Screwballs of the month

June 2005

 

 

It was a weird month mainly because the mailbag didn’t get a single screwball. Maybe they’re on summer vacation. So to take their place, we’ll give the hinorany role to a report of some personal encounters by a member of the “GODISNOWHERE” ministry in Colorado:

 

A supposedly messianic "Christian" who told me all about how Paul was a heretic who we should take out of the Bible, because after all, he taught different things than the Twelve and Jesus in His earthly ministry, and he wasn't a disciple under Jesus like the Twelve.... He also said he thought John should have taken some Lithium before writing his Revelation.

We had one fellow who said Jesus was a spiritual "Master," and that he himself has met two Christs in this lifetime. Both of these "Masters" had what sounded like east Indian names, though I'm not sure. A few moments later he figured out that we are a Christian ministry, and suddenly became literally enraged, shouting at us that we are "fundamentalist" Christians (which we're not), and cussing up and down, right and left, calling us vulgar names, saying we are pure evil, etc. I asked him calmly if this is the fruit of his spirit, the evidence of the wisdom those two "Christs" imparted to him? Was this the face of his faith, the true nature of his inner peace and joy? One of us finally told the man he had to leave, or we would call the police. The raving lunatic eventually left, still shouting obscenities at us. As he departed, I thanked him for showing the world the fruit of his spirit.

The "Catholic" who told us that Jesus probably didn't even die, much less resurrect, and that he simply doesn't care if he goes to Hell or not because, after all, he's served the purpose for which God created him -- a few years ago, he used his psychic powers to prevent an airliner crash disaster.

 

Nice to know they’re out there live, too.

 

In fact, maybe a lot of the screwballs are on vacation because we just don’t have many. Or maybe they don’t want an award any more.

 

 

Golden duh award winners

 

And luther was a nazi because he was german, right?

 

Brooks Trubee (“jimbo” on TWeb) adds to his collection of Gold awards with a thread at http://www.theologyweb.com/campus/showthread.php?p=1054590#post1054590 in which he commented  on last month’s feature thus:

 

The following was taken from the May issue of "J.P. Holding's" Screwballs of the month feature. In it, "Holding" makes a strange comparison: Dan Barker was a Christian preacher who lost his faith in Christianity and waited a few months before announcing his loss of faith to his friends, his neighbors and his congregation (Barker admits he didn't have the courage to do so). "Holding" compares this situation to Nazi concentration camp guards realizing that murdering Jews was wrong but then continuing to murder Jews for months regardless. It would seem that Holding is comparing a person preaching Christianity to Nazis murdering Jews. Just as the person in this instance who preaches Christianity and knows it is wrong but continues doing it, the Nazis in Holding's example who murder Jews and know it is wrong but continue doing it.

What do you think?

By the way, I would strongly urge you to check what "Holding" wrote before he changes it out of embarrassment.

 

By the way, I didn’t change it. I like Hamster’s answer:

 

Do we need drawings in Crayon to understand the above, Jimbo? Because I am pretty good with MS Paint and can create a reading tutorial for you.

Fred: I believe that baking cakes is like murdering children.

George: So you are going to stop baking cakes?

Fred: No... I .. need the money, you know.

George: So you are going to keep baking cakes even though you think it's comparable to child murder? Isn't that kind of like being a murderer who knows what he is doing is wrong but does it any way because he needs the money? Where is your sense of integrity?

Jimbo OMGosh!!!!! GEORGE Just said that BAKING CAKE IS LIKE MURDER!!!!

So the question is: Why does Jimbo want to advertise the fact that he has the comprehension skills of a 7-year-old or the disingenuousness of lemon-selling car salesman?

 

Congratulations, "Jimbo". You're the first person to ever WIN a Screwball Award because you were complaining about a Screwball Award.

 

 

Greco-roman scholars should check an english dictionary

 

Khushrenadaat  http://www.blizzforums.com/showpost.php?p=1375358&postcount=692 tries to defend against scholarly understandings of pistis (faith) with….an English dictionary:

 

Again i tell you - no part of what you mention mentions the bible, 2000 years ago or anything you MERELY SAY 'faith' which is word that CURRENTLY EXISTS.

