"Refutations" of My Web Comics!

I asked some of the readers of both of my websites to have a little fun by pretending to be one of my atheist/Skeptical critics writing a "refutation" of one of my Hearthstone comics. The results have been utterly hilarious! Let's have a look.


Critique of "J. P. Holding"'s Hearthstone series by Dr. Imus J. Keptic

It has come to my attention that a character going by the pseudonym "J. P. Holding" is attempting to extend his propaganda-spreading tentacles into the world of cartoons. Even here he is NOT TO BE TRUSTED as we shall see in the following dissertation.

Range Patrol #1: "Cold Reception"

Hearthstone is cast as an alternate universe, but the target dummy on the first page bears an obvious resemblance to a human figure. So as you can see, "J. P. Holding" is NOT TO BE TRUSTED, as he can't even get something THIS SIMPLE right. On page 2, Beamer expresses sympathy for the decapitated target dummy. This is a parallel to how those IDIOTIC Christians worship a DEAD JEW (WHO DIDN'T EVEN EXIST BY THE WAY!!!!!)!!!!! On page 3, Sheila has a premonition. OBVIOUSLY, "J. P. Holding" is a PRACTICIONER OF THE OCCULT (of course, this is not a problem for me, since I do not believe in the supernatural)!!!!! We can agree with Sheila on page 5. The merchant is crazy. So is everyone else in Hearthstone. Besides, "J. P. Holding" ENDORSES ALCOHOLISM AS SEEN HERE!!!!!

On page 6, we can only say "DUH!" How can there be snow if it is not below freezing? Therefore, everyone in Hearthstone are blithering idiots, as is their creator. On page 7, we see Sheila being struck by divine judgement for her indecent dress in the earlier pages. This shows that God (WHO DOESN'T EXIST, BY THE WAY) is evil, and an intolerant bigot! In page 8, Sheila automatically assumes that her assailant is MALE, as if females weren't capable of wielding such awesome power. On page 9, we see Sheila reciting an incantation, to ensure that her projectile reaches its target, therefore further cementing the fact that "J. P. Holding" dabbles in the occult.

On page 12, SHEILA TELLS A LIE!!!!! And Annabelle is an old-fashioned idiot who believes in apartheid (those footnotes are nonsense, and is only "J. P. Holding" trying to explain things away, as he always does. Also note how he makes allusions to so called 'agonistic, dyadic' societies, his favorite method for explaining away discrepancies in the Bible). On page 15, SHEILA LIES AGAIN!!!!! As you can see, it can NOT be like water skiing as there is NO WATER IN THE DESERT!!!!!

On page 16, Beamer reveals that HE IS A CANNIBAL!!!!! On page 19, Beamer can be seen touching Annabelle in a suggestive manner. And on page 20 he studies her in her underwear. On page 23, he is seen testing Sheila's kidney for softness. Recall that he is a cannibal. On page 25, we see further proof of Beamer's dirty mind. On page 27, we see more proof that Annabelle's family are insensitive, Bronze Age, tribal deity worshipping, apartheid enforcing dolts. Whatever happened to 'true love conquers all' like in those Disney movies?

On pages 29-30, we see more evidence of "J. P. Holding"'s dirty mind, getting cheap jollies out of shattering clothes. On page 31, we see Annabelle breaking into places where she shouldn't be and READING PEOPLE'S RECEIPTS!!!!! On page 34, Beamer shows that he is an insensitive moron to even suggest that a lady should be burdened by the colossal weight of fruit, especially when she has just dropped her bag from exhaustion. On page 35, we see Annabelle making a complete fool of herself. Again the footnotes are nonsense. She also takes her return to normalcy for granted and insensitively wastes Beamer's work. On page 38, we see Beamer suggesting that females are idiots. On page 39 we see a talking vehicle. Is "J. P. Holding" going to explain this away like he does Balaam's donkey?

On page 41, we see the Range Patrol insensitively excluding poor Annabelle from their plans. On page 44, "J. P. HOLDING" MAKES A TYPO. Which means we can ignore everything else he says. On page 47, we see more evidence of Sheila's occultism. On page 48, Beamer implies that people who prefer to bathe using bathtubs are unclean. On page 54 the Range Patrol invades Sevrin's privacy. Why can't they be understanding and tolerant of his desire for revenge and leave him alone? In the next few pages we see Annabelle and Sheila using DECEIT AND SUBTERFUGE to get the upper hand, and this is promoted as a good thing. Pages 59-60: More evidence of occultic influence. This time Annabelle joins in.

