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You may be a fundamentalist atheist if....



An amusing little list in the tradition of Jeff Foxworthy's "You Just Might be a Redneck if..." was sent to us by a reader and we have expanded it since. See how many of these you can apply to people you know!

Notice as of March 2003: To keep the list better organized and help readers spot new material, we will highlight new additions over the current two years in color. Recent add-ons are coded as follows: 2008 in blue. 2007 in red.

    Existence of God
    You may be a fundy atheist if....
  1. You became an atheist when you were 10 years old, based on ideas of God that you learned in Sunday School. Your ideas about God haven't changed since.
  2. You think that the primary aim of an omnibenevolent God is for people to have FUN.
  3. You believe that extra drippy ice-cream is a logical proof against the existence of God, because an omniscient God would know how to stop the ice-cream from being extra drippy, an omnipotent God would have the ability to stop the ice-cream from being extra drippy, and by golly, an omnibenevolent God wouldn't want your ice-cream to be extra drippy.
  4. Although you've memorized a half a dozen proofs that He doesn't exist, you still think you're God's gift to the ignorant masses.
  5. You believe the astronomical size of the universe somehow disproves God, as if God needed a tiny universe in order to exist.
  6. You think questions like, "Can God create a rock so big that He cannot lift it?" and, "Can God will Himself out of existence?" are perfect examples of how to disprove God's omnipotence and ultimately how to disprove God. When someone proves to you the false logic behind the questions (i.e. pitting God's omnipotence against itself), you desperately try to defend the questions, but then give up and go to a different Christian site to ask them.
  7. Related to the above, you spend a great deal of your spare time writing to Christian websites asking them these very questions.
  8. You declare on a public forum that you are "furious at God for not existing."
  9. You spend hours arguing that a-theism actually means "without a belief in God " and not just " belief that there is no god" as if this is a meaningful distinction in real life.
  10. You consistently deny the existence of God because you personally have never seen him but you reject out of hand personal testimony from theists who claim to have experienced God as a reality in their lives.
  11. You can make the existence of pink unicorns the center-piece of a philosophical critique.
  12. You insist that "the burden of proof is on he that alleges/accuses", and "it's impossible to prove a negative", then state "That's what Christians do. They lie. Their most common lie is that they were once atheists." When reminded about the burden of proof bit, you reply with, "Well, prove Christians don't lie!"
  13. You adamantly believe that the "God of the gaps" idea is an essential tenet of orthodox Christian faith espoused by all the great Christian thinkers throughout history.
  14. When you were a child, someone came down with a deadly disease and prayed and prayed for God to take it away. God did not remove the disease and your friend died. You ask other Christians why they had to die when they were such a nice person and never harmed anyone. Dissatisfied with their answers, you suddenly decide that there is no God and that all Christians are nothing but lying, conniving con artists and hypocrites....all that is except for your friend who died.
  15. You call a view held by less than ten percent of the American public "common sense".
  16. You're a spoiled fifteen year old boy who lives in the suburbs and you go into a chat room to declare that, "I know there is no God because no loving God would allow anyone to suffer as much as I...hold on. My cell phone's ringing."
  17. You attack your fellow atheists, who hold the "belief that there is no god", calling them "liars," and state that, "I do not deny the existence of any god. I just don't believe in any." Then you tell someone that their God is "made up." When someone calls you on this, you state, "I never made such a claim."
  18. Going with the definition of "without a belief in God", you insist that all people are born atheists, and that dogs, cats, rocks, and trees are as well. You make statements like, "My dog is an atheist. Ask him about his lack of belief."
  19. You believe that if something cannot be touched, seen, heard, or measured in some way, then it must not exist, yet you fail to see the irony of your calling Christians "narrow-minded".
  20. You say that there is no God and that those who believe in God do so in blind faith, yet your claim that there is no God also rests on blind faith.
  21. While you don't believe in God, you feel justified on bashing God or attacking those who believe in something that you KNOW doesn't exist, fighting against or even discussing about a non-existent being are the symptoms of mental illness!
  22. You complain when Christians appeal to their emotions when justifying their belief in God yet you feel justified on appealing to your emotions for lack of belief in God.
  23. You blame God for the starvation, sickness, pain and suffering in the world...when, indeed, it is MAN's greed, politics, selfishness and apathy that not only causes, but also ignores the sick and the starving masses. We aren't our brothers' keepers....but we should be.
  24. When asked where the big ball of matter (that started the "Big Bang") came from, you insist that it popped out of nowhere.
  25. You say that the existence of God is a "blank idea", since no one knows the universe's secrets, yet you continue to state your opinion of God not existing as a "fact".
  26. You believe in many things about history (the culture of the ancient Mayans, egyptians, etc.), yet you refuse to accept personal modern-day testimony from someone who has personally experienced God.
  27. You ask Christians to come on to your forum to address issues you raise. When you don't like the answers or can't accept them, you proceed to delete the conversation.


    Origins
    You may be a fundy atheist if....
  28. You believe that planes, computers, calculators, compasses, etc, were "all obviously designed," yet the human body, being intricately more complex was "obviously a product of biological evolution." It seems the more complex the apparatus, the more obvious the "fact" that it was not designed.
  29. You claim that evolution and the big bang are two entirely separate theories that explain different aspects of the universe, yet, in what school of learning can you find any real separation or distinction between the two?
  30. As a member of the Skeptic's Society you pride yourself on being skeptical of extraordinary claims. You also pride yourself on silencing everyone who is skeptical of the extraordinary claims of evolution.
  31. Isaac Newton does not count as an example of a great scientist who believed in the Bible since he died before the Origin of Species was published.
  32. When you watch a punt returner run a 93 yard touchdown, you marvel at what evolution has done for the human race. But when someone gets cancer, you blame God for it.
  33. When you're discussing the origin of the world, the phrase "uncaused cause(God)" is a stupid, meaningless thing to say. You will, however, settle for "uncaused effect(the world without God)".
  34. You descended from apes.(Think about it.)
  35. You think that humans are products of chance but when it comes to human reason we can believe in logic! (Think about it !)
  36. You think you arrived at your position because you are a free-thinker who rationally weighed the evidence, and then freely chose atheism over theism. YET, you also believe that your thinking and actions are nothing more than the FIXED reactions of the atoms in your brain that are governed by the Laws of Chemistry and Physics.
  37. When you ask the question "How can life arise from non life" you are told to "get a basic biology textbook". When you ask "if the answer is so easy why don't you tell me?" you are called an ignorant buffoon.
  38. You love to castigate Christians for being "anti-science" if they deny evolution from goo to you via the zoo, and to preach that they should adapt their thinking to the "science" of our day. But you also castigate the Church of 400 years ago for being anti-science, when it DID adapt its thinking to the science of ITS day, i.e. Ptolemaic cosmology, then joined with the Aristotelian scientists of the universities in rejecting Galileo!
  39. You think that some guy named "Dr Dino" with no scientific credentials represents mainstream Evangelical thinking and scholarship about evolution and creation, and thus by spending inordinate amounts of time attacking him you are somehow dismantling the arguments of scholarly dissenters from evolution, creationists with earned Ph. D.s in science, and of advocates of intelligent design.
  40. You claim poker-faced that "social Darwinism" and its spawn of eugenics have absolutely no connection to the biological theories propounded by Charles Darwin in "On The Origin of Species by Means of Natural Selection, or The Preservation of Favoured Races in the Struggle for Life"
  41. You have recently stuck a Darwin fish on your car in the hopes the people with the Jesus fish on theirs will be offended.
  42. You also claim that not only is there no connection between Darwin's theories and the doctrines of social Darwinism and eugenics (despite the fact that the term eugenics was coined and advocated by Darwin's cousin Francis Galton, who acknowledged his debt to Origin), but that none of these philosophical positions have any connection to the modern fields of sociobiology and evolutionary psychology.
  43. You can claim with as straight face on sites like Talk Origins that "Evolution does not have moral consequences" despite the fact that prominent evolutionary advocates like Richard Dawkins and Daniel Dennett vehemently assert that evolution does transcend biology in a way that has a profound effects upon ethics.
  44. When the Pope says that God may have used evolution, he is an enlightened religious leader whom Christians should listen to. When the Pope preaches on the sanctity of human life from conception, and thus denounces abortion, he's just a senile religious bigot who should keep his opinions to himself.