It's origins unless you directly mention them via context are largely irrelevant.

 

You mentioned nothing pertaining to it's origin at all, thus i must assume you are using the word as defined in the dictionary.

 


Ok nothing surrounding the text, immediatly near the text, or in the comment that the text was in response to is there anything to indicate the words meaning has been changed from it's defined meaning.

 

If you mentioned christianity, 2000 years ago the middle east or antyhing you claim you did the prof would be relevant. However he is not and we're talking about basic rules about the use of the English language.

 

So should Hebrew scholars. for that matter

 

Offered: “Shadowfury200” with new advice on how to understand the Hebrew in Leviticus 18:22:

Lev 18:22 Do not lie with a man as one lies with a woman; that is detestable.

From that quote alone, isn't it possible that's just a translation issue and it meant to say 'no man shall lie to another man'? The quote is taken out of context, but you see my point.

 

 

And God also should have waited until we invented the DVD player

 

Advice to the divine from “Happy Backslider”:

 

Given that the Bible is a primary means that God chooses to disseminate his message, it seems rather an embarrassing oversight to introduce it at a point in history 1500 years before the advent of the printing press, let alone the fact that vast areas of the world didn't have any copy in their language whatsoever. Perhaps God needs to go back to school to learn how to better market his product!

 

 

Baptize me in dasani, thanks

 

smaller” on TWeb is confused about salvation. I can’t imagine why.

 

Listed below are several scriptures that describe various ways and means of salvation, some admittedly tongue in cheek but worth a read from the sheer diversity of presentations:

1.) Salvation by being flesh:
And all flesh shall see the salvation of God. (Luke 3:6)

2.) Salvation by drinking water:
“But whoever drinks of the water that I will give him shall never thirst; but the water that I will give him will become in him a well of water springing up to eternal life." ( John 4:14)
(because all things came through Jesus, all water given to drink thus comes from Jesus)

 

3.) Salvation by giving a cup of cold water: (perhaps a sub-category of the above)
"And whosoever shall give to drink unto one of these little ones a cup of cold water only in the name of a disciple, verily I say unto you, he shall in no wise lose his reward." (Matt. 10:42)

9.) Salvation by child bearing:
"And Adam was not deceived, but the woman being deceived, fell into transgression. Nevertheless she will be saved in childbearing IF they continue in faith, love, and holiness, with self-control." (1 Tim. 2:14,15 )

10.) Salvation by fire
“If any man's work shall be burned, he shall suffer loss: but he himself shall be saved; yet so as by fire.” (1 Corinthians 3:15)

11.)
Salvation by being handed over to Satan:
hand this man over to Satan, so that the sinful nature may be destroyed and his spirit saved on the day of the Lord. (1 Corinthians 5:5)

12.)
Slow Death Salvation:
Most Christians believe that if one repents of their sins and confesses Jesus as their personal Lord, they are saved. So those who die slow deaths from cancer for example have MUCH better chances of getting saved than those hit by cars, bullets, bombs, etc. because they know in advance they are going to die and can therefore confess and repent of their sins.

13.) Salvation by Location:
The greater the chance one has of hearing the gospel or reading the Bible, the greater the chance one will get saved. Therefore where one is born greater effects their chances of getting saved.

14.) Salvation by Time of Birth:
Those born in time periods in which the gospel was not preached because it wasn't revealed yet or hadn't reached that part of the world never had a chance hear the gospel and be saved, therefore those appointed to be born into time periods where the gospel was greatly preached had much better chances of being saved than those who were born into time periods where the gospel couldn't reach them.