Page 62: Sevrin shows that he is a religious fanatic. This proves that religion is the "root of all evil" as Richard Dawkins says. Page 64: As if it wasn't enough that the Range Patrol broke in and invaded Sevrin's privacy they now turn him into an ice sculpture. Page 65: MORE OCCULT INFLUENCE!!!!! Page 66: I'm sure you cannot answer this 'whopper' question: WHO CREATED "M'KAI"??!!! Page 69: MORE PROOF OF ANNABELLE'S WEIRDNESS. This time "J. P. Holding" doesn't even bother to explain things away in a footnote. Page 71: WEIRDO! WEIRDO! WEIRDO!

Page 72: Beamer has no respect for natural topography and only wants to destroy everything he lays his eyes on. Page 73: Nor does he care about insects. Page 76-77: Brett is willing to die for the chance to be with Annabelle. The story of Christ's Atonement was OBVIOUSLY copied from here. Page 78: WEEEIIIRRRDDD!!!!! And Brett doesn't look like he's wearing any pants. Page 82-83: WEEEIIIRRRDDD!!!!! Page 85: Beamer has no respect for his commander and does not deserve his post. And... Page 86: Campion not only doesn't punish him for it, he commends this behavior! Page 88: MORE OCCULT REFERENCES!!!!!

So it comes to this. "J. P. Holding" has cast a rabbit witch, a dirty-minded cannibal, and two apartheid weirdos as honorable law enforcers. If that doesn't make you hurl I don't know what will.


Critique of "J. P. Holding"'s Hearthstone series by Dr. Imus J. Keptic (continued)

Shrike Team #1: "Fruits of Redemption"

Notice how everyone in this comic are APARTHEID-ENFORCING, LESSER-EVOLVED WEIRDOS. Note on the biography page, "Sonica"/Felicity (note how the characters use pseudonyms to justify "J. P. Holding"'s use of one) gives the readers the finger. Of course, it can be argued that since she only has a thumb and two fingers, it can be interpreted as the equivalent to the pointer instead, but I choose to interpret it in the worst way possible, as that is what "J. P. Holding" deserves. Notice that the foreboding character of Eidolon is clearly a representation of how "J. P. Holding" views himself, that arrogant snob (cf. the Ted Bell comic. Notice how much Eidolon looks like that hooded character). And he is OBVIOUSLY a representative of some pagan god of the underworld - note the hood.

Page 1: Notice how Eidolon is shown as a dogmatic geocentrist, by claiming that their sun, the 'Sky-Fire', revolves around Hearthstone. Besides, he is supposed to be some kind of immortal prophet guy. We all know that is scientifically impossible, so this shows that "J. P. Holding" is an unreliable, inconsistent idiot. Page 2: Note how the narration makes a parallel between the story and the movements of these protozoa. This is INCONTROVERTIBLE PROOF that the Hearthstonian characters evolved from microscopic lifeforms! Felicity shows no respect for her ancestors, cruelly attempting to disintegrate their cell walls. Pages 3-4: Felicity is so obsessed with her work that she sets herself on fire. Likewise, "J. P. Holding" is so obsessed with defending the MYTH that is Christianity that he can only come to harm. Page 4: Notice the reference to apartheid. The footnotes are bunk. Page 5: Here Brom Shriker gives von Lucre the silent treatment, usually reserved for married couples. *wink, wink, nudge, nudge* Also, note how 'lucre' is an archaic term derived from Latin lucrum money, which is a reference to the Biblical maxim that 'money is the root of all evil'. Notice "J. P. Holding"'s monumental hypocrisy here, as he SOLICITS DONATIONS for both his apologetics website and for his comics website!

