The Skeptics' Overrated Bible on Proverbs

as analyzed by Sheila Rangslinger

Most Skeptics fall all over the book of Proverbs for lack of grasp of the genre, as noted here. SAB flops on this one as well, and at such places we will note with a PROV (in CAPS) as well as make any added comments.

1:8 "My son, hear the instruction of thy father, and forsake not the law of thy mother." JW-related complaint. We pass, but note that SAB makes several comments below in which it is clear that they are written in the context of a father addressing a son.
1:26-28 God will laugh at your misfortunes, mock you when you are afraid, and ignore you when you ask him for help. And if you seek him, you will not find him, contrary to Pr.8:17, Mt.7:7-8, and Lk.11:9-10. This must be where Sam Gibson got this goofy one. Or vice versa. See here.
2:16-19 God warns us about the dangers of "strange women." Strange men are OK though. Um, yeah. Here's the first place where SAB glides right over that this is a father (not God) talking to his son. So we'd hardly expect a father to warn his son about "strange men" in this context. Hello? We'd expect the MOTHER to do that for her daughter.
3:3 A beautiful proverb about mercy and truth. SAB likes quite a few of these. We'll just note these with a LIKE (all CAPS).
3:5 "Lean not unto thine own understanding." Don't try to understand things; just accept whatever the bible and your religious leaders tell you. All that about the Bible and religious leaders isn't in there, sorry. PROV -- and an immensely begged question.
3:13 According to this verse wisdom and understanding make people happy; but Ec.1:18 says that knowledge makes people miserable. See here.
3:27 "Withhold not good from them to whom it is due, when it is in the power of thine hand to do it." LIKE.
3:29-31 Some nice proverbs about peace. LIKE.
4:7 Proverbs, unlike Paul, greatly values wisdom and understanding. See above.
4:24 Speak plainly and honestly to others. LIKE.
5:3-5 The feet of strange women "go down to death," and "her steps take hold on hell." And the point is? Is SAB going to deny the damage that adultery and other extramarital relationships do?
5:18 "Let her breasts satisfy thee at all times." Too bad SAB is a Puritan. The Hebrews were very earthy people -- we're the weirdos.
6:24-26 Watch out for those evil, strange, and whorish women. SAB apparently thinks no such women ever existed.
7:5-27 A woman that seduces a man is evil -- the man is just an innocent victim. Actually it says that these men are simple and without understanding -- not "innocent".
7:18 "Come let us take our fill of love until the morning." Once again SAB mistakes Victorian prudery for a universal value.
8:17 "Those that seek me early shall find me." Or will they? Pr.1:28 says just the opposite: "They shall seek me early, but they shall not find me." See again here.
9:13-18 We are warned again about "foolish women" who are "simple" and "knoweth nothing," who drag their guests into "the depths of hell." And of course no such women ever existed. Meanwhile somewhere a mother warns her daughter of "foolish men" who are...
10:12 "Hatred stirreth up strifes: but love covereth all sins." LIKE.
10:27 This verse claims that the wicked die young, but Job 21:7-9 says the wicked live long and prosper. PROV. Besides, the latter is merely Job's own view of things as part of a dialogue -- see here.
11:2 "When pride cometh, then cometh shame." LIKE.
11:9 JW comment. We pass.
11:17 "The merciful man doeth good to his own soul: but he that is cruel troubleth his own flesh." Okay, I don't know about the soul stuff, but I like the general idea. LIKE of course.
11:22 A fair woman without discretion is like a golden jewel in a pig's snout. Says a father to a son. Meanwhile a mother is telling her daughter than a handsome man without discretion is like a silk necktie on a horse's rear end.
11:29 "He that troubleth his own house shall inherit the wind." A nice thought and a great movie. LIKE. Sort of. Most of the wind inherited from that movie was intestinal gas.
12:1 "Whoso loveth instruction loveth knowledge." But Paul expresses a different view in 1 Cor.14:38: "But if any man be ignorant, let him be ignorant." PROV, but even so I'm waiting to see how these actually contradict.
12:10 Be kind to animals. (Don't eat them.) Does SAB follow this advice? Right now he's murdering millions of microscopic beasties just by breathing.
12:15 "The way of a fool is right in his own eyes: but he that hearkeneth unto counsel is wise." LIKE.
12:19 "The lip of truth shall be established for ever: but a lying tongue is but for a moment." LIKE.
12:21 This verse says that bad things don't happen to good people. But this is denied in Heb.12:6. PROV.
12:22 "Lying lips are an abomination to the Lord." If so, then why did God "put a lying spirit in the mouths" of prophets? (1 Kg.22:23) See here.
13:1"A wise son heareth his father's instruction." LIKE.
13:20 JW comment. We pass.
13:24 Beating your children with a rod is a sure sign of parental love. In a world where lack of discipline meant the potential end of civilization, and at the least a sure early death, it certainly was. SAB lives in a world with a 7-11 on every corner and knows no better.