15.) Salvation by confession of the mouth: (an all time classic)
For it is with your heart that you believe and are justified, and it is with your mouth that you confess and are saved. (Romans 10:10)

24.)
Eating flesh and drinking blood salvation:
"He who eats My flesh and drinks My blood has eternal life.” (John 6:54)

25.)
Salvation by persecution, torture, or imprisonment:
“Women received back their dead, raised to life again. Others were tortured and refused to be released, so that they might gain a better resurrection.” (Hebrews 11:35)
In many areas of the world, a sovereign king would declare his kingdom a particular sect of Christianity. Everyone either subscribed to that religion or were severely persecuted, lost property and jobs, or were killed. That's why many European countries had state religions.

 

And so on, up to 50.

 

The long road to insanity


Jason Long of “Biblical Nonsense” wins yet again for his latest replies http://www.tektonics.org/lp/longj01.html -- the best of the lot:

How would Holding justify the notion that neither of two distinct cities has its own unique culture? Culture, after all, is the set of patterns, traits, and products considered as the expression of a particular period, class, community, or population. Does every city not have its own unique culture? Does Holding believe that there was nothing special about Sodom and Gomorrah that could not be found anywhere else?

Wow. Long has now turned the killing of even a single person into "genocide" -- ater all, every person has their own unique "patterns, traits, and products" (ie, we each have our own sets of fingerprints -- or maybe you can NOT commit genocide by killing only one in a pair of identical twins.

 

The landover original

 

http://www.jesus-is-savior.com/ wins gold for their craziness which includes such lunacy as, “Spiderman is a Satanist”:

 

http://www.jesus-is-savior.com/False%20Religions/Wicca%20&%20Witchcraft/signs_of_satan.htm

 

and for even considering worth reporting, the “sounds of hell” hoax:

 

http://www.jesus-is-savior.com/Basics/sounds_from_hell.htm

 

and for saying that even lexicons and reference aids are evil:

 

http://www.jesus-is-lord.com/goliath2.htm

 

and best of all, King James Onlyism to the extreme:

 


http://www.jesus-is-lord.com/emascula.htm

 

The marketing guys at IBS, publisher of the NIV, say that the NIV is easier to read, right? In the scripture comparison that we're about to examine we will find the word "emasculate" in the NIV. I didn't know what this word meant until today. It incorrectly replaces the phrase "cut off" in the autborized KJV…

Our scripture passage is Galatians 5:12. The context: the apostle Paul is speaking to the Galatians concerning false doctrine brought in by a troublemaker (ref v. 10). What did the Apostle Paul want to happen to this person?

The Authorized King James:

Galatians 5:12, I would they were even cut off which trouble you. (troublemakers, begone)

Now, the New International Version: Galatians 5:12, As for those agitators, I wish they would go the whole way and emasculate themselves! (troublemakers, cut your genitals off!)

Which one do you think the great apostle Paul said? Is wishing someone would cut off their genitals consistent with a godly, sold-out Christian like Paul? What a terrifying, bloody, horrible thing to say to someone. But you never know what you're going to get with the NIV--I almost couldn't believe this one. Last note: the NASB and the RSV say that the troublemakers should "mutilate themselves"!!!!

 

 

Tv guide is EVIL!

 

This one from “TheOneandOnly” was done in February but is too good not to less pass.

 

Leviticus 19:26 (New International Version) New International Version (NIV)26 " 'Do not eat any meat with the blood still in it." 'Do not practice divination or sorcery.


Definition of divination: Quote: Divination: is a "foretelling future events, or discovering things secret by the aid of superior beings, or other than human means."


http://www.reference-guides.com/smiths_bible_dictionary/Divination/

Therefore TV guides are a form of divination and should be prohibited under Mosaic law, and probably some NT rules as well.

 

 

Scratch the trip to long john silver’s, then

 

“jdc123” wins an award for this performance with one of our readers:

 

JDC: didn the bible say that christians should not eat fish? and all sort sof other things that 99% of christians do in modern times? unless you do none of them, you have no say in whats right and what isnt, thanks.

 

DE: All right boy, tell me which laws i'm not following that I should.

 

JDC: you shouldnt be eating fish.

 

DE:Verse please.