Pages 6-7: The robot strikes the left side of Brom's face, but only the right side is shown bruised. This is yet another example of "J. P. Holding"'s multitude of inconsistencies. Also note that the Christmas tree is a PAGAN REFERENCE!!!!! Page 8: Brom Shriker and Detective Tyra engage in a conspiracy of DECEIT AND SUBTERFUGE and this is viewed as good. Page 9: More apartheid weirdness, and Felicity makes suggestive movements toward S'nay. Page 11: S'nay dodges his responsibility for what happens afterwards, blaming Felicity for her failure to leave, and blaming his alleged demon possession. OBVIOUSLY, "J. P. Holding" believes in those criminals who claim that 'the devil made them do it'.

Pages 12-17: The narration at the bottom of page 12 says that it will be the last time Felicity will fall asleep at her desk. And yet, she is still alive. Either "J. P. Holding" is a practicioner of the occult, or he is having a very unstable train of thought. Also note that Eidolon's brainwashing of Felicity is a reference to how "J. P. Holding" is clearly brainwashed by Christianity. Page 18: BROM SHRIKER LIES!!!!! Everyone knows that it is physically impossible to stuff 16 revolvers into one's pockets and an armored personnel carrier up one's left nostril. Also note that he endorses cross-dressing. Page 19: Von Lucre's attendants are indecently dressed and are FURTHER PROOF of "J. P. Holding"'s dirty mind. Page 20: Note that the first thing Brom Shriker thinks of is underwear. Is this the kind of thing we want our children to read? Also, the fruit basket is a pagan reference to the sacrificial offering of fruit.

Page 22: Notice how Felicity mistreats those she considers to be of an 'inferior race' in the apartheid system. Page 23: Reference is made to the 'winter festival', where pagan rituals are OBVIOUSLY performed. Page 26: Eidolon is OBVIOUSLY high on magic mushrooms. Page 29: The Chet'lyn are seen to communicate in some kind of secret code used to hide a conspiracy. Pages 31-32: It is SCIENTIFICALLY IMPOSSIBLE for plants to move of their own accord. Okay, so maybe this one does; in that case, it is INCONTROVERTIBLE PROOF of the awesome capabilities of evolution! Page 34: BROM SHRIKER LIES AGAIN!!!!! Skulls are not made of cement - or is it evolution? And why would a ton of bricks be of any worry to Brom, if he indeed has a cement skull? Also, MORE APARTHEID WEIRDNESS. Page 35: How could a ton of bricks be sports fanatics? It doesn't make any sense whatsoever. Or is it evolution? Also, note how Brom Shriker implies that he'll be 'seeing' Felicity again. *wink, wink, nudge, nudge*

Page 36: The tokens are obviously some sort of bargaining tool used within the Chet'lyn conspiracy. Also note Felicity's insensivity to order the Chet'lyn to guard her dwelling while she slumbers comfortably. Page 40: This is obviously a reference to 'reverse acupuncture', the practice of blocking the flow of 'chi' in order to cause pain. Obviously "J. P. Holding" believes in this unscientific 'chi'. This theory is further supported by the name of one of the Chet'lyn, Chi Chi. Page 44: How did Sheila get to the other side of the world? "J. P. Holding" dishonestly explains it away as a 'cameo'. Page 45: Felicity makes suggestive movements toward Chi Chi. S'nay comes to visit Felicity on a 'matter of urgency'. *wink, wink, nudge, nudge*

Pages 47-48: Perfect example of Chet'lyn hospitality to anyone who dares question the tenets of their conspiracy. Pages 49-51: DECEIT AND SUBTERFUGE. Page 51: OBVIOUS PARALLEL to the pagan story of Herakles. Page 52: Brom's COMPLETE DISREGARD OF PUBLIC PROPERTY. Page 53: The detective is OBVIOUSLY a religious fanatic attempting to shove her religion down people's throats. Page 54: Brom considers taking Felicity up on her offer. *wink, wink, nudge, nudge* Page 55-57: S'nay has OBVIOUSLY had magic mushrooms, or was it that selalighi plant? Page 57: Note that "J. P. Holding" ENDORSES EUTHANASIA. Pages 60-64: MORE HERAKLES REFERENCES. Brom is also implied to acquire his power due to the accidental eating of the selalighi, OBVIOUSLY a reference to narcotics.

