As usual, view all of the nominated Screwballs on TheologyWeb.

From the Mailbag

Here's just a tenth of an email I got from an insane person -- much of what was edited had gross sexual content.

I HAD BEEN PRONOUNCED DEAD BY MY EX WIFE WHOM CALLED ME JESUS WHEN SHE HAD ME ARRESTED FOR SPOUSE ABUSE IN WHICH SHE HAD HIT HERSELF THIS ONE TIME ONLY TO GET ME AWAY FROM HER BECAUSE I HAD A GIFT TO FEEL WHAT PEOPLE FEEL...

SHE HAD SAID THIS,,, I NEVER WANT TO EVER SEE HIM GET OUT FOR I NEVER WANT HIM TO TALK TO ME AGAIN BUT AS FAR AS THE KIDS GO HE LOVES HIS CHILDREN AND HE CAN SEE THE KIDS ANY TIME HE WANTS TOO.. THE JUDGE THEN SAID IF HE WANTED TO CAN HE SEE HIS KIDS TODAY INN A CLOSED ROOM THAT WILL BE SAFE ROM OTHER INMATES ? SHE SAID YES DEFIANTLY HE'S A GOOD FATHER TO THE CHILDREN..... THE JUDGE SAID TO ME THROUGH THE CAMERA IN THE COURT ROOM AND SAID SON YOUR GOING TO GET OUT BUT I WANT YOU TO BE EVALUATED TO SEE IF YOUR SANE AND I THINK SHE MIGHT NEED TO BE ALSO SINCE YOU MADE THE STATEMENT HE CAN WALK THROUGH MY JAIL BLOCKS AND IRON BARS AND HE CAN GET OUT ? SHE SAID YOU DONíT KNOW HOW SCARY HE IS IF HE GETS OUT HE'S GOING TO KILL ME!!!! WHY ARE YOU LYING ? YOU SHOULD HAVE COME HERE INN ANN AMBULANCE ....SHE SAID OH I HAVE A LOT OF MAKEUP ON ... What I'm, trying to tell you is that I have the keys to the mystery of the seven stars !!! I know where the garden is and all the worshippers their in .... I have the original pictures of the lion , calf l, eagle and the man Chari bum whom guards the thrown where god is ... I want to prove to all as every eyes shall see this prophecy and you might be the first to have a chance to show this to the world ..... IM THE IMAGE IN DANIEL ALSO AND CAN DECIPHER THE OLDEST BIBLE IN THIS WORLD CALLED THE MY ANGELS AND OTHERS CALL THIS THE MAYAN CALENDAR...... IM HIM WHO DREW THE THING OVER 5000 YEARS PLUS AGO ....DONíT JUDGE ME JUST PAY TO FLY TO ME AND SEE THE PROOF AS WELL AS A REAL LIVE SPIRIT NEVER SEEN BEFORE EXCEPT TO WHOM I'VE SHOWN AND IT ALSO SHOWS WHAT GOING TO HAPPEN IN THE FUTURE AS I HAVE A PICTURE I HAD DRAWN WITH A MARKER PENCIL AND A PAPER TO THAT CHANGES MAGICALLY SHOWING A METEORITE HIT ON THE WORLD ,,,

And one email drips with irony:

You seem to have no problem with commenting on Bill Maher's "Religulous" in the form of a 30minute interview someone of your choosing. Why would you not allow people to comment on the video? Are you trying to create a joke within a joke or are you just inherently hypocritical?

Problem: They gave me a link to a vid where I appear -- but it isn't on my YT channel.

The Barely Coherent Club wrote me with this:

The human race - Jason Long - religious people don;t seem to get it right. If we look at WW2 and the death of 70 million people you would have to say that something is wrong with the human race.

If religion were not around we would have to invent it. Can you imagine what the earth would be like if there was no religion?

Jason Long speaks of intelligent people not needing religion when in fact intelligent people would not be around except for religious people.

I am skilled in bible understanding not because of my intelligence, but because of my willingness to try to understand.

When I suggested he learn to write clearly, I was told:

I am 70 years old and I communicate as I always have.

I can't or won't change.

Now there is no way to scientifically prove the bible to others as God decides who knows or does not know what they understand.

Even when you tell someone a simple truth, they may never be allowed to understand.

God decides. Based on the internal worth of that individual.

How you live determines what you know - not reading books or communicating with others.

Sounds like an excuse for poor writing to me.

The May 2012 John Loftus Collection

John wins his annaual Humility Trophy:

I must apologize to regular readers of this blog since I promote my books often. It probably annoys a few of you. But I do so just like a mother wants to talk about her new baby. Why not? As you can see from the Blogger Pageviews we're getting 129,000 hits a month (no they're not all from me, either!). And many of these hits are new visitors to DC. So I want them to know about my book, Why I Became an Atheist, which is getting some superior reviews.