 

JDC: hey youve read the bible multiple times, you should know where it is.

 

DE: Could it be in Matthew 14 where Jesus gives people fish to eat?

JDC (at end): jesus hates you.

 

 

 

FormerFundyGargamel wins one also for one of his usual mistakes he’ll never admit:

 

Jaltus: Don't read the Bible literally, read it literarily.


FormerFundy: Is that the best you can muster? Pointing out a typo? I would expect more from the revered Dr. Jaltus, Defender of the Universe.

 

“Steen” from debatex.com wins one for these comments:

 

INFERENCE?!?!?!?! You mean that we can't just trust the literal text, you mean that we have to interpret and explain it?

 

WHOOOOAAAAAA!! "Context"? As in "not literal, but paying attention to the situation"? Isn't that a step AWAY from literal reading?

 

"Common sense" is to claim that the measurements simply are not stated precise and with enough decimals etc. to get an accurate value of Pi, perhaps because the text was not about science but rather about God's message to us. And that does seem to be what you are trying to say here. It certainly is NOT "literal sense."

 

And, an award to Johnny Skeptic – just for showing up on TWeb again at all.

 

 

 

 

Silver duh award winners

 

 

Just give me an anacin

 

 

We have to start a website award for http://www.justgivemethetruth.com/ which says:

 

Are you ready to hear about

The BIGGEST Blunder of the Church for the past 2000 years!

Expect to be shocked!

"For the word of God is quick, and powerful, and sharper than any two edged sword" (Hebrews 4:12b)

Just as Judas was indwelled by Satan to betray Jesus, Paul was indwelled by Satan to destroy Christianity! Paul taught ANOTHER Gospel! Why else did Constantine and the Pagan leaders take out the books of the disciples and put in Paul's! To lead YOU away from the truth and into a FALSE Gospel!

 

It’d be a gold, except that it’s been done before by people like Ken Schei (Christianity Betrayed) and Hyam Maccoby. Snoooore. It also features stuff like:

 

King James was a homosexual mason, 33rd degree. He hired Sir Francis Bacon to translate the KJV. Sir Francis Bacon, also a 33rd degree mason, was also known as Shakespeare.

 

Maybe just as screwy if not worse -- http://www.sollog.com/

 

The modern Bible is full of inaccurate translations. If you want to know what the Bible really says then read Jesus Is Not God - The Biblical Truth.

 

Sollog prefers not to be called by his birth name, John P. Ennis, considering it an insult, and claims instead that "Sollog", "God" and "God Almighty" are his only legal names

 

Also a “screwball silver mine” this round at http://www.iidb.org/vbb/showthread.php?t=127864 where obsessed atheists tell about their dreams, such as:

 

I had a very bad nightmare last night involving the Mormons, about whom I know very little (something about funny underwear is the limit of my knowledge). I dreamt I was in Salt Lake City visiting one of their temples and, before I knew it, I was in the thick of their religious ceremony. Big organ with a choir. Lots of well-dressed people praying and chanting and what-not. There was a call to prayer and everyone starting humming the same note (except for me), yelling that god was speaking to them and going into convulsions. Then someone spotted me as the atheist in the crowd. Luckily, I woke up at that point. I had never even given Mormons a passing thought. Perhaps reading these message boards for the past couple of months has planted a morbid fear of Mormons in my mind. So a question to IIDBers: has anyone else had a religious nightmare?

 

Dan Brown’s Body

 

 

Someone found this on Christianforums, showing that Da Vinci Code is alive and well:

 

-----Is Jesus God?
---------->This is based on biblical evidence. Of cause the bible confirms that Jesus is part of the trinity, otherwise modern Christians would think otherwise. The view that Jesus was God wasn't however held by many early Christians. In the vote (I can't remember the name) in which early Christians decided upon the answers to many questions about there religion, the decision that Jesus was God o
nly won by a minute majority. Surely this is prominent evidence against Jesus being God?

 

I thought the gift was repentance?

