Chapter 0 - The question (or questions)
by Mushfer Brains

Is God real? Or is he imaginary? It is a simple question. Well, actually it's two simple questions, not a simple question. If it were a simple question it would be, "Is God real or imaginary?" Well, come to think of it, that would actually be two simple questions, just combined semantically as one. I dunno. Anyway, it's a simple question. Or maybe two. I just started and already I'm confused.

It is also an very important question (or questions) for several different reasons. For one thing, it is the issue that lies at the heart of whether society is better represented in the "culture wars" by the millions of people who show up for things like "Promise Keepers" or the couple of thousand who popped by for "Godless America". That's really hard to figure out.

For example, if God is real and if God did write the Bible, then I'm in really big trouble because I think the Bible is stupid.

It is an important question on a personal level too. If God is real and he is the author of the Bible, then I'm in realy big trouble too because I think God is stupid.

But what if God is a figment of human imagination? Then boy, will I be relieved! I can refuse to read the Bible, not have to say prayers, and spend all day watching American Gladiator on the tube. It means I'm just a clump of inert matter and I can do whatever I want whenever I want. I can eat cheese or curse at the moon. All of the time and energy that our culture spends talking about God, praying to God, building churches for God and worshiping God are misguided and could be directed elsewhere to things like talking about materialism, admiring ourselves in the mirror, building freethought halls, and worshipping Britney Spears or Michael Jordan. And best of all, I can make myself feel really superior to all those billions of people who believe in God.

Knowing whether God is real or not is really, really, important. For example, in Leviticus 20:13 the Bible says that we should kill all homosexuals. I'm an ancient Israelite who signed on to the covenant of Leviticus, so if God wrote the Bible, then we should do that. On the other hand, if God is imaginary, we should throw the Bible away because it forbids us to have all kinds of fun sex with things like animals and furniture. A book that doesn't allow things like that has no place in our society.

There are billions of Christian believers today, and that scares the wee out of me. Is their God real? I sure hope not. And I'm gonna scream and cry as loud as I can over the next few pages trying to show he isn't real, using as much lousy scholarship as I can. I've never cracked open anything by any competent Christian philsopher and thinker, and I think Marilyn Hickey is the greatest Christian apologist on earth. As you can see, there won't be anything new in this book that hasn't been refuted thousands of times before. Maybe I should go back to explaining to kids how dungarees are made.

Go over here somewhere >>>

Marshall's Grocery List
  • Eggs
  • Cheese
  • Butter
  • Bagels
  • Soup
  • Lizards
  • Sweetbreads
  • Corn On the Cob
  • Scissors
  • Glue
  • Beaver pelts
  • Large emu
  • Funny nose glasses
  • Paint
  • Eau de Toilet
  • Anti-christian spray
  • God deflector
  • Spinach
  • Funny music to play while eating spinach
  • Latest Rick Warren book
  • Scholarship remover
  • Large eraser
  • Get well card (for himself)