Not much later he said:

I have no more desire to engage Christians. They are deluded, all of them. I have never been more convinced of this than I am now. I have better things to do. I spent 39+ years of my adult life on a delusion. If I add the years of my childhood that's almost my entire life. Yet this is the only life I will ever have. It's time to move on, or at a minimum take a very long hiatus. I just finished what may be my last book, on The Outsider Test for Faith, to be published by Prometheus Books early next year. How many times do I need to kick the dead horse of Christianity? I don't think I need to say anything more. If what I have written isn't good enough then nothing is good enough for some Christians. What I intend to do is turn this blog over to a few qualified people. I'll still be a part of it and I suppose I'll post something from time to time. But I see no reason to waste large chunks of my time on this delusion anymore.

But of course, we all know John is the perpetual Man Who Wouldn't Leave. But then again, there's booze to be drunk, amusement park workers to be given the finger, disabled people to mock. He's a busy guy.

The Atheist Collection

YT user EverGodsSuffer epitomizes fundy atheist laziness:

One would expect the "literal word of the living God, plain and simple" to be accessible to all in universal language, requiring no translation nor interpretation. Let's face it. If the Christian god can arrange for Simon Peter in Acts to speak in his native tongue, Aramaic, and have everyone in his audience hear his words in their own language, it can certainly do likewise with its own "Holy Word".But, alas!

Also an award to YT user crazypills2, for attributing an argument to me that I actually rejected some years ago, and also said of my chllenge to read scholarly books being addressed to him:

I suspect it's all part of Holding's games to distract me from making videos about him. I have several ideas in mind and none of us would want me to stop producing them :-)

He also wins for trying to load a song parody which ended up getting banned in the USA for copyright violations.

crazypills2 follower halolIlmao0 says:

The Bible needs to be band. The Bible is poison end of story

YT user PBDPBD:

I never once said that I do know there are no god(s) or the supernatural, so don't put words in my mouth and learn to read. I will say that I also don't KNOW with absolute certainty that purple fairies that poop giant squirrels made out of gold don't exist. Yet, there is exactly as much evidence for purple squirrel-pooping fairies as there is for god(s). Since beliefs in both creatures are equally logically invalid, I look at people who believe in either the same way.

NaturalMiracleMan explains why he is lazy:

think that Holding's challenge to crazypills2 is a waste of time. Instead, Holding should actually demonstrate that he has arrived at his conclusions based upon research by doing a video where he cites his sources and tells people where the information can be found within the book(s) he claims to be basing his claims upon. I think that that is a far more open and time-saving approach than naming a bunch of books and making other people scour them to find where Holding's points originate from.

dontchastop, on a Christian vid:

The music in the introduction is a "give away." Are the claims in this video more reliable because they are introduced by Beethoven? Just think about what this man is claiming? Physical resurrection. Zombie Jesus. Zombie Christians in a post apocalyptic world. The funny thing is that most preachers don't sell this absurd resurrection idea; they sell the idea of some nebulous heaven where people go when they die.

A Screwball to anyone like YT fundy atheist DarkMatter2525 who brags that they got a good score on the Pew Religious test. He bragged about getting a 93. I just tried it and got 100. It's so simple a retarded ape could pass it. Multiple choice with questions like:

What religion was Joseph Smith?

What religion was Mother Theresa?

Hardest question was the last, which asked which figure was part of the First Great Awakening: Charles Finney, Billy Graham, or Jonathan Edwards.

YT user RadarKat37080:

Whether or not the Bible is an ancient text, it's allegedly the word of an omniscient being. If something was okay 2,000 to 4,000 years ago, it should ALWAYS be okay!  It doesn't matter if the Bible's laws are "better than" X.

YT user CheekyVimto08, proving why he deserved a thrashing:

Perhaps your translation is the correct one. But like I said to you a while ago, it's a silly word game you can play with any religion. You could explain away any atrocity in any scripture with the methods outlines above and it's only convincing to those inside the faith.

And here's a convo he had that proves he's denser than Stilton cheese:

Dante666: Blasphemy is as much a crime as high treason. Same context.

CheekyVimto08: Treason is betrayal of government, which exists. Slightly different.

And:

Without wanting to sound nasty, it sounds like the ravings of a fanatic. If God only reveals himself to certain people, then others should be free to say what they want. Freedom of speech is more important than your right not to be offended.

YT user waldegg:

Actual historical evience makes the theory "Jesus didn't exist" NOT even 1% crackpot. It's a lie that the majority of historicans beleive in Jesus existence ... as usual.

YT user Baal1985, on why there cannot be such a thing as a fundy atheist:

to call atheism a fundamentalism...wouldnt that be taking this concept completely out of historical context? Does Atheism have a "fundament"? Atheism is a pure negation, is that enough to form a fundament which needs to be present to be a "fundamentist". To be a fundamentalist you need a fundament, as the historical context requires. Some forms of atheism might be call militaristic, or arrogant, but that does not necessary mean it is fundamentalistic.

Dawkins fanboi DrLj45, on YT, told that Dawkins did not assess evidence on the Christ myth theory, and earns a Platinum nom:

I thought only your god was omniscient. How do you know whether Dawkins assessed the evidence or not?