  45. Concerning the origins of life, you feel that though the chances of life forming without an intelligent creator are small it DID indeed happen that way. And yet you don't believe me when a rock, coming from my direction, hits you in the back of the head and I tell you, "I didn't throw it. There was a sudden shift in the earth's gravitational pull and the rock levitated into your head...Sure the chances are small but it DID happen that way."
  46. When you're shown that your view of origins is silly, you can only respond, "Well...at least it's better than believing in some invisible SKY DADDY!"
  47. When a Christian points out the impossibility of a biological system (or feature) forming by pure chance you accuse them of invoking a "God of the gaps". YET, when you are asked how a particular feature could come about solely by chance you invoke "Evolution of the gaps" (i.e., we don't know HOW but we do know that Evolution MUST have done it!)
  48. You claim antibiotic-resistant bacteria is proof protozoa evolved into a person.
  49. You insist that science is completely partial to all ideas, is not dogmatic and researches all possibilities -- except creationism and/or intelligent design.
  50. You claim Creationists don't research on evolution websites before debating against it. Luckily you caught this useful weapon against Christians at the evolution site you learned all about creation doctrine from.
  51. You think that every scientist who believes in Creationism and doesn't mindlessly accept evolution as a fact is a "kook," but you believe that Francis Crick (Nobel Prize winning co-discoverer of DNA), who reached into his nether regions and pulled out the "theory" of Directed Panspermia (which states with absolutely no support that aliens seeded the earth with life - see the movie "Mission to Mars"), is a great evolutionist scientist.
  52. When a creationist points out problems with the evolutionist model you claim that the whole point of science is to answer problems like these. But if you can point out even one problem in the creationist model it should instantly be abandoned as absurd.
  53. You are a person who absolutely believes that life came from nonlife, yet absolutely deny the possibility of anyone rising from the dead.
  54. You won't bet $10 on the football game because a 50/50 chance isn't good enough, but you have no problem gambling with your life on the nearly impossible odds of a cell randomly generating from nothing.
  55. Engaging the "slippery slope" fallacy, you think you can invalidate the whole bible by discrediting Genesis, since 'the whole bible either stands together or falls apart'. However, when a Creationist tries to invalidate the whole doctrine of naturalistic evolution by exposing the sheer improbability and lack of evidence of abiogenesis, you note this point as 'irrelevant'.
  56. You think the movie "Inherit the Wind" best describes the eternal struggle of how an evolutionist is being treated by creationists in this religious society. And you can personally relate your life to the Scopes Monkey Trial.
  57. You ignore "Time Magazine's" poll, which states that only 28% of Americans believe in evolution. But of course, "Time Magazine" must been run by creationists.
  58. You teach a belief only held by 28% of a nation, as truth beyond any shadow of a doubt because only educated people believe in evolution. Yet of course, you ignore that fully educated scientists in most other nations have proven against Darwinian theory. Like the Chinese paleontologist who reportedly says: "In China we can criticize Darwin but not the government. In America you can criticize the government but not Darwin."
  59. You think man evolved from monkeys but get mad when somebody calls you one.
  60. You think that if schools teach the Intelligent Design theory of creation,they should also teach the "stork theory" of where babies come from.
  61. You demand that Christians study advanced evolutionary biology before making claims about natural selection. You then claim that their theological ideas, which you have never examined before, are pure nonsense.
  62. On the other hand, you demand that Christians who have NOT studied evolutionary biology ought to go ahead and publicly commit to arguments about it, because you want to trap or embarrass them with your own knowledge of the subject, which is limited to quoting Gould and Futuyama.
  63. You claim that the 'God' mentioned by Albert Einstein and Steven Hawking is nature and that they were atheists, then claim that you have no religion, which is defined by the dictionary as "Belief in and reverence for a supernatural power or powers regarded as creator and governor of the universe."
  64. There are 100 billion galaxies in the universe. Each one contains around 250 million stars. Many of these stars have small bits of matter pointlessly circling them, that are commonly referred to as planets. Around one of the smaller of these stars spins a rather smaller than average, insignificant planet. On this unimportant speck, over hundreds of millions of years, which is an insignificantly short length of time when compared to the age of the universe, totally random chemical reactions brought about complex though meaningless organisms who eventually evolved through totally random mutations into bipedal life forms. These life forms engage in a behavior they call thinking, which involves the exchange of tiny bits of electrical and chemical energy being passed from one single cell to another. None of the tiny bits of energy even realize that the bipedal life form exists. And if they did, they wouldn't care. All of these reactions are simply the byproduct of previous events that were also the results of events before them, beginning initially as a random quantum event that happened so long ago that there is really no point at all in trying to conceive of it. If one of these fatuous beings on an inconsequential planet in a faceless galaxy in the meaningless universe, randomly happens to think there is a non existent deity, and you argue with him...............you might be a fundamentalist atheist.
  65. You point to Talk Origins in defense of biological evolution yet you say that "theistic evolution" is a joke when Talk Origins says otherwise.
  66. You say that you "worship" science.
  67. You cte "Talkorigins.org" as a reliable source.
  68. You think that there is overwhelming evidence for evolution, and that it is as much a fact as the "Theory of Gravity".
  69. You write an article like one on Talk Origins which is basically says "Creationists say....Creationists say....Creationists say.....and they're wrong."
  70. You say that Social Darwinism and Evolution are separate ideas, even though studies (like the short one in Lies My Teacher Told Me by James Loewen show otherwise.
  71. You constantly accuse Christians of being liars for saying Archaeopteryx is a fraud, yet you lie and say it's a transitional fossil.
  72. You say there is more evidence disproving God's existence, even though the evolutionary Oparin-Haldane Hypothesis (the one with the "primordial soup," look it up if you want) has no evidence.


    History
    You may be a fundy atheist if....
  73. Any scholar who believes in a historical Jesus must be a theist. If they are an atheist, then they must secretly want to be a theist.
  74. You insist that "Extraordinary claims require extraordinary evidence", then claim that Jesus never existed.
  75. You contend that no war in history has ever been created by non-belief. Yet, when you are told that 176 million people lost their lives in wars during the last century, created by non-believers like Stalin, Lenin, Mao and Hitler, to name only a few, you reply that those wars fought were fought in the name of ideology and not 'atheism' as atheists "…don't fly planes into buildings or start wars."
  76. You accept (and quote back to Christians) any number of works that say Jesus wasn't the Son of God and call them "honest", "thought-provoking" and 'scholarly" proof, even when they completely contradict each other and come to completely different conclusions.
  77. You think it's entirely possible for documents dated to the 10th century to have been forged in the 14th. (Used of Tacitus once.)
  78. You believe that when our forefathers are framing the Constitution, they're staunch deists, but when they're beating their slaves, they're Bible-believing Christians.
  79. You think that the Declaration of Independence is unconstitutional because it mentions "the creator".
  80. On, that basis, You think that the Declaration is therefore void and the United States should return to British rule.
  81. When it is returned to British rule, you plan to go straight to London and tell those Brits that having the Anglican church as a state church violates the constitutional separation of church and state.
  82. When you use a historical point to prove Christianity is false (i.e., pagan parallel to Christianity), history is objective truth. When a Christian uses real historical scholarship to prove you false, history was written by subjective men and therefore cannot be trusted.
  83. You reject what Cornelius Tacitus wrote about Jesus, dismissing it as "too late", but you readily accept what he wrote about Tiberius and Augustus.
  84. 100+ year old scholarship is good enough for you.
  85. You think Bolshevik Revolution leader Leon Trotsky was a far better person than Mother Theresa.
  86. You apparently think the first century AD was in the Stone Age, since you refer to Christianity as "Stone Age beliefs".
  87. When Christians tell you that The Bible is inerrant you go on and list a bunch of "contradictions"; when the Christian shows to you that those are not contradictions but the result of taking things out of context you list more "contradictions" when the Christian does the same with those you complain that he/she is just making stuff up and/or that the answer the Christian gives you are not "satisfactory" and proceed of course to list more "contradictions".
  88. You like to complain about the wars and killings found in the Bible and like to claim that this is some sort of proof to conclude that it is not The Word of God. When the Christian points out that the Bible is about reality and that it exposes humanity and all what comes with it, you complain that it is nonsense and that no good God would allow for that to happen. You would then just claim that it is too perfect and not true.