13:25 This proverb tells us tow [sic] to tell the good from the bad: Good people are the ones who get plenty to eat, and wicked are the ones who go hungry. PROV. Not an absolute.
14:7-8, 16-18, 21-22, 29 Some good proverbs about wisdom, anger, mercy and folly. LIKE.
14:20 "The poor is hated even of his own neighbour: but the rich hath many friends." Can't argue with this one. LIKE.
14:15 "The simple believeth every word." I wonder if this would apply to the fundamentalists who believe every of the Bible. But Paul says that we should "believe all things." (1 Cor.13:7) Yeah, like when Jesus spoke of "all things" in Mark 4, that means he's still talking now...I don't know about "fundies" but we are "the prudent man looketh well to his going."
15:1 "A soft answer turneth away wrath." Now that's a nice proverb. LIKE.
15:2, 7 Some good remarks about wisdom. LIKE.
15:3 This verse says that God sees everything. But other verses disagree. SAB hauls up a score of the usual verses showing God looking down at things, etc. which we will deal with at the locales of the "negative" verses.
15:6 Is wealth a sign of righteousness or of wickedness? PROV.
16:4 God made bad people for the pleasure of punishing them, contrary to 1 Tim.2:4 and 2 Pet.1:9. PROV. Also see here. SAB seems unaware that what God "wills" for free creatures is not necessarily that which will come to pass.
16:7 If you are faithful to God, your enemies will be at peace with you. If so, then the author of 2 Tim.3:12 must have been mistaken. PROV yet again. Sigh.
16:18 "Pride goeth before destruction, and an haughty spirit before a fall." LIKE.
16:21-22 Some nice proverbs about wisdom. LIKE.
16:28 Don't gossip about others. Avoid saying hurtful things. LIKE.
17:22 Is it a good thing to be happy as this verse says, or is happiness something to be avoided (Ec.7:3-4, Lk.6:25)? PROV. As if anyone could ever say sensibly that one or the other was always the right thing. Yeesh.
17:28 "Even a fool, when he holdeth his peace, is counted wise: and he that shutteth his lips is esteemed a man of understanding." LIKE.
18:2,6 "A fool hath no delight in understanding." and hiis "mouth is his destruction." This seems true enough, but Christians should remember the words of Jesus in Matthew 5:22:" Whosoever shall say, thou fool, shall be in danger of hell fire." And SAB should recall the social context explained here.
18:13 "He that answereth a matter before he heareth it, it is folly and shame unto him." LIKE. Meanwhile SAB has been "answering matters" without any research for years.
18:22 Is marriage a good thing? PROV. Setting it against the particular situation of 1 Cor. 7 is an absurdity.
19:18 Beat your children and don't stop just because they cry. See above. If SAB had been in charge civilization would have gone down the tubes in a backwash of sentimentality.
19:23 Do bad things happen to good people? PROV.
20:1Wine and strong drink are condemned in this verse, but in other places the Bible encourages drinking. See here.
20:9 Can anyone claim to be free from sin? See here.
20:27 What is "the candle of the Lord" doing probing about "the inward parts of the belly?" What is SAB doing reading a figure of speech with pathological literalism?
20:30 How could "the blueness of a wound" or "stripes [on] the inward parts of the belly" cleanse away evil? Ditto. How could punishment cause a person to abandon crime?
21:9 Avoid living with "brawling" women. Yep, SAB likes living with those.
21:18 "The wicked shall be a ransom for the righteous." LIKE.
21:19 Try not to live with "contentious" or "angry" women. SAB likes those, too. In fact he looks for women who will beat him up. Meanwhile a mother tells a daughter, as the father of Proverbs tells his son...
21:23 Be careful how you speak; words can do great damage. LIKE.
22:1 "A good name is rather to be chosen than great riches." LIKE.
22:6 "Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it." LIKE.
22:9 "He that hath a bountiful eye shall be blessed; for he giveth of his bread to the poor." LIKE. Wow, 4 in a row.
22:14 "Strange women" have "deep pits" for mouths into which fall those whom God hates. And SAB thinks they don't? Meanwhile a mother tells a daughter...
22:15 Beating your children will make them less foolish. Have you beaten your child today? Is civilization always on the brink of anarchy today?
23:6 Don't eat dinner with a person who has an "evil eye." And the problem is? I suppose SAB does not know that a person with an "evil eye" is someone who is greedy.
23:9 "Speak not in the ears of a fool: for he will despise the wisdom of thy words." LIKE.
23:12 "Apply thine heart unto instruction, and thine ears to the words of knowledge." LIKE.