Persecuted YT atheisy videoguy604, after seeing that I moderate comments there, ironically shows why:

What a surprise, Youtube Christians make East Germany look like a 1st amendment free speech paradise...

Amazon atheist G. Monk Stanley wins the Sanctimonious Jerk Award, and noms Platinum:

Shouldn't you be taking your autism medication? You and your wife have autism, correct? Maybe praying to your imaginary friend will take the autism away

The Christian and Theist Collection

seanD, on why preterism can be deceptive:

The problem with your argument about testing the spirits is that it sounds like youíre grossly underestimating the potential deception. We don't always test the spirits with everything we do in this world because a lot of things we participate in are purely worldly and have really nothing to do with anything religious or spiritual. If we did, then I doubt most of us as Christians would do much of anything in the world accept attend religious services. So if the deception just looked like economic progress that would greatly benefit humanity (especially if the world suffered a great upheaval of sorts), then why would a preterist, not expecting any such deception, have any real reason to reject it? They would have to first admit they were wrong in order to find a reason to reject it.

Vivian is still loony:

When I heard [about Obama's statements about same-sex marriage] I shared with my daughter that if Jesus were here and asked about same sex marriage, He would reach over and take one of his male followers into has arms, kiss him, look him in the eye and tell him how much he loved him. And then he would turn to the modern day Pharisees and say, "Some would call that a sin. But they are mistaken, they do not know what sin is.'

amigoxp, a Muslim, wins for failing to realize that Landover Baptist is a parody site, and using it as a source.

Emergent YT loon Symph Controversy makes up his own Bible verse:

it's just like how Jesus said "if you are working out of your own mind you are doing more harm than good" that's what he's doing, more harm than good.

Asked where Jesus said this, he replied:

I know I misquoted it. It was more to the effect of "If you aren't helping you're only getting in the way" I tried finding it too, I read the message translation if that helps. I remember his point, he was saying "human effort fails, you have to let God lead you" I know that's the point he was making, but I didn't word it right. And I have been trying to think of different ways to word it to find what it was and I can't, it keeps bringing up matthew where he says pious talk brings no o God, I'll keep looking. I know the verse I'm talking about and the point he was making, the point was that we don't do good when we TRY to do good if we aren't letting the holy spirit show us how. But I can't for the life of me remember the exact wording or where it is, and honestly it may have been Paul not Jesus who said it.

Maybe the Spirit should show him how to properly quote the Bible. He also wins for referring to fundy atheists as people who "ask questions in the name of God."

Also, told he was ignorant in a way he interpreted the Bible, he said:

Your outlook is going to cut you off from being the witness you could truly be, and I hope you'll think about this carefully, I mean no disrespect. When you decide that someone believing differently than you or seeing things in a different light automatically makes them ignorant, to the point that you would say that to them without having ever spoken to them, you bring yourself into a place of judgement and elevating yourself over others. '

And elsewhere, emergent lite:

I love this attitude. "We don't agree, but I enjoy hearing our differences" This is what I want to see happen more and more, I'm tired of "you don't see things how I do? Then you're WRONG"

Finally:

Yeah... I'm not trying to throw out everything he says. He makes good points, but at the end of the day, what does it matter when he's making atheists feel that much more justified in not believing? They come to his channel, get ridiculed and belittled, and come away going "well I'm glad I'm never gonna be like THAT guy!" Kinda makes the good he does null and void in my eyes.

Hum yeah.

FABRICUS: "That Paul makes good points, but at the end of the day, all that stuff about a crucified savior...!"

OSTRICUS: "Yeah, what does it matter? With all that I feel that much more justified in not believing! Kinda makes the good that Paul does null and void in my eyes."

Gatsby is still wacky:

And the Word was made flesh and dwelt among us does indeed show that God/Life Itself does dwell withing each one of us. And as there is only One Life then God lives in us without exception. This Jesus came to know.

YT user Lavi Roth shows fundy atheists don't have a lock there on inanity:

Jews killed christ because he faught against there coruption and yet you lick the zionists [censored]. Brain washed people like you are just the jews little [censored] who surve them like slaves even thoe they see them selfs superior to you gentiles. Dont you ever think that your going to heaven when you are surving the killers of christ our lord. Jews openly laugh and sellerbrate about the torture and death of christ. They also belive that christ is in hell boiling in his own [censored] for eternity. Lastly i hope you choose to follow the light instead of the darkness. I am not asking you to become a patriot. I just want you to understand the zionist jews are anti christ. God bless you sir. repent your self before it's too late and god will forgive you.

http://www.visionforumministries.org/home/about/biblical_patriarchy.aspx

http://www.christianpost.com/news/atheist-student-awarded-scholarship-for-dressing-up-as-jesus-christ-74014/ -- Platinum nom

http://gma.yahoo.com/blogs/abc-blogs/lesbian-couple-charged-staging-hate-crime-164243835--abc-news-topstories.html -- Platinum nom.

http://www.cnn.com/2012/05/23/us/new-jersey-washer-baby/

http://www.sandraandwoo.com/2012/05/31/0381-larisa-will-burn-in-hell/