  89. You like to list contradictions to Christians like if you some how pretend that Christians are not aware of them or that they are igorant about their own religion.
  90. You evidently think that slaughtering 6,000,000 Jews is no different from using sugar in your porridge,since whenever someone points out that Hitler's actions show him to VERY UN-Christian,you exclaim "No true Scotsman uses sugar in his porridge!"
  91. You think historians Michael Grant and Robin Lane Fox are "religious nutcases" for believing Jesus existed.
  92. You refuse to use the word "excruciating" because of its origins in describing the agonies of crucifixion. (ex crucis - "from the cross")
  93. When a Christian tells you that in order to fully understand The Word of God you need to open up your heart and allow The Bible to speak to you and to read The Bible by placing confidence in God, you say that the Bible is just a book and that why you don't have to do the same with Harry Potter.
  94. You always refer to C.S. Lewis as "that traitor."
  95. You desperately wish that Stalin and Mao hadn't been atheists.
  96. You absolutely insist a Christian recognize your nonscholar as an expert (G. A. Wells) but refuse to recognize his legitimate scholar as expert (Colin Hemer).
  97. You not only spell "God" with a lower case "g," but you also add an "E" to "B.C.," and replace the word "Christ" with an "x." Yet, when asked to name the planets you have no problem with spouting out the appropriate list of Roman Gods. Heck, you'll even spell them with capital letters! Not only that, you can even spell and pronounce the name of the 800-mile-diameter Trans-Neptunian Object 'Quaoar', and are delighted that it comes from the creation mythology of the Tongva people (aka the San Gabrielino Native Americans).
  98. In addition, you say that terms like "AD", "BC" and "christmas" (as opposed to "winter holiday season" :D ) are medieval, outdated, bigoted poison and must be eliminated at all costs from the world, yet the fact that our months and days are largely named after Roman, viking etc. figures (eg. Janus - January, Thor - Thursday) is a glowing testimony to the diverse and wonderful nature of human history
  99. You think that religious wars have killed more people than any other kind of war, even though the largest wars of the last 200 years (World War I and II, Civil War, etc.) had no discernable religious causes.
  100. You think that the Spanish Inquisition killed millions (or at least hundreds of thousands), even though the population of all of Spain at the time of the Inquisition was only about five million, and the actual total killed numbers about 2000. When informed of this, you accuse the informer of belittling or being insensitive to the deaths of 2000 individuals.
  101. You bring up the alleged 'horrors' of the Spanish Inquisition to show how evil the church is. When shown that the SI was not the horror that it was painted to be, you switch gears and ask if the believer notes this because they think people are justified to feel moral revulsion with the Spanish Inquisition as it is commonly understood.
  102. In a coffee table conversation you hear religion represented in a positive light. You immediately start preaching about the Inquisition and the Crusades to put things back on track. After all, "we cannot allow a Divine Foot in the door".
  103. You believe that Christians burned down the Great Library of Alexandria. When you learn that this was impossible, you assert that it is obvious that Christians did burn a lot of ancient books. When you are shown that this too is false, you wait a while, then make the same claim again, hoping that the person who corrected you with the facts won't notice.
  104. You desperately confer with other skeptics to try and refute the evidence that Hitler's Holocaust was evolution-inspired, because, darn it, you just GOTTA prove that Hitler was a Christian.
  105. You're convinced, despite evidence to the contrary, that Christianity was responsible for the Jewish holocaust because, dang it, that just SEEMS like something Christians would do.
  106. You believe that Hitler claiming to be a Christian is undeniable proof that he was a Christian, while George Washington only claimed to be a Christian in order to win the people's favor.
  107. You adamantly refuse to recognise the historical fact that "scientific atheism" was both a foundational philosophical position and an actual policy of the Soviet Union from the time of Lenin on, responsible for untold persecution, torture, suffering, humiliation and death far in excess of the numbers of the "victims" of Christianity.
  108. On the other hand you further show your ignorance of history by constantly repeating "whoppers" about the numbers of victims of Christian Inquisitions, crusades and witchhunts dredged up from various unscholarly hate sites and passed off as historical fact.
  109. For example...you can claim with a poker face that 9 MILLION women were put to death as witches by Christian fanatics in pre-Enlightenment Europe.
  110. You assert that the 300 Protestants put to death under the reign of "Bloody Mary" in 16th century England stand as absolute proof of the inherent evil of Christianity but the tens upon tens of millions killed by Marxist regimes under Stalin, Mao and Pol Pot in the 20th century have absolutely NOTHING to do with the profound atheism inherent in these regimes.
  111. You really believe that the Enlightenment made people more enlightened.
  112. You think that Robert Green Ingersoll and Joseph McCabe are two of the greatest philosophers of religion ever to have lived - certainly far superior to nobodies like Thomas Aquinas or Blaise Pascal.
  113. Indeed you believe that McCabe is "One of the giants of not only English Atheism, but world Atheism". [which could be construed as a slight on the intellectual quality of atheism].
  114. You adhere to a false and fictionalised version of history gained from watching Hollywood movies such as Inherit the Wind so that you can (for example) conclude: "the controversy over creation and evolution was settled way back in 1925, when Clarence Darrow eviscerated William Jennings Bryan in a country courtroom in Dayton, Tennessee."
  115. You think that Pope Leo X may have really called Christ a fable, because it's "the type of thing he would say," but you deny that God could have said what the Bible attributes to Him because it is recorded by "anonymous" witnesses.
  116. You've never understood why merely uttering the phrase "Christian America" is not considered to be a declaration of treason against the "TRUE" United States of America.
  117. You think there's more evidence for the existence of Wonder Woman than for Jesus.
  118. You complain about desecrating the Koran while holding a burning Bible.
  119. You think religion is "the original war crime".
  120. You think the Ku Klux Klan and the Christian Identity movement are representative of "mainstream" Christianity.
  121. You think serial killer Dennis "BTK" Rader is a "model Christian" and Olympic Park/abortion clinic bomber Eric Rudolph is a "good Christian boy". Anyone who argues otherwise is committing the "no true Scotsman" fallacy.
  122. You believe that "if it weren't for the U.S. Constitution, Christian leaders would be burning women at the stake."
  123. You think that Bible translators whose names, and reasons for their word choices, are unknown to you, provide a much better argument for a specific reading of the text, while Bible commentaries by named authors, with in-depth arguments, are obviously trying to cover up the truth.
  124. You are outraged at the slaughters in the Bible ordered by God because of the need at the time (such as the Midianite children's tendency to avenge their parents after growing up), but then vigourously defend the bombing of Hiroshima on the grounds that the Japanese would fight to the death.
  125. You want the symbol of the cross to be removed from burial grounds in order to enforce "religious tolerance" all the while claiming that the symbol of the cross now used to symbolize Christianity was copied from earlier pagan religions.
  126. You continually argue that Hitler was a "real Christian" even when he and his fellow Nazis were slaughtering millions of people (and you "conveniently" ignore the very obvious distinction between someone claiming to be a Christian and someone actually living as a Christian, and the fact that the Nuremberg prosecutors denounced Nazism as fanatically ANTI-Christian!), but you deny that the scientists who rejected Galileo's work were real scientists.
  127. You insist that the historical data is too sparse to know anything about the ancient world, but you then proceed to tell us what 'actually happened' anyway.
  128. You use non-scholarly, ignorant sources like Losing Faith in Faith for your arguments, then complain that it is God's fault if he didn't make the Bible "clear" enough for you to understand it or not find problems in it without doing any homework in scholarly sources.
  129. You join a group claiming to be rational which claims that Jesus never existed. You may be a fundy atheist if you believe that...
  130. You say things that supposedly happened about twenty billion years ago are a fact of science, while something that happened two thousand years ago is an ancient religious myth.


    Christians
    You may be a fundy atheist if....
  131. You think if a Christian won't address your arguments, they are too frightened to do so, or know they can't answer them; but if they do address your arguments, you think it is because they are "threatened" by them.
  132. You say that if a Christian reads their Bible a lot, they are brainwashing themselves. But if they don't read it much, you accuse them of being ignorant.
  133. Missionaries who give up their personal comfort to aid starving, impoverished and persecuted third-world people are actually "corrupting ancient tribal cultures with western religious dogma", while you sit at home and complain about the price of KFC.