Page 66: WEIRD! Why wouldn't anyone want privacy? Also, S'nay is lazy and hopes no one will ask him to do his job. Page 68: Brom swallows S'nay's hallucination hook, line, and sinker. Page 69: "Differences in Prycene and Allethene biology"; OBVIOUSLY the result of EVOLUTION!!!!! Brom is WEEEIIIRRRDDD!!!!! Who wouldn't want attention? Page 70: How can a 'day' be a 'truckload of turpentine'? Does "J. P. Holding" think that the 'days' in Genesis are truckloads of turpentine? And S'nay pulls out the 'devil made me do it' tack. Pages 71-72: It is implied that von Lucre uses time travel. Clearly this proves the existence of parallel worlds, and therefore it is perfectly possible that we live in one of infinite universes where life could evolve via random chance. For more information I recommend you read Dr. Michio Kaku's book Parallel Worlds. Page 74: Notice Brom's suggestive movements. *wink, wink, nudge, nudge* Pages 75-76: Eidolon is hopelessly hooked. But he does have a point; the reference to the 'wheels of time' is clearly an endorsement of the theory of oscillationism.

This is, if possible, even weirder than the last one. Everyone here are APARTHEID-ENFORCING WEIRDOS who are HIGH ON MAGIC MUSHROOMS. Not only that, we have the references to an Illuminati-esque conspiracy - clearly paralleling the conspiracy "J. P. Holding" is a part of to IMPEDE THE ENLIGHTENMENT OF SECULAR HUMANISM and TURN THE CLOCK BACK TO THE DARK AGES. Add this to things like Brom's obsession with underwear and S'nay's evasion of responsibility and you have a deadly poison disguised as a cute cartoon series which will surely eat away at the foundations of civilization.


"Fruits of perdition" reviewed by Farrell Till

It appears that *Edited by a moderator* aka "James Patrick Holding" has made another feeble attempt at conning religious ignoramuses out of their money, much like a web version of Benny Hinn. Unlike Hinn however, *Edited by a moderator* has no shame, as his vehicle for deception is not a staged miracle or junk mail, but cartoons for children! From the first page of a comic called "Fruits of Redemption" (and we have reason to believe that *Edited by a moderator* did not give us the real name of the story due to ulterior motives, as we have caught *Edited by a moderator* masterminding a killer tomato invasion.)

From page 1 we can see the true *Edited by a moderator*. *Edited by a moderator* is supposedly some sort of "molinist", but this "Eidolon" character, clearly the incarnation of Holding's ego, is a Calvinist, as proven by his constant references to "predestination". *Edited by a moderator* makes his brainwashing so obvious I'm surprised I'm the only one who got it (although my mother always told me I was a smart little Till, yes she did): the "detective" (named Tyra, no doubt after the Tyre prophecy whose 200+ articles Johnny Skeptic refuted) has a Christmas Tree in her office! If that's not religious brainwashing, I don't know what is!

On page 10 we have undeniable proof that *Edited by a moderator* is up to something. Notice that panel with the weird writing on the right. Jibberish to most people, but I studied Hearthstonish back in kindergarten and I know what it really says: Jesus is yo' daddy! There is no way *Edited by a moderator* can explain this one away. Even an army of scholars can protect him from what is plainly and clearly written on the wall.

On page 14 we have *Edited by a moderator* calvinist doppleganger prove beyond a reasonable doubt that *Edited by a moderator* isn't a normal Christian, but a Christian Wiccan! Notice his endorsement of sorcery! Not only is *Edited by a moderator* but he is also colorblind! His Calvinist pet says he is wielding a "Lightning seraph" but any idiot who has been out on the roof in the middle of a storm and hanged on to the lightning rod for dear life only to be rushed to the hospital half an hour later knows that lightning isn't yellow!

Page 17 is the zenith of *Edited by a moderator* arrogance: we clearly see *Edited by a moderator* brainwashing somebody! *Edited by a moderator* is so sure that nobody is going to notice until it is too late that he dares mock us with obvious messages such as this one. PS: I went through the trouble of taking pictures of *Edited by a moderator* while he was taking a shower. The pictures can be found *Edited by a moderator*


Critique of "J. P. Holding"'s Hearthstone series by Dr. Imus J. Keptic (continued)

Range Patrol #2: "Invasion Praxis"

Adventures of the rabbit witch, the dirty-minded cannibal, and the two apartheid weirdos part 2. "J. P. Holding"'s nonsensical attempt at cartooning is growing quite popular. And, now we, the enlightened Secular Humanists, must rise to the counterattack.