 

 

 

And a wild guy named “Steve” joins the list with this comment:

 

God wishes that none would perish but that all would come to repentance. God has shown love by condeming all homosexuals to eternal damnation; His righteous decree has found homosexuality to be an abomination and has in the past brought fire down on men, women and children because of it.

 

Steve offers his version of how he was thrashed on TWeb, on his own site:

 

This debate took place in May of 2003, on a discussion forum at TheologyWeb, a site which claims to debate theology seriously. The thread started by Steven was entitled: "Why God has shown love to the homosexual", located in the Christianity 201 Forum Room. Most of the people who populate the rooms of TheologyWeb have been highly educated in Christian theology via universities, seminaries and colleges of various nature, and they claim faith in Christ. But, as we found out, when it comes to the issue of homosexuality they arrogantly think that their opinionated assertions overthrow &/or reinterpret the Scriptures, all the while condemning themselves for the day of Judgment. Thus, these are the type of people who are gracing the halls of our so-called 'chrisitan' educational institiutions: lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God.

 

Come out of that cookie, you demon!

 

 

Steve has some paranoid friends, too, like “Chris” who says:

 

I cracked open my fortune cookie at the end of lunch. It was a double-fortune, one of those where the two little slips of paper are stuck together, thus increasing the fortunate good sayings always contained therein. One slip said, “Good news will come from far away,” and the other, “You are heading in the right direction.”

Being a Christian, I do not believe in fortunes. If these two fortunes were read by a wicked, godless, man who believes in omens, portents, witchcraft, spells, wizardry, spiritualism, occultism (they are legion), he would consider this yet another good fortune of his, a hopeful reading of his future because he is convinced he is O.K. and heading in the right direction. He also hopes, as does any sane person, for good news from a far country.

 

Not the only gem from Chris, either. Try these:

 

Recent trends in entertainment, children’s books, etc, try to show demons in a humorous light, or even in a benefactor role. “E.T.”: was especially apt at sucking people in.

 

What is the purpose of this entertainment? Of course, the main purpose is to make money. Movies are especially lucrative, therefore the main avenue for these portrayals of demons as benefactors. Children’s books have been loaded with sort of thing for years, buttering the children up for the big screen and computer games. Did you see dollars signs everywhere? Have you been asleep? Barney is a purple demon on Sesame Street. They started out with feathers and have wound up in scales. You protest, “Hey, Barney isn’t a demon, he’s a dinosaur!” You love ’im too, don’t you?

 

If you think Barney is a lovable, non-offending terrycloth dinosaur, so be it. The scales are not far underneath that costume, however. He is just a spin-off from E.T. and its cousins. Demons today like to start things off as being humorous, then proceed to acceptable, then to desirable, then to exemplary. Look at the recent trend in homosexuality, for instance.

 

On judgment day, God will present these images before their creators and before their audience. Then they will be seen in the true light. They will also see real angels and real demons. They will then find out that these “aliens” and “monsters” ideas were based in reality. The reality will testify against them that they enjoyed the presence of demons and hated the presence of God and his angels (oh, they hate God’s human servants, too). On that day, Jesus Christ will be victorious over all these fictions that held men in bondage. Don’t just Shrek this off. Demons are real and they want you to be comfortable around them and they want you to hate the living God. Be entertained by dragons if you will, but be aware that entertainment always has a secret agenda, and it may cost you more than you know.

 

Ponfyr” of TWeb wins one as well for this thread http://www.theologyweb.com/campus/showthread.php?t=55890&page=1&pp=16 on the cross as an evil symbol.

 

The site http://evangelicalatheist.com/ wins the Paranoid Hatred Award:

 

I won’t tolerate it anymore. I’m certainly not the first person to write about this topic, and I hope I won’t be the last, but I had to write a post about this simple and wide-reaching way to evangelize atheism. Take a pen (I use a Sharpie) and leave it on your dresser or night stand. At the end of each day, when you remove your money from your pocket, take 10 seconds to make it constitutional. I like to think of it as “money laundering.”