  134. You believe that any Christian who claims to have once been an atheist is either lying or was never a "true atheist."
  135. You think that John Shelby Spong is a reputable theologian but that Ben Witherington is merely an ignorant biblicist.
  136. You assert that the crimes and failings of some Christians (acting inconsistently with the teachings of Christ at that!) disproves the whole edifice of Christianity but that the crimes and failings of some atheists (acting consistently with the fact that atheism can provide no basis for objective morality!) should on no account be held against the philosophy of atheism.
  137. You assert that there is no absolute categories of good and evil, that all morals are merely personal, social and evolutionary constructs but then you can still describe Christians and Christianity as absolutely immoral, repugnant and evil and a danger to humanity and not feel even a twinge of hypocrisy at the monumental illogic of your position.
  138. You think that Josh McDowell represents the apex of Christian scholarly apologetical thinking.
  139. You lump all Christians in with whatever religious fruitcake is the flavour of the month, while living with the delusion that there are no atheistic weirdos out there.
  140. You KNOW that religion causes violence and repeatedly tell this to everyone, hoping to save the world, but you don't believe that TV violence causes any real life violence. In fact, you are offended by this objection, and you have already started to figure out how to refute it. To increase your fundy factor, you have decided not to study social sciences. (Once you heard about Rodney Stark's For the Glory of God - you certainly would not bother reading it - you thought that sociologists were Christian fundamentalists in stealth mode, trying to push religious worldviews.
  141. You think that taking the Bible seriously is the obsession of a fanatical fringe group of right-wing, extremist Christians who do not represent the views of the historic Church or of contemporary enlightened, liberal, skeptical "Christians" who according to you supposedly "fill" the mainstream churches and who on close inspection pretty much reflect your own politically correct views and values - and skepticism - about God. [Sort of like former Bishop Spong].
  142. You claim that the theories and opinions of certain liberal scholars are absolute facts although you shy away from debating such issues with someone equally or better informed than you are.
  143. You get angry when Christians tell you you're going to a place that you don't think exists.
  144. You're convinced that people only believe in God because they're afraid of going to hell...despite the fact that if there is no God, then there's probably no hell either.
  145. You consistently decry Christians for soliciting financial support yet find no problem in atheistic 'missionaries' doing the same thing."
  146. You think that 'mission statements' on Christian websites proves the authors are biased which automatically renders the material on those sites weak and unscholarly yet you see no problem with 'mission statements' glorifying naturalism found on atheistic websites.
  147. When a group of Sydney University (Australia) academics, including a historian, sign a public statement saying the Jesus Christ is "one of the great figures of history" and that his claims to be Son of God "bear up under closest scrutiny", this is a gross abuse of their position. But when Richard Dawkins uses his position as an Oxford professor to pontificate on his atheistic religion and related philosophical matters outside HIS field (animal behavior), that is a responsible use of academic freedom.
  148. Further to the above, you're paranoid that these Christian academics will discriminate against you, even though their statement hasn't the remotest hint of that. But you applaud Michael Dini, a professor at Texas Tech, who refuses to recommend students for Medical School, even if they got "A"s in their courses, unless they not only understand but BELIEVE in goo-to-you evolution. And you're disgusted that creationist medical doctors have the gall to think they know more about medicine than Dini (who never practised medicine or even went to medical school), because by definition an evolutionist is more knowledgeable than a creationist on ANY subject!
  149. You think Christians are narrow-minded for believing in only one religion, but atheists are open-minded for believing in absolutely none.
  150. You believe that Christianity discriminates, because you have to join their religion in order to be a member of their religion.
  151. You feel that Christians who go into atheist chat rooms are "shoving their beliefs down people's throats", and that atheists who go into Christian chat rooms are only trying to educate.
  152. You think it is a "slam dunk" proof against God when you ask why He doesn't stop horrible things like, i.e., child rape, but evade the reply that you obviously don't want God stopping your own sins by pointing out that it isn't your problem because you don't believe in God in the first place.
  153. You are disgusted with Doctor Paul Vitz's book "Faith of the Fatherless: The Psychology of Atheism" because an educated person with a degree has linked atheism as a psychological condition. Yet, you have no remorse when you tell believers that they are a product of brainwashing, psycho conditioning and wishful thinking.
  154. You believe Freud's theory that all religious experiences are delusions, as the most revolutionary and truthful thought of all times. Yet, you overlook his heavy use of cocaine because "it can't be proven."
  155. You recommend Michael Shermer's book "How We Believe" to all of your friends who are believers and believe that somehow his opinion will give insight into how we actually think. Yet of course, you ignore that Shermer doesn't have any education in Anthropology. Must be a coincidence.
  156. You're stupid enough to think atheists are treated like second-class citizens. Yet of course, you spend most of your day belittling Christians and other religious people.
  157. You're convinced that all Christians are idiots. But when you meet the "rare" Christian who's clearly intelligent, you can only conclude that he was fooled into believing...by the idiots.
  158. You think that the words "Christian" and "sane" are mutually exclusive.
  159. You think that no Christian can ever be a patriotic American, because he will always side with the enemies of truth.
  160. You're proud of being completely free of predjudice, unlike the "typical sociopathic Christian".
  161. You address Christians as "liar","sheepherder", or "looney toon".
  162. You refer to Christian leaders as "fuehrer".
  163. You think Focus On The Family is a "white supremacist hate cult".
  164. You think Satanists are Christians because they "worship a Christian god".
  165. You can quote the latter part of Psalm 14:1 as proof that the Bible claims there is no God. If a Christian tries to point out the context (ie. "The fool says in his heart 'there is no God'") you claim they were already predisposed toward the existance of God and can therefore be safely ignored.
  166. You don't like Christians because they are stuffy and judgemental and you don't like judgemental people. You also don't see the irony in this.


    Contemporary events
    You may be a fundy atheist if....
  167. You demand that theists explain news items where bad things have happened to theists, even though no theists on the board have claimed that belief in God is some kind of a lucky charm that wards off bad luck.
  168. You demand that theists explain news items where theists do bad things, even though no theists on the board have claimed that it is impossible for theists to do bad things.
  169. The only Commandments you know are the ones that are unconstitutional.
  170. You can't remember if she was Mother or Sister Teresa, but you can name every pedophile priest listed in the media over the last seven years.
  171. You feel that Marilyn Manson is really, really profound.
  172. You think the song "Dear God" by XTC is really, really, really................really meaningful.
  173. You are funding or filming a movie called "Heart of the Beholder" a Secular Humanist movie telling a true story of a video store renting out the movie "The Last Temptation of Christ." The fundamentalist Christian community is in protest of this store renting this movie out. Of course, you also create the image that all Christians were not only opposed to this movie but the fact that with less then 10% of your nation who actually believes in secular philosophy, this movie is actually going to make money. The filmmakers might be suffering from the same kind of false hope they think believers are.
  174. You believe that emotional response interferes with rational thinking. Yet, you think George Carlin is the greatest comedian of all times, because he makes you laugh.
  175. You also consider George Carlin to be one of the world's most profound thinkers on the matter of religion.
  176. You're saving up to move to some more enlightened place, like Sweden.
  177. You feel that the separation of church and state is a much more important issue than abortion, euthanasia, or infanticide.
  178. You label any change whatsoever in Christian theology or behavior as 'secularization.'
  179. You were too sophisticated to be afraid of (very real) "Reds under the bed" but you nevertheless see Christians behind every act of "evil" in the western world.
  180. You deface money by scribbling God off of dollar bills.
  181. You think God was cruel for killing all of those innocent babies in the flood, and that Christians are cruel for opposing a woman's right to abort her baby.
  182. You think that Reverend Fred Phelps does what he does because of his Christianity, but Reverend Fred Rogers did what he did in spite of his Christianity.
  183. You think the USA is a theocracy.
  184. Public acknowledgments of God remind you of 9/11.
  185. You can't see any difference between publicly acknowledging God(where atheists can hear),and making African-Americans use separate restrooms,or sit at the back of buses.
  186. You spell America "AermiKKKa" and Christian "KKKristian".
  187. You quite rightly denounce the methods of those who deny the historicity of the Holocaust, then use the same methods(inventing excuses to ignore evidence)to deny the historicity of Jesus.