Page 2: The captain is still eating the same asparagus-like plant that he was eating on RP#1 page 86. This is OBVIOUSLY a narcotic that he is hopelessly addicted to. He also talks with his mouth full. Pages 3-5: Brett and Annabelle take full advantage of Campion's absence. *wink, wink, nudge, nudge* Page 6: Beamer smiles as if he is reading a porn magazine as he looks at Sheila's baby pictures. Sheila's violent methods of dealing with people she disagrees with are endorsed. Page 7: Sheila calls Beamer 'sweetie'. *wink, wink, nudge, nudge* Pages 9-11: What kind of responsible parent would let a hooded religious fanatic high on magic mushrooms hold their baby? As Richard Dawkins says, associating a child with a religion is child abuse. Of course, there is nothing wrong with associating a child with atheism, as it is not a religion, but the lack of it.

Pages 12-13: Campion is depicted as a Republican fascist hellbent on war against poorer, Third World nations. In contrast, Miles Angwin's and the President's Democrat-esque pacifism is viewed negatively. "J. P. Holding" is OBVIOUSLY a right-wing warmonger. Why can't we all just get along? Page 13: Campion briefs Brett and Annabelle on how to cruelly starve their victims. Page 14: Notice that whenever the characters discuss what the Cartel does to female prisoners, "J. P. Holding" censors it. This is a parallel to the way he CENSORS INCONTROVERTIBLE PROOFS AGAINST CHRISTIANITY, like the Da Vinci Code. Also note how Annabelle makes a joke about freezing her captors to death. HOW BARBARIC. Page 15: Annabelle says she 'loves' Sheila. *wink, wink, nudge, nudge* Pages 15-16: OBVIOUS reference to the pagan concept of yin and yang. Page 17: Annabelle picks Brett's nose. EEEEEWWWWW!!!!! Page 18: WEEEIIIRRRDDD!!!!!

Page 19: The way the Sanslorian never sleep is OBVIOUSLY a reference to the Gilgamesh epic where Gilgamesh has to stay awake for seven days in order to gain immortality. Also note that the Biblical concept of God never sleeping is OBVIOUSLY copied from here. "J. P. HOLDING" MAKES ANOTHER TYPO. Also note the reference to subliminal messaging, his favorite method for spreading Christian propaganda. Page 20: Sheila uses her psychic powers. I know that because she makes the same kind of face that Raven makes in That's So Raven. Page 21: Sheila is also a Republican fascist warmonger, as she gives priority to weapons, not flowers. Pages 24-25: Bimf, Sheila, and Beamer make suggestive movements. *wink, wink, nudge, nudge* Page 27: More proof of Beamer's dirty mind. Notice how Hearthstone is said to be devoid of fossil fuels. This is "J. P. Holding" spreading his young earth creationist propaganda, reasoning that since there wasn't a global flood on Hearthstone, there wouldn't be any fossil fuels. Of course, we all know that this is unscientific. It is much more plausible that fossil fuels have indeed formed over billions of years on Hearthstone, only to be all mined and taken away by aliens.

Pages 30-31: MORE OCCULT INCANTATIONS courtesy of Sheila the teenage witch. Page 30: Note that the so-called thugs are actually pacifists, who are willing to put away their weapons even when they are insensitively conked by a boomerang. Pages 31-32: And yet the Republican fascist warmongers that are the Range Patrol show no mercy to these poor souls (oops, I mean 'material natures'). Page 34: Beamer insensitively kills the surviving 'soldier' who showed them so much mercy, even against Sheila's counsel.

Page 35: Note how "J. P. Holding" links Beamer's atheistic, evolutionary worldview to his upbringing in the lands of the evil Cartel, and the Sk'lan's 'master race' eugenics programs (of course, when he has Beamer address Kyle Williams, he suddenly turns into a creationist nutcase). By doing so, he implicitly endorses the pernicious propaganda spread by those creationist fanatics claiming that the atrocities in Hitler's régime are somehow caused by the PROVEN SCIENTIFIC FACT of evolution! What's that? I couldn't prove from evolution that what Hitler did was wrong, as he was only trying to advance 'survival of the fittest'? *cough* FOR CRYING OUT LOUD, THE INQUISITION KILLED NINE MILLION WOMEN!!!!! I rest my case.