Some people like to cross out the entire phrase. I just cross out the word god. Most people who will see the bill don’t know what’s there well enough to get the point if I cross the whole thing out. If you want, you can substitute something of your own, like “Ourselves” or “Timmy,” but I like the simplicity of just a black line. If you are offended by this phrase’s presence on our money, and you’re not doing this, you’re just lazy.

 

Be informed. Be enraged. Buy a marker.

 

By the way, defacing money like that is illegal.

 

 

Bronze duh award winners

 

jmebob” on TWeb had this gem with respect to gay marriage:

 

Seeing as your god and jesus (or both combine as they are in your mind) have never had sex with anyone, ever - never lived lives like the couple above - Why do you feel that they are qualified to make comments on them? Just a question that occured to me - late night thinking.

 

Very late, I’d say. "No Daddy, you can't tell me it's wrong to pull the doggy's tail, because you haven't done it yourself!"

 

In the “say what?” department we had this line from another forum delivered by a “smorgasboard spiritualist” as reported on TWeb:

 

I don't have a cut I read and if something clicks with my perception of what the right thing should be and if it feels right inside of myself I meditate on it and the answer is apointed to me I do have several different things I have adopted from several different religions but I alot of what I believe I have dreamed up per say and it works for me and that's how I apply it to my life. I do not need someone to say hey that's bad or that's wrong I get feelings unexplainable feelings as if the universe has it's own way of telling you you've done good or wrong I explain it as Karma.

 

O-kay…and you’ll find the banana pudding on the right.

 

DivineOb” wins one for the greasy performance at http://www.theologyweb.com/campus/showthread.php?t=54729 (which is too long to sum up well) as well as the statements:

 

That's right. When my life and my happiness are threatened then extreme measures are justified

 

Christianity is simple a disease of humanity which threatens the existence of our species, and only if it is killed off as quickly as possible (though it can be done, witness Scandinavia) can we ever hope to make it.

Just to be sure I am clear, the danger is people who make decisions (especially those that affect me) *without evidence*. I have *no* problem with people making decisions different from mine *based on evidence*. Christianity teaches that data / evidence are the enemy, and faith and hunches are a more powerful tool for discerning the truth. That is an unspeakable evil and an unspeakable danger.

 

 

heathenangel” from a UK forum has this analysis for us:

 

Faith shares a more common diagnosis which is known in the psychiatric profession as schizophrenia; however, the item that differentiates the two is that faith is most often a disorder that is instilled through mental trauma at a young age (i.e.: churches, synagogues, mosques, temples, etc.) Schizophrenia is most commonly a genetic abnormality but research indicates that it can indeed stem from outside stimuli, thus bridging the gap between the two disorders. Unfortunately there is no guaranteed cure for the disease; but there is some hope for these individuals and it consists of a daily regimen of free and rational thinking. It is advised that anyone exhibiting any of the early symptoms of the disorder be treated early by an abnormally high dosage of educational material. While the success rates of such treatments still remain unpublished, the preliminary reports indicate rates at around 10-15%.

 

And more professional psychoanalysis from “DuckieinDrag” to one of our readers:

 

There is nothing in there that puts you in a black and white image as you did with me. You attempted to make me your inferior, and not worth your time. I was attempting to help others not be sucked in. I understand that you have a hurt soul underneath that rough exterior, and I do want to help. However, the first thing to do would be to isolate your problems, for example, people who you attempt to take advantage of. You are indeed a troll, but that does not mean anything bad. It means that you wish to be accepted and to be paid attention, but the only way you know how to do it is to hurt other people.

 

Obviously you have given up on these people if you feel that "public owning" is the only way to help them. How does it take public owning? If you merely extended the hand of God to them rather than trying to force it down their throats, I am sure that they would be able to understand where they are coming from. I however have not given up on you. Even though I may not be a Christian, I believe in an omnipotent and omnipresent god, and I feel that you have strayed from your past. You need a shepard, and I will take that role upon myself. And I shall never give up on you. I offer you a chance to reclaim the self that you were before you resorted to "publicly owning" people in order to achieve an artificial high. Be the better man and accept my offer, so that we may help people understand.