  188. You think it violates the separation of church and state for a city to have a name like Corpus Christi("Body of Christ"), Los Angeles("The Angels"),Las Cruces("The Cross"),Sacrament-o, or anything with San(saint),Santa(holy),or Saint in it.
  189. You believe that nativity scenes should be banned from public view, but that anyone objecting to pornography only has to look the other way.
  190. You object to any mention of "God" and "Jesus" in the media and education systems — except as swear words.
  191. You go to a church wedding or funeral, but only to pray ostentatiously to "the woman upstairs".
  192. You have not seen "The Passion of the Christ," and you don’t know anyone who has seen it.
  193. You think marriage is an obsolete fundy institution — except for homosexuals.
  194. You believe that gender roles are the product of Christian patriarchy, but homosexuals are born that way.
  195. You oppose studying telling schoolkids that the Pilgrim Fathers came to America to practise Christianity free of persecution, that the Declaration of Independence mentions a Creator, and that the first public schools used a Bible as a textbook. But you support using "Heather Has Two Mommies" as wholesome literature.
  196. You support gay rights when they first pushed for ‘rights’, because ‘what consenting adults do in the privacy of their own bedroom is no one else’s business’. But then you want public approval and want to ban disapproval even in private situations.
  197. You think that protestors outside nuclear power plants are dedicated activists, but protestors outside abortion clinics are dangerous zealots interfering with a legal activity.
  198. You think that it's wrong to execute a convicted serial killer, but abortion on demand is a constitutional right.
  199. You uphold a woman’s right to choose, unless a woman chooses adoption, chooses to be a stay-at-home mom, chooses to homeschool, or chooses to start a business.
  200. You start a lawsuit to expunge Christian books from the school libraries in your state because it violates "separation of church and state" that you insist is in the Constitution. Simultaneously you start a lawsuit to defend the right to have books in the same school libraries advocating the religion of Wicca.
  201. You object to using mice for scientific experimentation but don't mind when babies are killed for stem cell research.
  202. When someone refers to an unborn baby as a baby, you say, "Don't you mean fetus?"
  203. You are infuriated that a school in Pennsylvania would issue a statement to its students about intelligent design and direct them to the library for more information, citing the separation of church and state, but you have no problem with a school in California having kids "act out" one of the five Muslim pillars of faith.


    Bible criticism
    You may be a fundy atheist if....
  204. You become upset when a Christian says that not everything in the Bible should be taken literally.
  205. You dislike how liberal theists try to interpret the Bible for themselves, while you create your own interpretations of the Bible for yourself: (a) Exodus 34 contains a new set of 10 Commandments; (b) Jesus asked His disciples to slay all His enemies.
  206. You have actually calculated, for purposes of "argument by outrage," an estimate of the number of people drowned in The Flood.
  207. You can quote from the bible better than most missionaries...at least the parts where someone dies.
  208. You label all scholars that actually believe the Bible as "biased fundies" while those who don't believe it are known as "honest" and "accepted scholarship."
  209. You insist that the Bible cannot possibly say anything about homosexuality being a sin, because they did not even have a concept of homosexuality at the time the Bible was written...then insist that the Bible says that David and Jonathan were married.
  210. ......AND you produce a long list of verses containing the words "children", "touching", and "bowels".
  211. You think you have refuted the whole Trilemma because you've added another alternative to it.
  212. You dismiss any attempt to harmonize the resurrection accounts by saying "one says A, the other says B, but none say A+B", then go on to offer your own elaborate conspiracy theory of what happened to the Jesus' body, describing A+B+C+D, none of which are said ANYWHERE let alone together.
  213. You think that Isaac Asimov was a world-class authority in Biblical Studies.
  214. You make a point of referring to Jesus as "Yeshua" and to God as "Yahveh" in order to hint that they are no different from Molech or Baal.
  215. You use one,or more,of the following alternate spellings: GOD-"gawd" JESUS-"jeeezus" "jayzus" "jebus" "jeebers" BIBLE-"bibble" "babble" "wholly babble" "buy-bull"
  216. You refer to the crucifixion of Jesus as the "cruci-fiction".
  217. When a Christian's interpretation of a passage (based on the social/literary context) solves one of your favorite contradictions, it is only their personal interpretation, and can be dismissed as such. But your interpretation (based on a "plain" reading of the text) to arrive at the contradiction in the first place is entirely objective, and is obviously THE correct interpretation.
  218. Your only knowledge of The Bible comes from searching 'bible contradictions' in Google.
  219. Everytime you don't understand a passage in The Bible, instead of trying to figure it out you blame God for not writing it better.
  220. You think that God would have made things a lot clearer for everyone, ranging from the medieval knight to the Chinese peasant, had He inspired His Word in modern English in words and concepts you could understand. You also ask, when told of the scarceness of paper in the ancient world, why God didn't provide enough paper to write a longer story.
  221. You adamantly believe that "the Bible says pi equals 3" in 1 Kings 7:23 even though: (1) the verse does not make the slightest reference to the calculation of pi, (2) there are more measurements of the bowl from that verse in subsequent verses, (3) the bowl in question could very likely not have been a "perfect" circle with "perfect" measurements, (4) it's not unusual for ancient peoples using ancient tools (or even modern peoples using modern tools) to use round, easy to remember numbers, (5) asking an online math forum results in a refutation of your belief but you ignore what professional mathematicians plainly say (including that the Bible is not in error in this place) and twist their words to make it appear as if they are backing your assertion in order to continue to justify your belief (not that you ever had any intention of doing otherwise in the first place).
  222. You consistently appear on discussion lists demanding that Christians accept your literal interpretation of various scriptural passages just so you can then launch into the usual "argument by outrage" - despite being told over and over that no Bible scholar or school of Christianity shares your particular bizarre literal interpretation.
  223. You pontificate about the Bible as if you are an expert in theology, textual criticism, ancient languages & cultures and much more besides, when your knowledge of the Bible is just cut and paste from atheist discussion lists which cut and paste it from atheist websites which cut and paste it from embarrassingly unscholarly rantings by the likes of Messer's Freke & Gandy and Acharya S, etc.
  224. You can quote Acharya S, Kersey Graves, John Remsburg, and Earl Doherty more fluently than Laurence Olivier could quote Shakespeare.
  225. You create a web site: http://www.EvilBible.com,and post an Evil Bible Quote of the Day on usenet. The quotes always end with: "What kind of person would get their moral guidance from an ancient book of myths and magic that says it is OK to murder, rape, pillage, and plunder?"
  226. You decry Christian missionaries for denying cultural relativism; denouncing their efforts to reform cannibalism, slavery and fear of animist spirits as judgmental intolerance. But your attacks on the Bible merely comprise anguished cries of "how barbaric" rather than reasoned arguments; and ignore all considerations of ritual cleanness, the evils of the Canaanites and the fact that ancient society was always one step from anarchy.
  227. You think Secular Humanism actually promotes religious tolerance. Secular Humanism only tolerates religion; it doesn't accept it.
  228. You claim to hold no Dogma. Yet, you're just as rigid and stubborn with your beliefs as any Dogmatists.
  229. Archaeology continually frustrates your attempts to find errors and contradictions in the Bible, but you continually use the same outdated accusations anyway since you're running out of material.
  230. The only reason you go to hear a concert pianist play Beethoven's Moonlight Sonata is to complain to him afterwards about the name. Obviously it was chosen as part of a conspiracy to hide the fact that the Bible's mentions of the moon giving light were errors rather than phenomenological language.
  231. You visit a planetarium, but afterwards complain bitterly to the director that it uses the Earth as a convenient reference frame, and portrays the Earth as the center of a celestial sphere with the heavenly bodies revolving around it. This, and his use of the words "sunset" and "sunrise", is another part of the conspiracy to legitimize the Bible's use of such language.
  232. When you go to bookstores, you move all the Bibles to the "fiction" section.
  233. You then proceed to move copies of The DaVinci Code to the "non-fiction" shelves.
  234. You insist on capitalizing "atheist".
  235. You take the lack of evidence for the Jesus story being a hoax as evidence that Christians got rid of all the evidence.
  236. You claim that there is no way a book thousands of years old can be relevant today, but refuse to do the necessary homework to see how it could apply in modern situations, preferring instead to argue that God should have provided an updated version.
  237. You respond to arguments about the different points of view in the society of the ancient world by calling ancient people and their way of thinking "stupid".