23:13-14 Beat your children hard and often. Don't worry about hurting them. You may break a few bones and cause some brain damage, but it isn't going to kill them. And even if they do die, they'll be better off. They'll thank you in heaven for beating the hell out of them. Yeah, right. These passages say zero about bones, brain damage, or death. The rod was applied to the back. See above beyond that. SAB still would rather let ancient civilization perish than violate those sentimentalist principles. Such strictures are not necessary today, but if we keep up the way we do, they may be again. See here.
23:27-28 "Whores" and "strange women" lie around waiting to trap innocent men. And of course, these do not actually exist in SAB's world. he would tell his son to just pick someone at random.
23:33 Don't even look at any "strange women." If you do, you will utter perverse things. And the problem here is?
24:17 "Rejoice not when thine enemy falleth, and let not thine heart be glad when he stumbleth." But Ps.58:10 says we should rejoice when our enemies suffer. PROV.
24:21 Should we fear God? See here.
24:28 "Be not a witness against thy neighbour without cause; and deceive not with thy lips." LIKE.
24:29 "Say not, I will do so to him as he hath done to me: I will render to the man according to his work." LIKE.
25:21 "If thine enemy be hungry, give him bread to eat; and if he be thirsty, give him water to drink." LIKE.
25:24 Avoid living with "brawling" women. Nope. SAB says look for them and make sure you do live with them.
26:3 Whip horses, bridle asses, and strike the backs of foolish people with rods. And meanwhile, don't worry if social anarchy ensues otherwise.
26:4-5 These two consecutive verses directly contradict one another. Verse 4 says not to answer a fool and verse 5 says to answer him. See here.
26:11 "As a dog returneth to his vomit ..." Ah. SAB the prude objects to the mention of vomit.
26:12 "Seest thou a man wise in his own conceit? there is more hope of a fool than of him." LIKE.
26:14 "As the door turneth upon his hinges, so doth the slothful upon his bed." LIKE.
27:1 "Boast not thyself of to morrow; for thou knowest not what a day may bring forth." LIKE.
27:2 "Let another man praise thee, and not thine own mouth; a stranger, and not thine own lips." LIKE.
27:15 "Contentious women" are like "a continual dropping on a very rainy day." There are no contentious men. Well, maybe there are a few, but they are like sunny spring days. Sure, why would a father warn his son about contentious men? Maybe SAB thinks they were homosexual...
28:9 If you don't listen to and follow the laws of Moses, then don't even try praying, because your prayer will become an abomination. Sounds right to me. The problem here is, what? SAB thinks God should give us what we want even after we spit in His eye?
28:21 To follow this proverb you must treat everyone with disrespect. Huh? The verse speaks of "respect of persons" -- partiality. Not "respect" as we define the term.
28:22 If you are greedy then you must have an "evil eye." Bingo. He figured out the figure of speech!
29:5 "A man that flattereth his neighbour spreadeth a net for his feet." LIKE.
29:7 "The righteous considereth the cause of the poor: but the wicked regardeth not to know it." LIKE.
29:15 Beating your children will make them wise. And not doing so in the dangerous world of antiquity would guarantee them an early grave. See again here.
29:19 Beat your servants (slaves), as though they were your children. See above. Social order applied as much to adults as children.
29:23 "A man's pride shall bring him low: but honour shall uphold the humble in spirit." LIKE.
30:5 "Every word of God is pure." Well then, the Bible must not be the word of God. See Ezek.23:20 and Mal.2:3 for just two examples of the "pure" word of God. Ah, so it goes like this: 1) Define "pure" in terms of modern mores2) assume the same applies back then. NOT..
30:6 JW issue, we pass.
30:17 If you mock your father or disobey your mother, the ravens will pick out your eyeballs and the eagles will eat them. And if you don't eat your spinach, your face will freeze that way. Get it?
30:18-19 One of the four "wonderful" things is "the way of a man with a maid." (As a sailor and birdwatcher, though, I have to agree that the way an eagle flies and a ship sails are two of the most wonderfull things.) And the problem is?
30:20 Adulterous women eat, wipe their mouths, and say "what a good girl am I." Once again: The problem is? What? That only women are mentioned? As if a father is interested in telling his son what adulterous men are like...as if he planned on dating or marrying any.
30:21, 23 One of the four things that the earth cannot bear is: an odious woman when she is married." Ditto.
30:33 "The wringing of the nose bringeth forth blood." And thus, what? I guess SAB thought this was funny.
31:3 Don't give your strength to women. I would think SAB would like this one, which basically means, don't beat women up. See if Steinem wants equal rights on this one...or else, some commentaries say it is about wearing yourself out on prostitutes.
31:6-7 "Give strong drink unto him that is ready to perish, and wine unto those that be of heavy hearts. Let him drink, and forget his poverty, and remember his misery no more." These verses recommend drinking wine and strong drink, but elsewhere in the bible drinking is condemned. See again here.
31:10 "Who can find a virtuous woman?" Virtuous men are much more common. A father (or here, mother) talking to a son would of course want to advise is son of the availability of virtuous men.