 

Also recommended is a thread at http://www.abovetopsecret.com/forum/thread34489/pg5 for a number of gems by Christ-mythers.

 

LakeGeorgeMan” wins the Unintended Humility Badge for this one:

 

I have access to the accumulated knowledge of science that is based on the empirical scientific method, and yet I have humility because I don’t claim to have any “ultimate, absolute truth”, because I know that new discoveries can always refine, or falsify, our current knowledge.

 

And wins a “Hypostasis? What’s That?” Award for this:

 

Anyway...I often wonder how the universe kept working during those 2 days when the Christian god was "dead".

Perhaps there exists a universe "auto-pilot" button? Perhaps he turned over the controls and launch codes to a trusted angel, or Peter, or the Vice-god?

 

Da Blonde” on TWeb wins a silver for this dialogue:

 

Da Blonde: I'm not sure in what context you're using the term "Biblical Sexuality" there. The Bible is a poor guide for surgery and aeronautics, and just as inadequate to address sexuality.

JohnSparks: Uh, so your thinking goes like this:
Because they didnt have airplanes 2,000 years ago, they also didn't have sex 2000 years ago.

Da Blonde: No, Sir, it does not.

 

And, Da Blonde the cultural judge has this to say as well:

 

The system of arraged marriages of the time was evil by our standards.

 

Cu Mhorrigan gets another bronze for a performance in this thread (too large to sum up): http://www.theologyweb.com/campus/showthread.php?t=55061&page=1 and also for saying:

 

One of the things I was taught about magic, (And this is via a comic book,) is that Magic responds to need.

 

DivineOb wins one for his performance in http://www.theologyweb.com/campus/showthread.php?t=55139 most notably the use of a Navy SEAL as a point of comparison.

 

Poster at valleyadvocate.com wins for this “absolute” statement:

 

We need people to stand up in public against the Christo-Islamic alliance's assaults on relativism. It's been more than a generation since anyone with access to a significant pulpit stood up for relativism. The clerics have made "relativism' into a dirty word instead of what it actually is: a term for the application of reason to public affairs. Turn your back on relativism and you get absolutism. Show me a true believer and I'll show you a bigot. Absolutism is at the heart of every religion -- our dogma or nothing.

 

Which seems to have been read by “tmancour” of TWeb as well:

 

What is this obsessive concern with truth and falsehood that Christians seem to have in spades? Everything is "true", from some perspective, just as everything is false from another.

 

Zipperhead” on TWeb wins for this advanced statement on Christology:

 

My point is that if you say, for instance, that Jesus sold hotdogs, you're no longer talking about the same Jesus, so you have the wrong Trinity, because you lie about the 2nd person.

 

“Flour” on TWeb wins for this one:

The Christian God, that is. Of course "Thou shall not commit adultery." is a no no, but what about a girl getting pregnant from someone other than her spouse via artificial insemination? God himself got Mary pregnant without having sex, so I think it's justifiable for another man to get a woman pregnant without having sex.


As does “Wolf of Norway” for placing the origins of the faith in the medieval period:

thou shalt follow me, and in the process become a mindless follower of an articifial religion created only to bring comfort to the cold people in the middle ages.

 

Minnesota” on TWeb gets a Lifetime Achievement, bronze, since I found out he behaves the same way in political forums, too.

 

Atheists at http://www.iidb.org/vbb/showthread.php?t=127477 win a collective award for these comments:

 

Would you lie to promote atheism? Have you ever faked a viewpoint just to get others to believe you, so you could later slip in some self-promoting thing?

 

Yes, I do pose as a Christian on Christian message boards in order to get around the prejudice they have against atheists. I don't think there's anything wrong with doing that.

 

I lie all the time, though never about anything truly important. Telling lies convincingly can be a bit of a sport. See how fantastic a claim you can make somebody actually believe. The only real problem is that you need to avoid becoming a known liar. So its a very fine balancing act.