  238. You once heard something about some document in the Catholic Church which says the resurrection never happened. And despite your never having seen it or even met anyone who claims to have seen it (and despite having no idea who wrote it, when they wrote it, or what exactly it says), you're convinced that this document is far more reliable than the Gospels and thus disproves Christianity, and that the church is hiding it so that they can keep the money rolling in.
  239. You believe that priests are only in it for the money, despite the fact that they make less than almost anyone else with their level of education.
  240. You can't understand why people can't see the logic in your question,"The Lord of the Rings is a book. The Bible is a book. What makes one fiction,and the other true?"
  241. And if they say they don't see the logic in that question, they MUST be lying!
  242. You think that "Lord of the Rings" and "Harry Potter" are more believable than the Bible.
  243. You complain that "Christian Apologists warp the definitions of words to make the Bible say what they want it to say." And then you go on to say that in the Bible, "feet" means "genitals" and "thigh" means "fetus".


    General atheism vs. theism
    You may be a fundy atheist if....
  244. You find you have a grudging respect for fundy theists for 'sticking to their guns' even while complaining they don't think for themselves.
  245. 'Thinking for yourself' means adopting an atheist viewpoint.
  246. When you say "I don't know" you are being brave and honest. When a theist says "I don't know" they are being dishonest and are trying to dodge the question.
  247. When your thoughts on any complex matter are sensible and clear, and a theist's thoughts on any complex matter are mental gymnastics.
  248. You leave 'freethought' tracts lying around, like the littering missionaries.
  249. If someone says 'God Bless' when you sneeze, you make them 'take it back!'
  250. Although you are a 'free-thinker' and 'rational' person, you lose all reason when reading The Bible.
  251. It is OK for atheists to express their godless opinions but the moment Christians do the same you email the ACLU.
  252. You think religious tolerance does not applies to Christians.
  253. You debate (argue, vilify, etc.) as if every theist was a Jack Chick fan, and as if every Biblical inerrantist was a Ruckmanite who believes that the KJV was specially inspired.
  254. You think that Christianity is a 'virulent memeplex' and that atheism is the 'cure.'
  255. You're infuriated by the term "village atheist." You prefer "right-thinking urban humanist."
  256. You can gladly believe any number of conflicting philosophical positions, as long as they're atheistic!
  257. You start a local Atheists and Agnostics Society, the goal of which is to prove through good deeds that atheists and agnostics can be just as generous and caring as some Christians are. When nobody joins, and the club eventually unfolds, you are flustered. You have no idea why a group of people who by definition do not base their morality on anything greater than their own ideas wouldn't jump at the chance to be self-sacrificing for no logical reason.
  258. You get a big kick out of either spamming online Christian forums with offensive material or posing as a grossly over-the-top parody of a Christian on such websites.
  259. You quote The God Delusion like Christians quote the Bible.
  260. You criticize a Christian apologist for using a pseudonym, and register the domain name you use to do it under the name, "Gorgon Pruntky".
  261. You refuse to give your children any name that appears in The Bible.
  262. You don't realize that Landover Baptist Church's website is a parody.
  263. Even when you do realize it is a parody, you think that it's implied arguments are suitable for use as a reply rather than Biblical scholarship.
  264. You call God "she" in the presence of Christians simply out of sheer spite.
  265. You create an Atheist Missionary organization and then call it a thinktank, in a small town in Virginia. Then you heap scorn on Christians for "proselytizing" (Just think about if for a minute, hypocrites!).
  266. You are part of a non-belief organization such as American Atheists, Church of Freethought, Humanist Association of Canada, Student Freethought Alliance and/or the Council of Secular Humanism. You claim these organizations have absolutely no creeds and that the people involved independently think of different things from one another. Yet of course, on your organization's website they define the commonalities that all non-believers follow. Is that not the definition of creed?
  267. You think that spamming Christian chatgroups and discussion lists with expletives and insults demonstrates superior free-thinking, rational, atheistic logic.
  268. You think that it is possible to talk meaningfully about "good and evil" "right and wrong" when decrying the sins of the Church while simultaneously subscribing to the notion that neither sin nor good and evil exist as ultimate categories but only as personal and social constructs.
  269. You have never pondered the question: why does a smart guy like Richard Dawkins regularly give atheists a bad name by putting his foot in his mouth with his inane and ridiculous pronouncements about God and religion?
  270. You have never pondered the question: why did a really smart guy like Bertrand Russell write such a pathetically limp, uninformed and adolescent critique of Christianity in "Why I Am Not A Christian"?
  271. You assert that "faith is believing things which you know aren't true".
  272. You really "believe" that many human beings actually believe things they know aren't true.
  273. You believe the movie Dogma gives the most accurate portrayal of Christian theology.
  274. You feel that prefacing your responses to Christians with the word bull$#@! somehow makes your argument a little more valid.
  275. You take a self-righteous pedantic "stand on principle" against Christian apologists writing under pseudonyms, but always refer to the "Endarkenment" French infidel writer François Marie Arouet by HIS pseudonym "Voltaire".
  276. You find the term 'fundy atheist' meaningless, baffling, illogical and just plain oxymoronic/self-contradictory even though the two terms are not exclusive of each other (except in the minds of fundy atheists, of course).
  277. You've ever called a Christian a "Paulian".
  278. You deny that someone can possibly know they know the truth ('It's just belief, not knowledge,") while at the same time claiming to know the truth.
  279. You write books like Warren Allen Smith's "Who's Who In Hell: A Handbook and International Directory for Humanists, Freethinkers, Naturalists, Rationalists and Non-Theists." You label 10,000 of these famous non-believers, as good, peaceful people who will be rotting in hell because they are or were infidels. While of course you also fail to realize that for every 10,000 of the world's peaceful non-believers, anyone can come up with a book that lists 10,000 peaceful, loving and famous historical believers. Of course, you also fail to realize that you've wasted your time researching 10,000 historical and modern names just because you want people to think 'peaceful' people will be rotting in an afterlife that you don't believe exists.
  280. You think that logical fallacies are only fallacies when theists use them.
  281. You think when atheist,left-wing journalist Christopher Hitchens slammed Mother Theresa,calling her a "ghoul",he's a genius, but when he slams Michael Moore's propagandizing pile of poo, "Fahrenheit 9/11",he's just a drunk.
  282. You hate Christianity because "...it destroys everything that makes us human",and think Christians "have lost whatever vestiges of humanity they had left".
  283. Your favorite words are "ad hominem",even if you can't spell them.
  284. You just can't see any difference between Pat Robertson Jerry Falwell, James Dobson, etc, and Osama bin Laden.
  285. You don't eat at Church's Chicken, and it's NOT because the chicken's too greasy.
  286. You go to work on Christmas and instead take Halloween off.
  287. You go to an Atheism versus Christianity debate in which you must vote for whoever you think wins. The Christian side is represented by a highly prestigious historian and theologian, and the atheist side is represented by a dog that's able to bark the theme song to "I Dream of Jeannie" off key. You vote for the dog.
  288. Every December 25th you celebrate the day stupidity was born.
  289. You think eating bread and drinking wine is cannibalism.
  290. You try to prove that the bible contradicts itself by producing out of context quotes like "God...is...a...liar...." (Genesis 1:3 - 1 John 3:4)
  291. You say you don't believe in objective morals, but....come on, admit it, you think God did some screwed up things, don't you?
  292. You consider "Ha, ha, ha" a substantive rebuttal to an argument.
  293. You say things like, "I can't tolerate religion because religion is intolerant. And no type of intolerance should be tolerated."
  294. When you realize you just contradicted yourself you bring up the Inquisition or pedophilian priests, hoping that someone won't point out that you just changed the subject. In the midst of the ruckus you cause you sneak away. Two weeks later you come back and make the same argument.
  295. You think the fact that God can't make purple burps or squared circles keeps Christians up at night.
  296. You can't believe in a book that was created over two thousand years ago because "we're not sure WHAT happened", but you know for a fact that religion was created tens of thousands of years ago specifically to control the brainwashed public.
  297. You think the fact that Pauly Shore was allowed to make movies in the early nineties is undeniable proof that there is no God....well actually I'm almost inclined to agree with you on that one.