By the way, the Hearthstonian characters OBVIOUSLY evolved. Notice how Char'lett Paracene (in the Etc. section) has long ears, unlike Brom Shriker, and has a black band around her eyes, instead of red. Also notice the different varieties of Tilkrig and Elapine. This variation CANNOT be the result of genetic information contained within the created ancestors of the kind, as the creationists theorize, because BY DEFINITION ALL CREATIONIST THEORIES ARE NOT SCIENTIFIC!!!!! It is much more rational that the genetic information for these different varieties to have evolved via random mutations. Furthermore, since evolution is defined as 'change over time', we conclude that Annabelle evolved into Snowdrop, and that Brett evolved into Brimstone. We can also conclude that the Range Patrol building evolved into a pile of rubble. This proves BEYOND ANY SHADOW OF DOUBT that the Hearthstone characters evolved from microscopic organisms, which evolved from randomly assembling amino acids! Another proof of Hearthstonian evolution is that 99% OF ALL HEARTHSTONE SPECIES ARE EXTINCT!!!!! I don't know what is the evidence for this (except that "J. P. Holding" states that there were many more species in the past in the 'Social World of Hearthstone' section), but it MUST be true, because of all the extinct transitional forms that must have occurred during Hearthstonian evolution. And Hearthstonian evolution MUST be true, otherwise you will have no life, and NO HEARTHSTONE. What? My argument is 'circular reasoning'? You're just jealous, as you are too dumb to see the profound logic of my superior intellect.

Page 36: The fascist organization that is the Range Patrol spout off more put-downs of their superiors' pacifist policies. Page 37: Censorship again. Beamer is horribly off-size on this page, which shows that we can ignore everything "J. P. Holding" says. Or is it evolution? Also note Sheila's reference to geocentrism. Page 40: Note how the first panel implies that females are weaklings. And they begin discussing about war. HOW BARBARIC. I have organized the Peace Activists to hold a protest at "J. P. Holding"'s house. Pages 43-44: Jess Sandrunner saves Raglen from certain death. The Gospels OBVIOUSLY copied from here. Also note the use of DECEIT AND SUBTERFUGE, which is a parallel to "J. P. Holding"'s deceitful ways in apologetics. Page 45: 'Instinct', OBVIOUSLY the result of EVOLUTION!!!!! Page 46: Annabelle drools in her husband's ear. EEEEEWWWWW!!!!! Page 47: Annabelle violently assaults her husband with a pillow. Page 49: Annabelle does not hesitate to rush out to the streets flaunting her lingerie. Page 50: Annabelle and Brett contemplate suicide.

Page 51: Annabelle is an immature, puerile meanie who goes around throwing snowballs at people. Also, note how her "na na na nee naa naah" taunt is a parallel to "J. P. Holding"'s debate style. Pages 52-54: Again, the 'thug' takes the high road and puts their weapon away, but the BARBARIC duo is only interested in killing them. And they go out hunting for more victims to satiate their thirst for blood. Page 56: Note how Sheila and Beamer insensitively make Bimf slave away like an ox. Page 58: Note how Beamer describes Sheila's shoulders as 'sweet'. Recall that he is a cannibal. And, true to his fascist leanings, Beamer expresses his thirst for revenge. Pages 59-61: *Protests with the Peace Activists at "J. P. Holding"'s house* WAR! HUH! WHAT IS IT GOOD FOR? ABSOLUTELY NOTHING! Page 61: Note Campion's reference to divine inspiration. What a bunch of religious blatherskeit. Page 62: In exactly half a 'cycle', our barbaric duo have SLAUGHTERED 72 people! The violence in this page is sickening. Even after that they still feel the need to kill more victims for their insatiable bloodlust. Pages 63-68: They execute a plan of DECEIT AND SUBTERFUGE, and graphically incinerate their 73rd victim. Page 69: The evac team members are shown applauding this mindless violence. And Brett's bloodlust is still not satisfied. Page 72: Even though Bimf is the one doing all the work, Sheila and Beamer do not offer him any water.

"J. P. Holding"'s political alignment is obvious. He is also one of those dogmatic young earth creationist fanatics. What is worse is that he tries to shove it down our throats with these sickeningly sweet cartoons. If you know what's good for you, you'd burn this comic and sign up for the Peace Activists right now.


