to strangers.

19:35-36 Treat others fairly. Don't cheat.

20:2-5 Kill anyone who "gives his seed" to Molech. If you refuse, God will cut you and your family off. Yes indeed. Just feel free to worship the god with the 200 foot hoohoo, right. To SAB all religions are equally invalid, so it A-OK to wave them all off as equally worthless.

20:5 And don't "go a whoring" after Molech or "commit adultery with him." (Don't you love it when God talks dirty?) Perhaps SAB does, which suggests he leads a boring life.

20:6 Stay away from people with familiar spirits and don't "go a whoring" after them either. Ditto on above.

20:9 "For every one that curseth his father or his mother shall surely be put to death." Couldn't we try spanking first? Doubtful. One old enough to do this and be aware of it would be too big to put over a knee. Meanwhile SAB needs to grasp the context of an ancient world where offenses such as these could have led to widespread anarchy, starvation, and death if they were not checked with serious measures.

20:10 Both parties in adultery shall be executed. Ditto. Unlike today it's not just a fun hop in the sack, though if it gets widespread enough, who can tell?

20:11 "And the man that lieth with his father's wife ... both of them shall be put to death." Which? The man and his father? The father and his wife? Or the man and his father's wife? Oh heck, just kill all three. Yeah, much easier than thinking, isn't it? Or reading. SAB must be grammatically disadvantaged to not see it is the man and the father's wife.

20:12 If a man "lies" with his daughter-in-law, then both must be killed. Ditto from the above. SAB wants a world of free love, apparently.

20:13 According to the Bible, all homosexuals must be executed. And again. It's all argument by outrage.

20:14 If you "lie" with your wife and your mother-in-law (now that sounds fun!), then all three of you must be burned to death. Ditto ditto.

20:15-16 If a man or woman "lie with a beast" both the person and the poor animal are to be killed. Ditto #3. These are all matters of CLEAN that SAB just doesn't relate to. He thinks it's more important to be a sentimentalist than to perform actions that symbolically reinforce values for future generations.

20:17, 19-21 Don't have sex with your sister, uncle's wife, or your brother's wife -- and tell them to wear clothes whenever you're around. Same as above. Apparently SAB thinks his is funny. Hey, look at SAB running around nekkid!

20:18 If a man has sex with a menstruating woman, they both "shall be cut off from among their people." But Lev.15:24 says that such a man "shall be unclean seven days." I wonder which is the correct punishment. See above.

20:27 People with "familiar spirits" (witches, fortune tellers, etc.) are to be stoned to death. Same as above.

21:5 Priests must not "make baldness upon their head, neither shall they shave off the corner of their beard." And SAB's problem with this is? The practices described were part of cultic ritual of the day by the pagans. As a bigot, though, he just repeats it as is thinking it is funny as it stands.

21:7 Priests can't marry "whores", "profane", or divorced women. Why? Because "he is holy unto his God" and they would defile him. And the problem with this is? SAB apparently has no idea of marriage as a sacred covenant and prefers the disposable sort that's just for cheap jollies.

21:9 A priest's daughter who "plays the whore" is to be burned to death. Same as above. Nah, sentimentalism is better than allowing society to survive.

21:11 The high priest shall not "go in unto any dead body, nor defile himself for his father, or for his mother." And SAB's problem with this is?

21:13-14 A priest can only marry a virgin. No harlots, widows, or divorced women will do. (God really likes virgins.) And SAB despises sacred covenants. Because as far as he's concerned, none exist. The begged question is so implicit it's startling.

21:15 "Neither shall he [the priest] profane his seed among his people." (His seed is holy.) And the problem here is (yet again)? I guess SAB approved of Clinton using the Oval Office as a bedroom.

21:16-23 Handicapped people cannot approach the altar of God. They would "profane" it. See here. Ditto for next few. These are CLEAN issues SAB just has no knowledge of. Hint: It is NOT physical dirt!

21:18 Anyone with a "flat nose, or any thing superfluous" must stay away from the altar of God.

21:20 A man with damaged testicles must not "come nigh to offer the bread of his God."

22:3-5 A man who is unclean, or is a leper, or has a "running issue", or "whose seed goeth from him", or who touches any dead or "creeping thing" ... "shall not eat of the holy things, until he be clean."

22:11 "But if the priest buy any soul with his money ..." It must be OK to buy slaves; even priests do it. See here.

23:12-14, 18 God gives us more instructions on killing and burning animals. I hope SAB doesn't read his BBQ grill instruction manual... I guess the first nine chapters of Leviticus wasn't enough. He says we must do this because he really likes the smell -- it is "a sweet savour unto the Lord." And the problem with this is? The savour rests in the act of obedience. The ancients deeply connected sense impressions with experience and action. Meanwhile in contrast SAB is the sort who likes fart jokes.

23:14, 21, 31, 41 God tells Moses that his law shall be "a statute forever." But Rom.7:6 says that God's law is "dead." See above.

23:22 To help feed the poor and strangers, farmers should not harvest the corners of their fields. SAB likes this one. Too bad it didn't clue him in about social conditions in the ANE that made these other rules essential to survival.

23:29-30 Don't do any work on the day of atonement or God will destroy you. Yep, don't worry about preserving the social order. Civilization wasn't worth saving anyway. Just look at Gilligan's Island.

24:14-23 Anyone who blasphemes or curses shall be stoned to death by the entire community. Ditto. Of course for SAB blasphemy is a joke, so...

24:20 An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth. If we apply this rule then we'll all wind up toothless and blind. Um, how, exactly? Apparently SAB thinks the rule allows us to keep going after initial restitution has been extracted.

25:17 Should we fear God? See here.

25:39 God's instructions for buying your brother for a slave. And SAB's problem is? Oh -- of course. He thinks ancient slavery is the same thing as Kunte Kinte...see link above.

25:44-46 God tells the Israelites to make slaves out of their neighbors. The "heathens" and "strangers" are to be their possessions forever. Ditto on above. And actually it's not as SAB spins it -- not "go out and make slaves of them" but "if you have slaves, make them these."

26:7-8 God tells the Israelites to "chase" their enemies and make them "fall before you by the sword." He figures five of the Israelites will be able to "chase" a hundred of their enemies, and a hundred will be able to "put ten thousand to flight." And the problem with this is, again...? I guess SAB is all for just letting dictators take over...

26:9 God says he "will have respect unto you." But this contradicts many Bible verses claiming that God has respect for no one. See here.

26:16-39 God describes torments that he has planned for those who displease him. The usual stuff: plagues, burning fevers that will consume the eyes, etc. but he reserves the worst for the little children. He says "ye shall sow your seed in vain, for your enemies shall eat it", "I will send wild beasts among you, which shall rob you of your children", and "ye shall eat the flesh of your sons .. daughters." And none of this is preferable to allowing civilization to collapse. Isn't sentimentalism a wonderful thing? Remember, see here.

26:41 "If then their uncircumcised hearts be humbled ..." How can a heart be "uncircumcised"? See above.

27:2, 10 Does God approve of oaths? According to these verses he does. See here.

27:3-7 God estimates the value of human life in dollars and cents. Of course, to God, females are worth considerably less than males -- but neither are worth much. This is actually for a vow, but does it occur to SAB that this was a way of giving ladies a 50% discount and making it EASIER for them? Duh! Still waiting for a complaint from Steinem about Ladies' Nights at bars...

27:28-29 All "devoted" things (both man and beast) "shall surely be put to death." And that's much better than letting society collapse, isn't it? Just be a sentimentalist and let yourself be the last one alive...turn the light off when you're done, eh?