  298. You feel guilty whenever you use the word faith and have decided to remove it from your vocabulary.
  299. You have fallen for the post-9/11 religious paranoia and think that all Christians are "potential" kamikazes.
  300. You have turned into a Jew and say "G-d" for the sole reason of not saying "God".
  301. You complain to Christians that "all your music sucks." When asked what kind of music you listen to you give a list of bands including POD. When someone poins out that POD is a Christian band you say "They can't be, I hear them on the radio."
  302. Once someone finds quotes and/or lyrics proving they are, in fact, a Christian band, you immediately respond, "Well, I don't really care what they believe, I just like their music."
  303. You believe any person who writes a book critical of Christianity is doing it for "education" purposes. Conversely, you believe that any person who writes a book defending Christianity is "just in it to make money."
  304. You go around amazon.com posting 1000 word prefab rebuttals to religious books you've never actually read.
  305. You call all Christians Nazis.
  306. You say a Christian is lying about their age, sex, location, and job after they destroy your arguments.
  307. Your best argument against Christianity is the fact YOU don't believe in it.
  308. Most of what you've learned about God comes from the Computer game 'Black and White'.
  309. You compare the Bible to 'Cat in the Hat'.
  310. You think Deicide is the best death metal band.
  311. And, for that matter, you actually think metal bands have deep insight into religion in the first place.
  312. You think Anton LaVey was a brilliant philosopher.
  313. You think the Satanic Bible is of more value than the Judeo-Christian Bible.
  314. You atempt to make an objective list at amazon.com entitled "Did Jesus Exist?", and cite "The Da Vinci Code" as a work that argues for the historicity of Jesus.
  315. You think the media is the undermining effect for the spread of Christianity, yet ignore the fact that the media is the cause for you recognizing how to hate Christianity in the first place.
  316. You believe that Christians "worship" the teachings of their minister, yet have no problem with "worshipping" the person who taught you that in the first place.
  317. You think an old man who hands you a Bible in the parking lot at the grocery store is a "crazy old lunatic." Yet when an old man stands there and tells you about how he saw a fish with arms in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean, you think nothing of it.
  318. As an atheist, you reduce everything down to physical matter, and tell others how absurd they are for thinking anything immaterial exists. But you also think that the "Big Bang" came out of nowhere.
  319. You refer to Christians in the neuter gender ("it").
  320. You think large female breasts are a good argument against the existence of God.
  321. You think the fact that something isn't flying out of your butt means it doesn't exist.
  322. You think Christians are the "new Nazis" and atheists are the "new Jews",and think yourself the "probable victim of a future holocaust".
  323. You think The Jesus Camp is indoctrination, but feel that the new atheist camps are liberating for free thinking.
  324. You get real excited over being labelled a 'deophobe'. Especially right after calling all Christians 'homophobes' because they don't support tax increases for 'gay studies' in state colleges.
  325. You get mad when Christians stereotype you, and then proceed to treat them along the lines of your stereotype of them.
  326. You think it's bad that God committed genocide, murder, etc., but get mad when Christians tell you something you're doing is wrong because the Bible says "Do not judge."
  327. You boast that you are strong, have no regrets, that you are better because of the trials in your life, but when God is mentioned, those same trials are all of the sudden a testament to his cruelty.
  328. You think its a worthwhile exercise to go onto Amazon.com and post sarcastic, sneering and uninformed "reviews" of religious books you've never read and don't intend to read.
  329. You criticize Christians for not accepting the reasons for your deconversion to atheism yet you consider yourself "a former fundamentalist."
  330. You say that religion is ruining your life and the society you live in and you spend every day of your life obsessing on ways to rid the world of it.
  331. You complain about religion infringing on the first amendment of seperation of church and state yet you say that religion is dangerous and should be forbidden.
  332. You say that having faith in something is "evil" yet you do not believe in absolute wrong or rights but despise the words "moral relativity" when attributed to atheism.
  333. You are all for abortion and say that it is a woman's right to abort, but you are against the mother' s right to educate the child in accord with her beliefs. The mother has a right to kill the baby in her womb, but she has no right to educate the baby once it is born.
  334. You complain about prayer in public schools because you do not want your taxes be spent on that, but you push for teaching small children about homosexuality despite how contrary to the beliefs of the people such a thing is and in spite of them not wanting their taxes being spent on that.
  335. You pride yourself of having a scientific approach and of following the evidence wherever it leads. But when the evidence for the big bang points to a beginning of the universe and when reason and evidence clearly refute the idea of an eternal universe, you resort to all sort of speculations about wormholes and multiverses taken straight out of Star Trek movies and without any evidential support.
  336. You claim that Judeo-Christianity borrowed from other religions, despite clear instances in the Bible of God not only not liking it when the Israelites did it, but punishing them severely for doing so.
  337. You want to make widely known that the Founding Fathers were "deists" and "freethinkers", yet you applaud and praise "Letter To A Christian Nation" by Sam Harris.
  338. You are "passionate" about your beliefs, when they strictly have a message pertaining to the material world and nothingness.
  339. You believe that because someone is an atheist, they are more educated and more open minded than a religious person.
  340. You ask of scientific evidence for the existence of an ufathomable uncomprehensible non-material deity, and say that historical evidence for God is a "poor medium."
  341. You think Richard Dawkins' analogies of God and theism are sound and the examples of the "Flying Spaghetti Monster" and Zeus make an excellent argument against the existence of God.
  342. You think that you possess a fantastic sense of humor and intelligence when you go on ranting about the irrationality of Christians while tossing swear words in.
  343. You run an atheist message board just for the purpose of insulting any theist or Christian that may decide to post there.
  344. You think that by criticizing a God belief (i.e. theism) that you are aiding in the destruction of religion and leading an optimistic future for atheism.
  345. You think that within the near future ALL individuals will come to be atheists and that the word itself will disappear.
  346. You say that all morals are relative, yet fail to see that that is an "absolute" statement about morals.
  347. When told that the idea of the universe always existing is silly, you respond with, "you believe that God always existed, so why not the universe?"
  348. You think that your college professor or high school teacher is the only god you need.
  349. You think that the ACLU is a fair and moral organization.
  350. You jump all over a Christian's argument trying to point out logical fallacies, but when you see a fellow atheist make one, you say nothing, and instead try to defend him/her.

    You complain about how evil religion is by indoctrinating kids with the concept of Satan, demons and hell with "the whipping and gnashing of teeth" yet you point to a book titled "Illustrated Books From the Bible (that they won't tell you in Sunday School)" by Paul Ferrell.

  351. You perceive that religious people and theologians sincerely believe in an "invisible man" who is literally sitting on a cloud high up in the sky.
  352. You willingly partake in the "Blasphemy Challenge" and you believe that dressing up like Satan in gothic clothes and listening to heavy metal will hopefully upset your Catholic neighbors next door.
  353. You go out of your way to advertise yourself in allegiance with Satan (a mythical being) and making a short video clip with you saying "I deny the Holy Spirit" when God is clearly a myth and does not exist.
  354. You say that all humans are "naturally born atheists" yet you contend that all religious doctrine and modern-day perceived morality comes from a common psychological product of modification by millions of years.
  355. You say that religious morals are "common sense" yet you fail to see that most people have a tedency to not follow them very well.
  356. You are passionate about the progressions of scientific inquiry and the advancement of mankind when you fail to realize that our ultimate fate is a hopeless extinction of our species by some catastrophic universal event and that even by the wonderous methods of science we cannot help what will eventually doom us all.
  357. You think that by contributing work to mankind, you are working for a greater good, only to realize that by the end of your life, your existence will be null and all of mankind's progress into the envelope of the universe will be lost in an endless, infinite, hopeless darkness.
  358. You say that Morality is relative and that there are no absolutes; however you fail to see your own inherent hypocrisy when you have no problem saying that Christianity is absolutely wrong regardless of what anyone thinks, and that there absolutely is no God.
  359. You believe that it can be "proven" that Jesus never existed whilst claiming that the historical method is unreliable.
  360. You believe that Paul existed but Jesus and his disciples did not.
  361. You think that Paul invented Christianity for some political gain and personal greed without given any explanations for why.
  362. You say that the Bible is "100% fiction" just because it speaks of supernatural events without realizing the major flaw in your reasoning.
  363. You think that almost every genre of thinking MUST envoke scientific argumentation.
  364. You say there is a lack of scientific evidence for God's existence when you fail to explain what "scientific evidence" could possibly constitute the existence of a sentient non-material omnipresent being.