Mr "Holding",

Please prove M'Kai exists. In your myth "Invasion praxis" you've got females distracting the Cartel 'thugs' in order that their nutrient tubes can be cut - that's dishonest, isn't it, "Holding"? And when that happens, it kills them. Your comic is BARBARIC. That says a lot about the person who penned it.


Shrike Team #2: "Seeds of Rebellion"

It has come to my attention that a Tekton sycophant by the name of "Spheniscine" is posting my critique, ostensibly for humorous purposes. Ah well, so much the better to let useful idiots such as him to spread the TRUTH ABOUT HEARTHSTONE and advance the CAUSE OF SECULAR HUMANISM, as I have no place to publish it myself. So far, in this cesspool of Christian immorality, we have an underwear-crazed raccoon, a dodgy janitor, an obscene, lecherous sheep, and a hooded magic-mushroom addict. Could things get any worse? They do as we will find out.

1: Felicity threatens to dismember Hangnail's fingers. HOW BARBARIC. 2: Teaming up with an insane hooded guy to exact vigilante 'justice' is not the best of ideas. This shows how idiotic the people of Hearthstone are. Brom is also asked to practice divination. 3: The theme of DECEIT AND SUBTERFUGE is repeated time and time again, in order to justify Biblical passages such as Rahab, and "J. P. Holding"'s debate methods. Also note that Eidolon's invisibility is a parallel to how "J. P. Holding" disappears when faced with SOLID PROOF like Marshall Brain's excellent writings (after all, he wrote howstuffworks.com, that makes him an expert!) and instead just ducks under his ostensible 'No More Stupid People' policy. 4: "J. P. HOLDING" MAKES A GRAMMATICAL ERROR! Also, Brom lies and only wants to whip backsides.

6: Violence! Murder! Fascists! Lions! I... can't... watch... *sucks thumb* These scenes are OBVIOUSLY an attempt at justifying violent Biblical scenes, like Herod's slaughter of the infants, WHICH THE CHRISTIAN GOD EXPLICITLY ORDERED. 7: Hangnail's 'stupid' expression clearly is a parallel to what "J. P. Holding" snobbishly views his opponents as. It also is a parallel to his true nature and level of intellect. 8-9: Shameless attempt to spread the VIRULENT MEMEPLEX of religion. 11: ANOTHER TYPO. Also, note how dangerous these comics are. What if children get ideas to poke their fingers into guns?

14: Eidolon gains cool powers from his stunt. This might convince children to stick their fingers into power outlets so that they might glow green as well. 15: Eidolon cruelly abandons Felicity in her time of need. 16: Eidolon brags about his immortality just as "J. P. Holding" brags about his alleged superiority. Besides, immortality is IMPOSSIBLE, as death is part and parcel of life, of the evolutionary process. 17: Eidolon has been into one too many magic mushrooms again. Also, we once again see "J. P. Holding"'s endorsement of the 'devil made me do it' excuse. Also, Brom picks his nose. EEEEEWWWWW. 18: Eidolon insinuates that females are too weak to protect themselves. 19: Just who writes this stuff? "J. P. Holding" must be high on shrooms as well. Shutting up Eidolon is a great idea, putting an (albeit temporary) end to his shroom-induced drivel. 20-21: S'nay COMMITS SUICIDE, just as TWebber Bagger_Vance so brilliantly points out about Christian martyrs. "J. P. Holding" refuses to appreciate genius such as this, and awards him a 'Screwball Award'. 22: MORE VIOLENCE!!! Brom makes jokes about cruelly crushing his opponent under a boulder. 24: Brom is a shameless promoter of tacky consumerist advertising. Also, he contradicts himself; how can something be extra large and economy size at the same time? 27-28: Von Lucre is made to die a graphic and horrible death. Brom, instead of helping him, attempts to spread his memeplex to him before he dies. 29: *wink, wink, nudge, nudge* Also, TYPO. 31: MORE SHROOM-INDUCED DRIVEL. 33: *wink, wink, nudge, nudge* Also, Brom Shriker is a Bronze Age, tribal-deity-worshipping idiot. 34: By dissing artificial sweeteners, this page is OFFENSIVE to people who are on diets. 35: *wink, wink, nudge, nudge* 36: *wink, wink, nudge, nudge* 37: *wink, wink, nudge, nudge* 38: 1st panel: *wink, wink, nudge, nudge* 3rd panel: How could a Sanslorian be Brom's brother? Doubtless, "J. P. Holding" will bend over backwards and brush this off with talk of 'context' and how this is a 'term of affection', but he is only sidestepping the fact that there is an INCONSISTENCY in the storyline.