 

Special award to a church in my area (in Winter Park, FL) with this marquee:

 

 DOWNLOAD YOUR SORROWS -- GET ONLINE WITH GOD

Someone at the church obviously isn't up on Net lingo.

 

Maybe more funny than screwy is the site at http://www.jesusthemonstertruck.com/ -- it might work as social commentary of the Wittenberg Door variety.

 

Also http://hoax-buster.org/ which has stuff like:

 

I'm challenging their claim of "Patent on God."
Thou Shalt Not Patent God. AND
Thou shalt not terrorize children with threats of Hell.
Religion by it's very nature is child abusing. I was abused!!
Were you also abused? If you were brought up in faith you
were. Don't let this continue. Get the children out of church!
SAVE THE CHILDREN AND
SAVE THE CONSTITUTION
It's the most MORAL document ever written, inspired by Nature's God.
God has already blessed America. We won't throw Her blessings into the trash.


Moses and Jesus are just one person the Egyptian Pharaoh,
Amenophis IV. She appears to be a homosexual female, (woman
with wife) who was stupid enough to believe her father was the sun.
The burning bush is the sun. The hoaxers who wrote the Bible left
fingerprints all over ancient documents. Catholics will, unless they
are brain dead recognize their MASS. I did not label the pope's hat
which Jesus is wearing. Look at the first 4 letters of her name, AMEN

 

While Moses was preaching and teaching his face started to glow,
just like the glow from the cloud. Moses got too close to God, (ha!)
and
his head caught on fire. That's what is says in the Bible.

 

Pythagoras, who I quickly discovered was too dense of a cockroach to grasp Wisdom theology, wins for a few comments, such as:

 

But let us indulge the trinitarians. Since they claim the Jews accused Jesus of making himself God Almighty(Yhwh) in John 10:33, shouldn't they specify to us also what exactly the Jews meant by that accusation? Specifically, were the Jews accusing Jesus of making himself God the Father, God the Son or God the Holy Spirit ?

 

If Jesus had claimed to be God the Jews would not have gotten upset or attempted to stone him, they would have taken him for a lunatic deserving pity . Example: if your priest claimed to be a roast turkey, would you get upset at him?

The Jews were upset at Jesus because his claim was not a lunatic one, he claimed to be the Christ(in this regard the Jews were witnesses to his miracles,John 10:38, John 10:32.)

 

And yet, it seems he did learn from me a little:

 

Did the Jews flat out accuse Jesus of being God Almighty (i.e. Yahweh, I am that I am) or "equal with God"? The latter would seem to indicate two Gods or a hypostatic union of some sort.

Remember, according to you the Jews of Jesus's time had no concept of the trinity and saw God as an absolute One.


You don't know what the Jews accused Jesus of in John 10:33. You don't have a position to defend. Go back to the drawing board and return when you have one .

 

HyperHobbes, an ultra-Calvinist, wins the “Data the Android” Award for his sociology:

 

They (non-believers) are spiritually dead and never were alive, incapable of response. We mistake them understandably for being like us, but they are not. Cunning Replicas. Children of their father the devil.

 

…as well as for trying to move attention from himself to others by….posting again and again.

 

“NTSCRIBE” tries to explain how mutes are saved if tongues are required for salvation:

 

The mute also have what our Bible calls "those who have an ear(spiritual), let him hear what the Spirit says....if one have an ear, we can assume that they have spiritual tongues,mouth and lips too,right? After all we are created in the image and likeness of GOD(spiritually).

 

Mute believers have a real "spirit man" inside, which is the temple of the HOLY SPIRIT....only our spirit man is born again.

 

Your spirit never goes to sleep...that's why you dream, almost so real, it's not your brain.Ask people who had "out of body" experienced.OR read 1 Cor.12...Paul's out of body experienced.I had experienced such supernatural events myself....only in the power of the LORD JESUS CHRIST.