  365. You praise the "beauty" of evolution but when God is put into the scene you object to God being malovelent and cruel to his creation.
  366. You acknowledge the Big Bang and say wonder in awe that the universe had a "finite beginning", yet you never get to explaining how this is evidence of an eternal universe.
  367. You believe that by making more scientific discoveries the chances of God existing are becoming more and more slim, when you fail to acknowledge that the further science advances, the more complex and complicated our understanding of the universe becomes.
  368. You use the "probability" argument in arguing God's existence is very unlikely due to the occurancy of miracles when I could say the same thing about the chances of getting shocked by lightning more than you would get attacked by shark, but that doesn't make the case that shark attacks never happen.
  369. You plea that Darwin's racist views were due to the culture of that time, but when someone says the same about Moses and the Israelittes, you immediately object to their standards as immoral and primitive.
  370. You say atheists who became Christians are not real/legit atheists for you because they haven't published any book about atheism.
  371. You get frustrated if Christians get SKEPTICAL on atheism.
  372. Ridicule and sarcasm are your best weapons in an informal debate. However when Christians do those things you will say "How Christian like of you!"
  373. You feel superior over Christians because you’re an atheist.
  374. You assert that religion is childish yet you suggest instead that we resort to atheism as we are all atheists during our childhood years.
  375. You believe that Christians intend on censoring atheists through medieval torture.
  376. You go around praising the successes of Galileo and Isaac Newton proclaiming them as "the champions of reasoning and logic" and "the enemies of religion" while completely ignoring that Newton and Galileo where religious despite their persecutions and scientific discoveries.
  377. You say Einstein only used "God" in the poetic sense to suggest he was some sort of atheist when Einstein specifically spoke out against atheists and their quoting of him to support the atheist worldview.
  378. You claim that no one can be a true atheist and convert to religion, whilst still suggesting that atheism is the default position by birth.
  379. You point to a congregation consisting of less than 100 inbred family relatives residing in the infamous Topeka, Kansas area, using them as examples of contemporary religion compared to the millions of other Christians in the entire nation.
  380. You repeadetly state that Catholic priests are child-molesting pedophiles.
  381. You have a convient "copy and paste" popular skeptic phrase on a Word document because you can't come up with any real arguments.
  382. You'd rather point to a book all day long then defend your position with actual argumentation.
  383. You've become an atheist by listening to Rational Response Squad sermons.
  384. You think Rook Hawkins is a real Bible scholar.
  385. You say that Christians uncritically swallow and parrot whatever their pastors tell them, then turn around and wonder why no two Christians can agree on anything.
  386. You argue that morality is relative but you condemn anyone who believes that goodness is from God by making these types of comments: "You aren't saying you do good things only because of your belief in God are you?"
  387. You argue that religious people engage in comforting unified group settings interacting with other members whom share common similairites with each other yet you never explain why this in fact negative, abnormal to mostly everything else, or why this disproves religion to begin with.
  388. You argue the obvious fact that most Muslims, Hindus, and Christians believe in their religions because they would brought up with them, yet you never explain how this proves religion to be nothing more than false ideologies.
  389. You believe "there is no such thing as an atheist terrorist" because they don't believe in killing others and or themselves in the name of a deity or supernatural power.
  390. You think it's stupid to assume all people are evil if they don't believe, but you have no problem with mocking or ignoring someone because they believe.
  391. You insist that Hitler was 100% evil because he killed so many Jews. And because he claimed to believe in a GOD you want to kill/hurt all people that believe. Just like Hitler wanting to kill all the Jews.
  392. You think Penn and Teller are Bible scholars, and Thomas Aquinas is just some misogynistic jerk."
  393. You claim to know more about the Bible and Christianity then 99.999% of Christians, then go on to say that Jesus is a rip-off of Mithra.
  394. You accuse a Christian of "quote mining."
  395. You accuse a Christian of acting "Holier than thou" even though you act "Holier than all."
  396. You say that Hitler was a devout Christian, even though there are many other possibilities. e.g. God and Darwinism weren't separate ideas during the time of Hitler and Woodrow Wilson, but one entity. (I myself, however, wouldn't say Hitler was Atheist).
  397. You say to capitalize the "a" in Atheist.
  398. You say that everything was predetermined at the dawn of time, even though time had no dawn since that would require a "dawner."
  399. You say you already have enough peace in your life, even if you don't have peace at all.
  400. You call God (G-d for Jews) the magic man.
  401. You say that people simply create their own God (G-d for Jews) and compare it to magical creatures with green hair, or the Flying Spaghetti Monster.
  402. You call Faith evil, anti-reason, delusional, etc. even though you wake up every day having Faith that your food isn't poisoned (etc.) Oh, that's just so delusional (sarcasm).
  403. You say that Pascal's Wager is just fear of Hell, even though Pascal's Wager has nothing to do with fear of Hell.
  404. You seriously believe that if religion is natural and humans have a natural desire for God this disproves religion beyond a shadow of a doubt.
  405. You claim that "morality is subjective" and "natural law is a myth" then go on to say "morality comes from evolution" often in the same sentence.
  406. You think that "Expelled" should be dismissed as unprofessional and unscholarly because Ben Stein is a comedian, but the movie "Religulous" is insightful, even though it's by a comedian (Bill Maher).
  407. You think screaming "Godbot" "Buybull" and "Cheezits" over and over are valid arguments.
  408. You say you have studied the Bible in the original languages, and that you know more than 99% of Christians, then go on to demand an explanation of why God 'hates' amputees.
  409. You claim all thinking men are atheists, but ignore the fact that the best thinking men in history have been theists.
  410. To invalidate anything on this website, you must scream "BOB TURKEL!" as loud as you can from the mountaintops.
  411. You seriously believe Jesus could have survived hours of flogging and crucifixion.
  412. You think that the Albigensian Crusades are proof that in the first century the Catholic Church suppressed the Gnostic Gospels.
  413. You think that if a Gnostic Gospel says something it must be true, but the Canonical Gospels are worthless toilet paper.
  414. You think saying 'Jesus did X, (insert ancient Pagan God) did something similar to X' disproves Christianity.
  415. You think that the word 'Christ' comes from Krishna, and therefore Christianity is a lie.
  416. You spend more time coming up with cheesy insults then you do actual arguments.
  417. You insist on eradicating the crutch that is religion and argue feverantly for athiesm and 'science' yet you insist it will allow for more tolerant people.
  418. You laugh a people talking to an imaginary 'being' insisting they are wasting their time and breath, whilst you try and please EVERYBODY you meet.
  419. You constantly bombard Origin and religious forums with your thoughts, forgetting that in '5 billion' years or so, the earth wont appreciate that you were right after all.
  420. You KNOW you are right about Gods non-existence. Christians and co will see that nothing happens when they die....and you'll be laughing at them in your grave for being wrong....Errrrr...
  421. You make a Youtube video on Easter Sunday, wishing everyone "happy zombie Jesus day".
  422. You mock the Bible as as a fairy tale because the KJV mentions unicorns in passages like Deuteronomy 33:17. When a Christian points out to you that the Hebrew word re’em means "wild ox" and that every modern English translation renders it like that, you still insist that the KJV's rendering must be the best one and continue to mock the Bible for mentioning unicorns. Afterwards you dismiss belief in the Bible as outdated and untenable in light of more up to date scholarship and ideas, yet fail to see how how inconsistent you are being.
  423. One day you see a vocal Christian teenager posting on Youtube. You comment on their video by telling them how stupid, ignorant, immature and brainwashed they are, and how they really need to start thinking for themselves instead of just swallowing what their parents have taught them. Later you see an equally vocal atheist teenager posting on Youtube, so you leave a comment telling them how intelligent, free thinking, rational and enlightened they are for their age. You don't think you have been in any way inconsistent in your treatment of the two.


    You may be a fundy atheist if....
  424. You have your own list of how to tell who is a Christian that itself runs on Fundy Atheist principles.
  425. You get apoplectic about being called a Fundy Atheist for believing all those self-evidently true propositions above. And you label all theists as "fundies".
  426. Last of all -- you write this website a letter which includes a rebuttal to the above listing!

Have any more suggestions? Let us know! (This list was originally compiled by "GakuesiDon" and has since been added to by various contributors.)