39: *wink, wink, nudge, nudge* 40: Detective Tyra organizes a wrestling match for her own viewing pleasure. How selfish. 41: Brom Shriker defies authority. 42: Narf also disregards authority. His adherence to that superstitious pledge is silly, as we all know "M'kai" doesn't exist. Also, note how easy it is to change a letter in his name to read 'barf'. How disgusting. If we continue this process a bit longer, we can also change it to '*Edited by a moderator*', '*Edited by a moderator*', and '*Edited by a moderator*'. Is this the kind of thing we want our children reading? 44: Detective Tyra likes lies and deception. Also, *wink, wink, nudge, nudge* 45: *wink, wink, nudge, nudge* 46: *wink, wink, nudge, nudge* Also, TYPO. 47: *wink, wink, nudge, nudge* Also, note how Brom gets rewarded for DECEIT AND SUBTERFUGE. 48: *wink, wink, nudge, nudge* Also, MORE APARTHEID WEIRDNESS. 49: *wink, wink, nudge, nudge* And what is Raglen doing here? How did he get here all the way from the other side of the world? Why is one of his ears shorter than the other? These are questions that "J. P. Holding" cannot answer. Doubtless, he'll try to explain it away as irrelevant to the storyline, just like he does to the number of King Solomon's stables, which contrary to his assertions are a core point of Christian doctrine.

50: *wink, wink, nudge, nudge* Also, Brom ENDORSES SLAVERY and makes unreasonable demands (or at least, he thinks they're unreasonable demands) of poor Melinda. 51: Brom talks to Felicity as if she was his wife. Felicity thinks Brom is 'cute'. *wink, wink, nudge, nudge* 52: Brom is amused by the happiness the red blobs and green blobs share, but Felicity cannot let this stand. 53: *wink, wink, nudge, nudge* Also, 'hybrid between plant and animal', OBVIOUSLY the result of evolution! 54: *wink, wink, nudge, nudge* 55: *wink, wink, nudge, nudge* 57: *wink, wink, nudge, nudge* Note that the Chet'lyn's method of communication includes astrological symbols. This further cements "J. P. Holding"'s occult influence. 58: *wink, wink, nudge, nudge* Brom is WEIRD. Who wouldn't want praise? 59: *wink, wink, nudge, nudge* 60: *wink, wink, nudge, nudge* 61: Such mean, puerile tactics are not beneath the hero of the story. What does that tell you about the person who wrote it? 62: *wink, wink, nudge, nudge* Also, Felicity gets cheap delight from Brom's display of temper.

63: Note Felicity's plans to buy infant clothing before they're married! Such a juicy scandal! *wink, wink, nudge, nudge* 65-67: As TWebber Pitchforkpat so ingeniously points out about the Christian god, "M'kai", if he exists, ORCHESTRATES RAPE. Also, note that Brom Shriker is able to stop it (of course, true to the underlying theme of right-wing fascism within the Hearthstone storyline, he does it with a display of violence). This proves that "M'kai" is either evil and powerless or does not exist. 68: Detective Tyra ENDORSES THE DEATH PENALTY. HOW BARBARIC. Also, *wink, wink, nudge, nudge* 69: Brom, encouraged by Tyra, cruelly plans to abandon Felicity in her time of need. 72: Felicity must be into shrooms as well. 73-77: MORE 'THE DEVIL MADE ME DO IT' ENDORSEMENT. 75&77: "J. P. Holding" gets cheap jollies by having Felicity rip her suit to show off more cleavage. 76: TYPO! TYPO! TYPO!

This particular installment is simply saturated with shrooms, sex scandals, and spurious safety lessons. Clearly the virulent memeplex that is the Hearthstone series is dangerously spreading, and I, Dr. Imus J. Keptic, provide the only cure. Heed my words or risk peril!